Baddest of the Bands Responses (Battle of the Bands stages)

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"Is it hard to judge a Battle of the Bands from thousands of miles away?"
Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from the stages of the four bands in Baddest of the Bands.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.


A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.


Contents

[edit] Limozeen

{The Limozeen standee gives the same responses to the same menu options regardless of where it is, and so they've been grouped together in order to streamline the page}

[edit] "Limozeen"

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: {Angrily} Um, what is THIS supposed to be?
LARRY: We're from the band Limozeen, Strong Bad! Here to judge your Battle Royale of the Bands! For your Rip-Roarin' Rock-dezvous with Limozeen!
STRONG BAD: You're not Limozeen, you're a piece of cardboard with some cheap speakers and a microphone.
If spoken to for the first time any stage save the DÖI stage
LARRY: And cameras!
If spoken to for the first time at the PomStar or Two-O-Duo stages
STRONG BAD: {Sarcastic voice} Oh, sorry.
LARRY: And don't forget the waving arms! {Arm waves}
STRONG BAD: This is the most disappointed I've been in Limozeen since their court-ordered PSAs against Chocoholism.

STRONG BAD: Hey there, "Limozeen". {Strong Bad makes air quotes}
LARRY: Strong Bad! Are you {rolls the "r"} rockin' yet?
STRONG BAD: {Sarcastically} Oh, yeah.

[edit] "Limozeen" → Strong Bad

Only appears at the DÖI stage
STRONG BAD: How about that DÖI, huh? They're really tearin' it up!
LARRY: I'm about to tear up their entry form if they don't find a song to play soon! At least their lousy lead singer got off-stage.

STRONG BAD: So, what are DÖI's chances of winning the Battle of the Bands?
LARRY: ChanCES? They barely even have a CHA, never mind a full CHANCE! Maybe if every other band mysteriously started to suck all of the sudden.
STRONG BAD: Hmm... sudden mysterious suckage? I might be able to help with that... {Rubs hands together}

[edit] "Limozeen" → Cool Tapes

Only appears at the Cool Tapes stage
Before Strong Bad sabotages the Cool Tapes
STRONG BAD: I can't believe everybody's gettin' all crazy-go-nuts {does a little wiggle-dance} for Marzipan's preachy-screechy band!
LARRY: Believe it, man! The Cool Tapes make me wanna jump around and smash some furniture! I just wish that cute blonde that keeps talkin' would STOP... keep... talkin'.
MARZIPAN I'd like to dedicate these next sixteen bars to the plight of our friendly sea mammals... and the ongoing destruction of our dwindling wetlands... and the struggle against the exploitation of women in the media.
LARRY: Man! What a downer!
STRONG BAD: {Intrigued} Hmmm...

STRONG BAD: C'mon, you don't REALLY think Marzipan's group's all that great, do you?
LARRY: Man, if they'd just stop getting all political, the Cool Tapers'd be running away with this contest!
After Strong Bad sabotages the Cool Tapes
STRONG BAD: I guess the Cool Tapes won't be winning any contests today.
LARRY: Well, maybe a contest for worst song I ever heard, but not your Battle of the Bands.

[edit] "Limozeen" → PomStar

Only appears at the PomStar stage
Before Strong Bad sabotages PomStar
STRONG BAD: You guys are cardboard professionals, maybe you can tell me: how in the name of Yngwe did Homestar get all smooth?
LARRY: I don't know, man! It's like Pom Pom puked all his style right into Homestar's mouth, like a mama bird feeding her chicks!
STRONG BAD: That is interestingly disgusting!
After Strong Bad sabotages PomStar
STRONG BAD: Man, PomStar sure didn't disappoint at disappointing.
LARRY: That mess was crazy with a K! I thought Homsar was the one who said the insane stuff, not Homestar!

[edit] "Limozeen" → Two-O-Duo

Only appears at the Two-O-Duo stage
Before Strong Bad sabotages the Two-O-Duo
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Why is the crowd going so nutso for Coach Z's not-so good rapping?
LARRY: It's not the rhymes they love, it's the moves! {Shot of Two-O-Duo} All great bands know how to move on stage, and the Two-O-Duo's got moves that proves!
STRONG BAD: Proves what?
LARRY: Proves that terrible rhyming can be overcome by uncontrollable spazzing!

STRONG BAD: So it's really just Coach Z's quote-unquote "dancing" that's keeping the Two-O-Duo from losing the Battle of the Bands?
LARRY: Yeah, totally!
After Strong Bad sabotages the Two-O-Duo
STRONG BAD: Is it me, or has the crowd turned against the Two-O-Duo?
LARRY: Bad dancing is the number-one problem facing at-risk youngsters, Strong Bad. These guys are a menace!

[edit] "Limozeen" → Limozeen

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: So, if you're not really here, where are you... really?
LARRY: We're 'zeenin' down I-97 in our Tour-Bus-mozeen, beaming our mascara'd eyes, teased hair, and pierced ears to you via satellite!
STRONG BAD: So... basically you're sitting in a tour bus with some crappy webcams.
LARRY: {Rolling his "r"s and "w"s} Rock 'n' roll webcams!
STRONG BAD: Ugh.

{Second time only}
STRONG BAD: Is it hard to judge a Battle of the Bands from thousands of miles away?
LARRY: Well, don't tell anyone, but we really don't do much judging at these things!
STRONG BAD: What?
LARRY: We let the Squeedily-Dee-O-Meter do it!
STRONG BAD: You're letting a soulless machine be the judge of MY Battle of the Bands? That's awesome!

STRONG BAD: At first I was disappointed you guys didn't show up in person, but I think I actually like the Squeedily-Dee-O-Meter much better.
LARRY: Yeah, that thing gets ALL the groupiest groupies when he tours with us.

[edit] "Limozeen" → Battle of the Bands stage

STRONG BAD: What's the current status of the Battle?
LARRY: The Squeedily-Dee-O-Meter knows all, li'l man!

[edit] "Limozeen" → Cancel

STRONG BAD: Well, it's been real— or not— but I've got a show to run.
LARRY: Later!

STRONG BAD: Keep it "real", {Strong Bad makes air quotes} Limozeen.
LARRY: Hey! Was that a jab?
If said at the Two-O-Duo stage
LARRY: Don't make us come down there, punk!

STRONG BAD: I think I'll go look for something more, um, animated to talk to for a while.
LARRY: Bye!

[edit] Bleach → Limozeen

While at any stage save the Two-O-Duo stage
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Um, Limozeen?
LARRY: Yeah, Strong Bad?
STRONG BAD: {Pulls out the bleach} Would you mind holding this bleach for a couple of minutes? It's kind of a product-placement thing.
LARRY: Totally! I hold bleach all the time! Bleach in my hair, bleach in my jeans, bleach in puke stains!
STRONG BAD: Thanks! Hmmm... {Looks for a place to hang the bleach, and sees none} Crap! This cardboard cut-out doesn't have any useful hand-holds! {Puts the bleach away}
LARRY: Aww, man! I wanted to be holding bleach.

STRONG BAD: There's no place on THIS cardboard cut-out to put that.
While at the Two-O-Duo stage
STRONG BAD: Hey, cardboard-zeen!
LARRY: What is it, dude?
STRONG BAD: Could you hold onto this bleach for a minute?
LARRY: Whatever you say, man. After all, it's YOUR Rip-Roarin' Rock-dezvous with Limozeen!
{Strong Bad hooks the bleach over the standee's thumb. The weight of the bottle pulls the hand down, causing the bleach to pour into the pond.}
LARRY: Hey man, should we be pouring bleach into this pristine pond?
STRONG BAD: Don't worry, it's eco-friendly bleach. It'll make it way pristinier.
LARRY: Well all right!
{The pond fish float belly-up to the surface}

[edit] Billy Club → Limozeen

While at any stage save the PomStar stage
{First time only}
{Strong Bad pulls out the billy club}
LARRY: Take it easy with that thing, Strong Bad!
STRONG BAD: I ain't gonna hurt ya. I just need you to hold it.
LARRY: Luscious! Billy clubs are my third-favorite kind of club!
STRONG BAD: {Looks for a place to put the club, but sees none} Rats, there's no place to put it.
LARRY: Aww! {Strong Bad puts the club away}

STRONG BAD: There's no place on THIS cardboard cut-out to put that.
While at the PomStar stage
STRONG BAD: {Brandishes the club at the standee} Hey, cardboard impostors. Can your little webcam feel pain? {Hits the standee}
LARRY: Ow! What was that for?
STRONG BAD: Oh, sorry. I was just, uh, giving you this billy club.
LARRY: Whoa, cool! {Strong Bad puts the club on the standee's hand} We can have a hot cop chick hold on to this in our next video!

[edit] Camera → Limozeen

While at the PomStar stage, and it is empty-handed
{Note that Camera → Whale has the same effect}
STRONG BAD: {Gets out the camera} Okay, everybody look stiff and lifeless. {Takes the photo} Hmmm... the delicious combination of heavy metal and fiberglass whale IS compelling, but it's missing that special something to tie it to the railroad tracks.
While at the PomStar stage and it has the billy club
{Note that Camera → Whale has the same effect}
STRONG BAD: {Gets out the camera and backs up} Okay, whale, work with me... {Takes the photo, which is then displayed to the player} Wow, this looks great! If you squint your eyes, it kinda looks like Perry's whaling the ambergris out of the whale! Or is it Gary?
While at the Two-O-Duo stage, and it is empty-handed
{Note that Camera → Pond has the same effect}
STRONG BAD: {Gets out the camera and backs up} Hmm, let's see... {Takes the photo, looks, then puts it away} Nice juxtaposition of big hair and big water, but it lacks a certain je ne say wha...
While at the Two-O-Duo stage and it has the bleach
{Note that Camera → Pond has the same effect}
STRONG BAD: {Gets out the camera and backs up} Okay, this looks promising... {Takes the photo, which is then displayed to the player} Hot sprinkly dang! This totally looks like Limozeen's polluting the sprinkly heck out that pond!

[edit] Squeedily-Dee-O-Meter

When no bands have been sabotaged
STRONG BAD: Man, I'm gonna have to engage in some serious sabo-too-ji if I want to make those other bands blow more chunks than DÖI.

STRONG BAD: Yep, we still suck.
When one band has been sabotaged
STRONG BAD: Okay, NOW we're getting somewhere. But with Homsar and the King of Town in my band, I'm gonna need to make sure EVERY other act gets a nice big slice of suck pie.

STRONG BAD: Nothin' new here.
When two bands have been sabotaged
STRONG BAD: That's two miserable bands down, one soon-to-be miserable band to go! Bwah-ha-haaaa!
When all three bands have been sabotaged
STRONG BAD: Nothin' new here.

STRONG BAD: Yep, we still suck.

[edit] Cool Tapes Stage

On the first arrival in the scene

STRONG BAD: Let's see what Marzipan's stupid band has cooked up.
{Cool Tapes finishes a song}
HOMESTAR: Yaayy!
BUBS: All right, all right!
LARRY: Outta sight, man!
MARZIPAN: Thank you! Thank you! For our next number, we'd like to take you on a musical journey I like to call "The Same Riff for Several Minutes".
{As Cool Tapes start playing, the camera pans over the rapt spectators, including Strong Bad.}
STRONG BAD: Man, they've been practicing! But, it's nothing I can't find a way to sabotage.

At intervals when in the scene, before Strong Bad sabotages the Cool Tapes

MARZIPAN: I'd like to dedicate these next sixteen bars to the plight of our friendly sea mammals...

MARZIPAN: ... and the ongoing destruction of our dwindling wetlands...

MARZIPAN: ... and the struggle against the exploitation of women in the media.

After showing Marzipan the third piece of anti-Limozeen evidence

MARZIPAN: {Microphone feedback} Listen up, everyone! I've got a new song I want to sing. A song about our so-called "judges"! It's called "Limozeen... Is Not Very Nice".
BUBS: What?
HOMESTAR: Say what?
LARRY: We're what?
MARZIPAN {singing} Limozeen is not very nice. Beating baby whales is not very nice. That's why I call this song Limozeen is not very nice. Objectifying women is not very nice. That's why I call this song... I'll sing it all day long... Limozeen is not very nice! Cool Tapes, Coo-hool Tapes!
{Long silence}
HOMESTAR, BUBS, AND LARRY: Booo!
LARRY: Those tapes aren't very cool at all! You guys get negative eight million points for writing a catchy anti-Limozeen anthem!
{A shot of the Squeedily-Dee-O-Meter showing the Cool Tapes' approval dropping. Strong Bad laughs evilly.}

[edit] Banner

STRONG BAD: "Cool Tapes"... I'M the one who's supposed to be into obsolete media and electronics!

[edit] Billy Club

STRONG BAD: Oh, hello, billy club.
STRONG SAD: You want it?
STRONG BAD: Don't you need it?
STRONG SAD: Not really. I prefer to keep the peace through rational discourse.
STRONG BAD: {Derisively} Yeah, that'll work. {Takes the billy club}
STRONG SAD: Backed up by ten thousand volts!
{Strong Sad shocks Strong Bad with his taser. Strong Bad hits Strong Sad with the billy club. Strong Sad wheezes.}

[edit] Box

{First time only. Strong Bad looks under the box, and finds a page of the Limozeen game manual.}

STRONG BAD: {Looks under the box} Oh, man.

STRONG BAD: {Looks under the box} Ugh.

STRONG BAD: {Looks under the box} Nope.

[edit] Bubs

Before Strong Bad sabotages the Cool Tapes or the Two-O-Duo
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Yo, Bubs! Shouldn't you be on-stage with Coach Z?
BUBS: I put him on an extended dance break. He'll be fine for a couple hours at least!

STRONG BAD: So...
BUBS: Don't bother me while I'm cheerin', man! Yayy!
After Strong Bad sabotages the Cool Tapes, but before he sabotages the Two-O-Duo
STRONG BAD: Shouldn't you be on-stage with Coach Z right now?
BUBS: Yeah, I probably should. Now that the Cool Tapes have lost their cool, we might be able to win this thing!
MARZIPAN: AND another thing!
HOMESTAR: Another thing? Booo!

STRONG BAD: Um...
BUBS: Don't hassle me while I'm booin', man! {Softly} Booo!
After Strong Bad sabotages the Two-O-Duo, but before he sabotages the Cool Tapes
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Man, that Coach Z hits like a girl! I don't see any bruises, welts or anything!
BUBS: Yeah, but my pride, ego and reputation all suffered internal bleeding!

STRONG BAD: So...
BUBS: Don't bother me while I'm cheerin', man! Yayy!
After Strong Bad sabotages both the Two-O-Duo and the Cool Tapes
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: So I guess the Two-O-Duo's comeback is kaput?
BUBS: Kaput and kaputie! At least we're not the only group having a bad day.
MARZIPAN: And have you noticed that as Limozeen's hair gets taller, the hole in the ozone layer gets bigger?
LARRY: Boooo-uh!

STRONG BAD: Um...
BUBS: Don't hassle me while I'm booin', man! {Softly} Booo!

[edit] The Cheat

Before Strong Bad sabotages the Cool Tapes
STRONG BAD: Hey, The Cheat!
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
After Strong Bad sabotages the Cool Tapes
STRONG BAD: Hmm... The Cheat is looking a bit, dare I say it, overwhelmed.
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

[edit] Homestar

Before Strong Bad sabotages the Cool Tapes or PomStar
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Hey, shouldn't you be on-stage pursuing your laughable dreams, or somethin'?
HOMESTAR: Mister Pom Pom is giving my golden vocal chords a break while he plays an extended piano solo, which is super cool because it gives me a chance to make Marzipan think I support her! Yaayyy!

STRONG BAD: So...
HOMESTAR: Don't stop me now, SB, I'm being supportive! Yaayy!
After Strong Bad sabotages the Cool Tapes, but before he sabotages PomStar
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Shouldn't you be crooning and gooning on the PomStar stage?
HOMESTAR: Well, I WAS taking a break to pretend to support my girlfriend, but now I'm just kind of embarrassed...
MARZIPAN: AND I heard that Limozeen bites the heads off of endangered albino bats!
LARRY: Man, we dropped that from our act years ago!
BUBS: Boooo!

STRONG BAD: Hey—
HOMESTAR: Don't bother me! I'm busy turning on my girlfriend! Booo!
After Strong Bad sabotages PomStar, but before he sabotages the Cool Tapes
STRONG BAD: Hey, didn't you used to be the "star" in PomStar?
HOMESTAR: {Angrily} I KNEW I shouldn't have listened to Pom Pom and his crazy radio walkie-talkie scheme! I'm able to walk and talk all by myself at least half the time.
After Strong Bad sabotages both PomStar and the Cool Tapes
STRONG BAD: Man, Marzipan's REALLY turned the crowd against her.
HOMESTAR: I know! It's sooo scandalous!
MARZIPAN: And do you know who REALLY killed the electric car? That's right, Limozeen.
LARRY: It was an accident! It pulled out right in front of us!
BUBS: Booo!

[edit] Marzipan

Before Strong Bad sabotages the Cool Tapes
STRONG BAD: Hey! Marzipan!
MARZIPAN: {Sing-song voice} I'm busy right now, Strong Bad.
STRONG BAD: I'd better wait until she's taking a break.
After Strong Bad sabotages the Cool Tapes
MARZIPAN: Limozeen spelt backwards is "Neezomil." Think about it, people!
STRONG BAD: I... think I'll catch up with Marzipan after the show.

[edit] Strong Mad

STRONG BAD: I dunno how Strong Mad differentiates between strings with those thumbs he has for fingers... and those forearms he has for thumbs!

[edit] Strong Sad

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Hey, useless. Can you get me back and/or on-stage?
STRONG SAD: I'll let you pass if you can answer my riddle: what has a mask, a bad attitude, and smells like burnt ozone?
STRONG BAD: Ahh...
STRONG SAD: You!
{Strong Sad shocks Strong Bad with his taser. Strong Bad punches Strong Sad in the stomach. Strong Sad wheezes}

STRONG BAD: Hey!
STRONG SAD: Move it along, citizen!

[edit] DÖI Stage — Off-stage

[edit] On the first arrival in the scene

STRONG BAD: ... Now, I know we've all been rehearsing our brains out, which wasn't a problem for you, Homsar, so I think it's finally time to name our band! In the spirit of solid rockidarity, we'll each pick a word...
{The player is presented with a menu of five unlabeled options for each of Strong Bad, the King of Town and Homsar in order. The end result of each combination is the same, but the options produce the following words:}
STRONG BAD:
  1. Diamond
  2. Devastating
  3. Deluxe
  4. Degenerate
  5. Demonic
THE KING OF TOWN:
  1. Octopus
  2. Omelette
  3. Oyster
  4. Oatmeal
  5. Oliveloaf
HOMSAR:
  1. Itch Machine
  2. Iguanodon
  3. Insurance
  4. Incorporated
  5. Insomniacs
{When the name has been selected:}

[edit] Devil

STRONG BAD: No offence, but that's the worst thing I've ever heard, and you're both idiots. Let's try it again... {Name selection repeats}

[edit] Angel

STRONG BAD: Hmmm... well, it's not as heavy or as metal as I'd like, but brain-crunching music like ours can make even the dumbest band names seem cool. {Turns to the mic} Okay world, get your socks ready to be rocked off by... {A close-up of each letter in the band's acronym is shown, as Strong Bad repeats each of the words selected above.} A-one, a-two, a-come and feel the brain crunch! {Some artistic shots follow of the King of Town and Homsar playing their respective instruments, before returning to Strong Bad, who shakes his head} Wow. We ss-ss-ss-ss-suck. If I wanna win this thing, looks like I'm gonna have to go out and sabotage all the other bands. {A shot of the Squeedily-Dee-O-Meter, showing DÖI losing by a significant margin} You guys keep... uh... rockin'. I'm gonna go, um, find some groupies, or something. {Gets off the stage}
KING OF TOWN: Make sure they bring dip!

[edit] Banner

STRONG BAD: {Deep, echoing voice} D! O! I! ... Nope, still not menacing.

[edit] Coloring Book

STRONG BAD: What's this? {Picks up the coloring book} Sweet! An unspoilt Limozeen Coloring Book! VG condition, light cover wear, some creasing. {Puts it away} Oh, I'm gonna spoil this thing rotten!

[edit] DÖI

STRONG BAD: I didn't think it was possible, but from down here, my band looks even worse.

STRONG BAD: STOP SUCKING!
KING OF TOWN: Thank you! We'll be here all week!

[edit] Homsar

In extended play. Clicking on the Theremaxx has the same effect
STRONG BAD: I shoulda figured you'd still be here.
HOMSAR: I leave my itch machine on pause, mostly!
{Theremin mini-game starts, though Homsar can no longer hit his head on the fuse box.}

[edit] Metal Detector

STRONG BAD: What the— {Finds a poster} A DÖI poster? I never gave any approval for these! It does kinda rule, though. Okay, I approve.

[edit] DÖI Stage — On-stage

After Strong Bad has sabotaged all three bands, the scene automatically changes here.

{Homsar and the King of Town standing on the stage. Suddenly, Strong Bad jumps up onto the stage}
STRONG BAD: Well, boys, thanks to the brilliance of your fearless leader, DÖI is about to win the battle of the bands! Let's just see the proof on the ol' Squeedily-Dee-O-Meter! {Shot of the aforementioned meter showing DÖI not quite winning} Oh, horse parts! We're still behind! Looks like we'll actually have to rock... somehow.
{The screen goes black, then comes up again to show the King of Town and Homsar playing their instruments. Strong Bad appears on the top speaker suspended over the stage}
STRONG BAD: All right, expensive-ticket holders! Are you ready to be musically, sonically, and if all goes according to plan, physically assaulted?!! {Strong Bad drops to the microphone on the stage. Crickets chirp. Shot of Bubs, Coach Z, Homestar and Marzipan in front of the stage, unmoved.} Hmm, tough crowd... of people in bands I just sabotaged. {Shot of the Squeedily-Dee-O-Meter, where DÖI's approval rating drops to the bottom of the scale} Lucky for me, I've got a secret weapon to make up for my band's overall suckiness! {Gradually more excited} Almost better than a flying pig, maybe cooler than a giant robotic demon, is my stage prop to end all stage props! {Close-up of some closed curtains at the back of the stage} Guaranteed to drive this stupid crowd into a frothing metal frenzy! Once I push that big red button over there, {Close-up of said button} the prize money, the prize glory, and the prize ladies will be mine! Oh, and I'll finally be able to fix my Fun Machine.

[edit] Bats

Only present after the fan gets disabled
STRONG BAD: {Waves his hands at the bats} Go on! Get out of here! Scram! Vamoose! Endele! Beat it! {Gives up}
Before the lever gets pulled
STRONG BAD: Hmm... looks like my patented "waving my arms around like a lunatic" style won't do the trick here.
After the lever gets pulled
STRONG BAD: Aww, craptastic! How's the audience ever gonna see my show-stopping stage-propping with all these bats and fog in front of it?

[edit] Button

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: All right, prop release button, do what you were born to do! {Presses the button. Nothing happens. Strong Bad presses the button several more times, then looks up to see a break in the wire.} What the crap? Who's been gnawing through my electrical cable?
{Cut to the King of Town just slurping up the last few bits of cable. He burps.}
STRONG BAD: Probably should have seen that one coming. Time for Plan X! All I have to do {shots of each step as Strong Bad lists it} is climb that ladder, make my way across the stage lights, hope that speaker won't get in my way, and pull the Emergency Prop Release Lever!

{Second time only}
STRONG BAD: Yep, still broken. I'm gonna have to climb that ladder and use the Emergency Prop Release Lever instead.

STRONG BAD: {Shouting} You're dead to me, button, you hear me? Dead!

[edit] Fan

Before it has been disabled
STRONG BAD: {Attempts to walk towards the fan, but gets driven away} That's the fan I rented to swirl fog around on stage. It may be a little too powerful, because all the fog is being blown into the next county.
After it has been disabled
STRONG BAD: It's our biggest fan! And like most of our fans, it's fried and useless.

[edit] Fog Machine

Before the fan has been disabled
STRONG BAD: That's the dry-ish ice fog machine Bubs talked me into renting. It was supposed to make our performance all spooooky and creeeepy, but all the fog's being blown away by that stupid fan... that Bubs also talked me into renting.
After the fan has been disabled
STRONG BAD: Well, the good news is, now that Homsar's burned out the fan, we've finally got some good creepy fog up here. The BAD news is, without something to swirl it around, it's all gathered in one spot.

[edit] Butter Tureen → Fog Machine

{Note, the butter tureen is called the lobster bucket before Strong Bad picks it up}
Before the lever has been pulled
STRONG BAD: Man, I'd love to pour butter in the fog machine, but that stupid sandbag's covering the intake hatch. {Pans up to show the sandbag is attached to the manual release lever}
After the lever has been pulled
STRONG BAD: {Pours the butter into the intake. The fog comes out yellow.} Butter plus dry ice equals... well, I'm not mathematician, but that sounds like the cool-dratic formula to me! {Shot of the butter-coated bats} Hmm, bleached buttered bats. Sounds like an appetizer at your neighborhood American bistro franchise.
KING OF TOWN: {Stops whacking the speaker with his guitar} Did someone say bleached buttered BATS?!! {Turns around to see them, then jumps into the air, catches one in his mouth, and eats it. As he finishes it and jumps for another:}
HOMESTAR: K-O-T! K-O-T!
WHOLE AUDIENCE: K-O-T! K-O-T!
STRONG BAD: Wow. This is WAY grosser than when some kid's older brother just tells you about it.
{As the King of Town finishes the last bat, the whole audience cheers. A shot of the Squeedily-Dee-O-Meter shows DÖI's approval rating shooting to the top, causing it to start exploding}
LARRY: Fan-freakin'-tastic, man!
STRONG BAD: {Sliding to the mic} Ladies and gentlemen! I give you {deep resonating voice} DÖI!!!
{A shot of Strong Bad's ultimate prop is shown. It's a cardboard cutout of a hand-drawn Strong Bad with spikes coming out of his gloves and "DÖI" written above, stuck to the wall.}
WHOLE AUDIENCE: K-O-T! K-O-T! {The King of Town jumps onto the crowd, who carries him off on their shoulders} K-O-T! K-O-T!
STRONG MAD: {Following along behind} T-K-O! T-K-O!
STRONG BAD: {Shouting after them} Whoa! My amazing stage prop drove you all so crazy that you accidentally carried the wrong guy off on your shoulders! That's cool! I'll just wait here until you realize that and come back for me!
{The camera zooms out to show Strong Bad is completely alone on the stage. Strong Bad knocks the mic stand over. The scene automatically changes to the game epilogue at the House of Strong.}

[edit] Fuse Box

Before the fan has been disabled
STRONG BAD: Looks like that hastily-rigged fuse box is plugged into the giant fan. Too bad I can't reach it from way down here.

STRONG BAD: Fuse box... fan.
After the fan has been disabled
STRONG BAD: I always suspected my frustration would eventually blow a fifty-amp fuse.

[edit] Giant Speaker

When still in the rafters
STRONG BAD: I'll never be able to pull that lever while the MegaWoofer's in the way.
After it has been brought down
STRONG BAD: Man, that speaker sure can take a lot of damage... musta been Cobain-proofed.

[edit] Helmet

STRONG BAD: {Struggles towards the helmet while being blown back by the fan} Must... grab... German... hat... {Makes a lunge for the helmet and grabs it, before being blown away, and unintentionally doing a knee-slide halfway across the stage.} Whooaaa!
HOMESTAR: That man slid! That man slid on his knees!
COACH Z: Oh, he's safe, he is safe!
LARRY: I haven't seen moves like that since the Moscow Music Peace Festival!
STRONG BAD: {Walking to the mic} Wait, wait, I haven't got to the cool part, yet!

[edit] Homsar

Before the fan has been disabled
STRONG BAD: Okay, let's rock this electronic whatchamajigit!

STRONG BAD: Let's jam, Homsar!

STRONG BAD: Move over and let a REAL master drive this inexplicable instrument for a while.
{Strong Bad is given control over Homsar's movements. Up and down movements of the cursor control Homsar's height (and the pitch of the note he's singing), while movements away from the central pole control his radius of orbit (and volume). If Homsar is not wearing the helmet, putting the cursor near the top left or right corners of the screen causes Homsar to hit his head on the fuse box. If he is wearing the helmet, the following happens:}
{The spike on Homsar's helmet penetrates the fuse box, shocking him and causing sparks to fly.}
HOMSAR: Ououou-b-b-b-b-b!
COACH Z: All right! Pyrotechnical!
LARRY: An old classic with a new twist!
{The fan grinds to a halt}
HOMSAR: Piiiiie!
{The group of albino bats that had been released earlier in the game fly above the stage.}
LARRY: Live bats? Impressive!
BUBS: What a show, man!
{The bats and the fog congregate in the middle of the stage, right in front of the curtains covering Strong Bad's stage prop. Homsar pulls himself free as Strong Bad walks to the mic.}
STRONG BAD: Save some for later, guys! I haven't unleashed my amazing prop yet!
After the fan has been disabled
STRONG BAD: I think Homsar's doing just fine without any more... "help" from me...

[edit] Helmet → Homsar

STRONG BAD: {Jumps up and places the helmet on Homsar's head} Hold still, you weird little misspelling!
{Strong Bad walks to the mic}
STRONG BAD: Ladies and Gentlemen, Baron von Homsar, der Commisar of Metal!
MARZIPAN: He's so dangerous!
HOMESTAR: I wish I was that cool! Stupid letters E and T!
LARRY: Nice work! Weird instrument is the new four-necked guitar!

[edit] King of Town

Before the speaker has been brought down
{First time only}
{Strong Bad walks to the mic}
STRONG BAD: Ladies and gentlemen, the King of Town!
KING OF TOWN: What's that? Oh! {Plays a solo that ends with him striking his bucket with his guitar, knocking the lobster out.}

{Strong Bad walks to the mic}
STRONG BAD: Once again, metal-lovers and meat-lovers, the KOT!
KING OF TOWN: What's that? Oh! {Plays the same solo, complete with bucket-whacking.}
After the speaker has been brought down
STRONG BAD: Wow! Check out the King of Townsend!

[edit] Ladder

Before the fan has been disabled
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Okay, ladder, prepare to get ladded! {Strong Bad attempts to walk towards the ladder, but gets driven back by the fan.} Ergh! Stupid fan.

STRONG BAD: {Strong Bad attempts to walk towards the ladder, but gets driven back by the fan.} Ergh! Yeah, that's not gonna work.
After the fan has been disabled
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: {Climbing the ladder} Ooh! I've always wanted to be the creepy guy-in-the-rafters at a concert!

{Strong Bad climbs up/down the ladder}

[edit] Lever

From the stage
STRONG BAD: That's the Emergency Prop Release Lever, which can be used to, um, release props... in an emergency.
Before the speaker has been brought down
STRONG BAD: Not sure I'll be able to reach it with that humungous bass speaker in the way, though.
From the rafters
STRONG BAD: All right, spectacle lovers! Feast your spectacles on the coolest stage prop ever deployed by manbeast or beastman! {Winds the lever, causing the curtains to part and the sandbags to shift, but the result is hidden by the fog and the bats. Strong Bad slides to the floor.}
STRONG BAD: Ta-daa!
HOMESTAR: Booo!
LARRY: Whoa! Major stagecraft misfire!
{Shot of the stage prop being obscured by the fog and the bats}
STRONG BAD: Curse you, fog-bats! Not to be confused with Foghat!
{Shot of the Squeedily-Dee-O-Meter as DÖI's approval drops to zero.}

[edit] Lobster

Only separately clickable after the King of Town's first solo
STRONG BAD: Here, lobby-lobby-lobby. {Picks up the lobster} Kids, this may look like fun, but Strong Bad is a stunt driver on a closed course, with team of licensed crustacean wranglers backing him up. So remember, NEVER put live buttered lobsters down your pants. Unless, y'know, you've got five bucks running on it. Then knock yourself out. {Puts the lobster away}

[edit] Lobster Bucket

Before the speaker has been brought down
{Strong Bad reaches for the bucket, but is prevented from taking it by the King of Town swinging his guitar at him.}
KING OF TOWN: Hey!
STRONG BAD: Yikes! Man, the King of Town isn't fooling around with his axe-axe!
After the speaker has been brought down
STRONG BAD: Hmmm, the lobsters are all gone, but there's still a lot of butter left. {Takes the bucket}

[edit] Speaker Cable

STRONG BAD: Hmmm... that speaker cable looks like it's the only thing keeping the MegaWoofer from crashing to the stage in a shower of sparks and flames! Of all the episodes to be caught without a sword, hedge shears or nunchuck gun...

[edit] Lobster → Speaker Cable

STRONG BAD: {Gets the lobster out} I wonder if this lobster's claws are sharp enough to cut through this cable! {Strong Bad clamps the lobster's claw on the cable, to no avail} Hmm... guess not. I'd bett—
KING OF TOWN: There you are!
STRONG BAD: Uh-oh.
KING OF TOWN: Thought you could get away from me, did you?
{The King of Town swings for the lobster with his axe but misses, which cuts the cable, sending the lobster straight up, and the speaker straight down. The lobster falls on top of the speaker. The members of the audience cheer. The lobster pops up behind the speaker, waving his claws at the King of Town, causing him to strike at it with his guitar, but it ducks away. This happens continually from here on}
LARRY: Totally awesome!
STRONG BAD: If you liked that, you're gonna LOVE my stage-prop! {Guestures to the curtain-obscured prop.}

[edit] Theremaxx

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: What the crap is that?
STRONG SAD: The theremin is one of the first electronic instruments ever created, and the first to be played without actually touching it. Invented by Leon Theremin in 1919 after the outbreak of the Russian Civil War—
STRONG BAD: {Interrupting} I repeats, what the crap is that?

STRONG BAD: I don't know what a theremin is, but I'm pretty sure that's a ginormous one.

[edit] PomStar Stage

On the first arrival in the scene

STRONG BAD: Okay, let's see if Homestar can remember his lines without somebody there to coach him along. {Sees Homestar on stage with headphones on} What in the...?!
HOMESTAR: {Sings} That's why I think we should break up, but still be allowed to make out sooooometimes! {stops singing, the rest of the sentence is said with a smooth voice} No strings attached, girl. Thank you, thank you twice.
MARZIPAN: Yaayy!
COACH Z: Marry me, Homestar!
HOMESTAR: {Smooth voice} Oh, you're too kind, too kind. We sure have some lovely lady-types in the audience tonight.
{Marzipan and Coach Z sigh lovingly}
STRONG BAD: What the crap? At auditions, Homestar could barely string two words together, much less smooth-talk anyone. Something's fishy... and I need to find that fish, gut it, and deep-fry it.

At intervals when in the scene, before Strong Bad sabotages PomStar

HOMESTAR: You know the veggie lovers? Some people say they're crazy, lovin' their veggies and all...

HOMESTAR: But I say hey, brother. Lay off the veggie-lovers...

HOMESTAR: ... they ain't hurtin' nobody...

HOMESTAR: ... except maybe a kumquat or two...

HOMESTAR: ... so let's give some love back to the veggie lov-ers...

HOMESTAR: ... some love 'n' some soul...

HOMESTAR: {singing to the theme from Neverending Story} Oh, vegetable lovin' wo-man! Ain't nobody put her down, put her down, put her dooooown...

[edit] Banner

STRONG BAD: PomStar, two not-so-great tastes that taste like a grate together. Y'know, like a sewer grate. Something that would have gross green stuff on it.

[edit] Coach Z

Before Strong Bad sabotages PomStar or the Two-O-Duo
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Aren't you supposed to be on-stage with Bubs?
COACH Z: Aw, Bubs is doing one of his extended keytar solos, so I thought I'd come over here and get my swoon on. {Sighs}

STRONG BAD: Coach Z—
COACH Z: Quit your yabbering, Strong Bad! I've got some grade-A swoonin' to do here! {Sighs}
After Strong Bad sabotages PomStar, but before he sabotages the Two-O-Duo
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Hey Coach Z, shouldn't you be on-stage with Bubs doing whatever it is you do?
COACH Z: Yeah, I probably should. With Homestar up there spoutin' gibberish, the Two-O-Duo's gonna clean their clocks!
DRIVE-THRU WHALE: The average person produces almost a liter of saliva a day!
HOMESTAR: {Monotone} The average person produces almost a liter of saliva a day!

STRONG BAD: Umm...
COACH Z: Can't talk now, Strong Bad, I've got displeasure to voice! Boo!
After Strong Bad sabotages the Two-O-Duo, but before he sabotages PomStar
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Tired of trying to make things work as the One-O-Uno?
COACH Z: Aw, Bubs'll be back. He loves me like a brother... {Pauses} Hates me like a brother too!

STRONG BAD: Coach Z—
COACH Z: Quit your yabbering, Strong Bad! I've got some grade-A swoonin' to do here! {Sighs}
After Strong Bad sabotages both the Two-O-Duo and PomStar
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Shouldn't you be on-stage trying to salvage what's left of the Two-O-Duo?
COACH Z: Maybe I should! With the PomStar Vocal Experience going nutso, I might be able to pull off an upset!
DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Insert tab A into sprocket G!
HOMESTAR: {Monotone} Insert tab A into sprocket G!
MARZIPAN: Gross! Boooo!

STRONG BAD: Umm...
COACH Z: Can't talk now, Strong Bad, I've got displeasure to voice! Boo!

[edit] Drive-Thru Whale

If the antenna is missing or pointing backwards
DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Your friends are all laughing at you behind your back!
MARZIPAN: {Angrily} Do you mind? Some of us are trying to enjoy the concert.

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: There's no love like bonobo love!
MARZIPAN: {Haughtily} I hate it when people talk during the bands!
COACH Z: Yeah, keep it down, Moby Dork!
If the antenna is pointing towards Limozeen
DRIVE-THRU WHALE: In many cultures, large nostrils are a sign of virility.
{The whale's line comes out of the Limozeen cut-out's speakers}
LARRY: Yeah, totally!
If the antenna is pointing towards Strong Sad
DRIVE-THRU WHALE: If seal is punctured, notify supervisor at once.
{Shot of Strong Sad. The whale's line comes out of his radio}
STRONG SAD: {Without pressing "talk" on the radio} Uh, I didn't copy that. What should I do with my seal again? Over.
If the antenna is pointing towards Homestar
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Okay, NOW let's see what happens.
DRIVE-THRU WHALE: If I wanted your opinion, I'd eat your brain!
HOMESTAR: {Smooth voice} And I've got a personal message I want to send out to each and every one of y'all. {Shouting} If I wanted your opinion, I'd eat your brain!
MARZIPAN: WHAT?
COACH Z: {Simultaneously} What in the—
POM POM: {Simultaneously} {Surprised bubbles}
HOMESTAR: {Smooth voice} No wait, cats and dogs, what I meant to say was—
DRIVE-THRU WHALE: If swelling persists for more than three hours, consult your physician immediately.
HOMESTAR: {Monotone} If swelling persists for more than three hours, consult your physician immediately.
COACH Z: Ugh, how am I supposed to swoon to THAT jargle?
MARZIPAN: Homestar, you were melting my heart! Now you just sound like you're melting!
{Marzipan and Coach Z alternate booing. A shot of the Squeedily-Dee-O-Meter showing PomStar's approval dropping.}
LARRY: Wow! Major breakdown!
{Strong Bad laughs}

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: This igloo has been weather-proofed for your viewing pleasure!
HOMESTAR: {Monotone} This igloo has been weather-proofed for your viewing pleasure!
COACH Z: Booo!
MARZIPAN: That's not artistic, that's just random and stupid!
HOMESTAR: {Normal voice} What am I saying?
{Strong Bad laughs}

During Extended Play
DRIVE-THRU WHALE: There's no love like bonobo love!

[edit] Billy Club → Drive-Thru Whale

{Strong Bad whacks the whale with the club. The club stops dead when it makes contact, leaving Strong Bad vibrating in reaction, cartoon-style}
STRONG BAD: Oww-ww-ww-ww-ww! {Recovers} Ouch! Man, not only is that thing incomprehensible, it's indestructible too!

[edit] Hanger → Drive-Thru Whale

{If not already done at The Field}
STRONG BAD: Watch in horror as I merge fish and technology in one ungodly combination!
STRONG SAD: {Walks past} Actually, the whale is really a mammal, and—
STRONG BAD: Rise, Fish-hanger, RISE! {Strong Bad jams the hanger into the whale's blowhole. Sparks fly} Sparks! That's an evil experiment's way of saying "thanks"!

[edit] Homestar

Before Strong Bad sabotages PomStar
STRONG BAD: Hey, Varry White!
HOMESTAR: {Smooth voice} I just wanna give a shout-out to all the carbon-based life-forms in the audience tonight. Must be a convention in town, or something...
MARZIPAN: {Doe-eyed} He's so sincere!
COACH Z: It's like he found my letters and read each one out loud!
STRONG BAD: I gotta figure out how Homestar's pulling off this smooth charade. Oh, wait! {To Homestar} Hey, play "Smooth Charade!"

STRONG BAD: Hey!
HOMESTAR: Can't talk now, Strong Bad. I'm on my way to scoring a career-ending gig at a Vegas hotel!
STRONG BAD: I'd end your career right now if I could figure out how you're doing this!
HOMESTAR: Next up, we'd like to do a little number called "Smooth Charade." {Singing} Oh, smoooooth charade.
After Strong Bad sabotages PomStar
STRONG BAD: Hey, Homestar!
HOMESTAR: Please, baby, let me explain! {To Strong Bad} Strong Bad! Get me outta here!
STRONG BAD: {Stage-shouting} I'm sorry, I can't hear you! The suck is turned up too loud!
MARZIPAN AND COACH Z: Booo!
In Extended Play
STRONG BAD: Dude. It's over.
HOMESTAR: It's not over until some fat lady sings, Strong Bad! {Sings} Oh, smooth charaaade...
STRONG BAD: The fat lady sang over a month ago... only, it was a guy, and he wasn't singing so much as he was eating bats... but the point is you lost, and I won. Again.
HOMESTAR: I'll show you, Strong Bad. {Getting more agitated} I'll show 'em all! Homestar's gonna be a star baby! Um... star, comma, baby.
STRONG BAD: Man, absolutely no fame really DOES change people.

[edit] Marzipan

Before Strong Bad sabotages PomStar or the Cool Tapes
STRONG BAD: Hey, shouldn't you be on-stage with the rest of your "Cool" Tapes?
MARZIPAN: The Cheat's in the middle of a one-hour drum solo, so I thought I'd come over and watch Homestar embarrass himself. But I never expected him to be so {doe eyes} genuinely charming... {sighs dreamily}
After Strong Bad sabotages PomStar, but before he sabotages the Cool Tapes
STRONG BAD: Shouldn't you be on-stage torturing innocent music lovers with your folksy pop rock?
MARZIPAN: Maybe I should! Goodness knows there's nothing interesting going on around here any more...
DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Please evacuate the crumple zone!
HOMESTAR: {Monotone} Please evacuate the crumple zone!
After Strong Bad sabotages the Cool Tapes, but before he sabotages PomStar
STRONG BAD: Shouldn't you be on-stage lobbing more musical hand-grenades at the judges?
MARZIPAN: {Firmly} Carol and I are taking a much-needed break from those nasty Limozeeners. {Calmly} And what better way to calm down than by listening to Homestar's dreamy voice? {Sighs dreamily}
After Strong Bad sabotages both the Cool Tapes and PomStar
STRONG BAD: Shouldn't you be on-stage abusing your celebrity judges?
MARZIPAN: Maybe I should. THIS train has obviously left the station... and collided with a herd of grass-fed cattle.
DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Pinch the skin before injecting.
HOMESTAR: Pinch the skin before injecting.
COACH Z: Who do you think you are, Homestar? Homsar?

[edit] Bleach-dumping Photo → Marzipan

STRONG BAD: Take a look at this photo! {Shows Marzipan the photo}
MARZIPAN: Oh dear! Those poor fish! Gimme that! {Marzipan takes the photo, crumples it up, and throws it away} People who despoil the environment like that really baba my ganoush.

[edit] Whale-beating Photo → Marzipan

STRONG BAD: Check THIS out, Marzipan. {Shows Marzipan the photo}
MARZIPAN: Trials of life! Who could be so cruel? Gimme that! {Marzipan takes the photo, crumples it up, and throws it away} People who assault peaceful sea mammals really steam my dumplings!

[edit] Teen Girl Squad Meets Limozeen → Marzipan

Before Strong Bad draws in it
STRONG BAD: Hey Marzipan, take a look at this!
MARZIPAN: Aren't you a little old to be playing with coloring books, Strong Bad?
STRONG BAD: It's not a coloring book! It's an Interactive Chromatic Short-Form Novel!
After Strong Bad draws in it
STRONG BAD: Looky here, Marzipan. {Shows Marzipan the book}
MARZIPAN: What's this? Oh my, what's Limozeen doing to those—? Oh, that's not nice! Gimme that! {Marzipan takes the book, crumples it up, and throws it away} I get very upset when I see women being exploited in the media, even if it IS a poorly-drawn coloring book.
STRONG BAD: Poorly drawn?

Immediately after the first piece of anti-Limozeen evidence is shown to Marzipan
MARZIPAN: Still, we all make mistakes now and then. I once accidentally wore a fur coat for an entire date before I realized it wasn't a faux-fur, but faux-faux fur, made from real faux-fauxs.
Immediately after the second piece of anti-Limozeen evidence is shown to Marzipan
MARZIPAN: Those Limozeeners better watch themselves, or I don't know what I'll do.
Immediately after the third piece of anti-Limozeen evidence is shown to Marzipan
MARZIPAN: In fact, I think I've had just about enough of Limozeen and their not-at-all-nice behavior! {scene changes to the Cool Tapes stage}

[edit] Pom Pom

Before Strong Bad sabotages PomStar
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Hey, Pom Pom!
POM POM: {Bubbles angrily}
STRONG BAD: Yeah, you DO look pretty busy. Sorry.
HOMESTAR: {Smooth voice} Leave me alone! Can't you see I'm busy playing the piano?
STRONG BAD: Hmm, THAT was curious.

STRONG BAD: Hey—
POM POM: {Bubbles angrily}
HOMESTAR: {Smooth voice} I SAID, leave me alone, Strong Bad.
STRONG BAD: Hmm...
After Strong Bad sabotages PomStar
{First time only}
HOMESTAR: {Smooth voice} Some people ask me what I think of the fans.
STRONG BAD: Hey PP, the fans look pretty POed.
POM POM: {Bubbles angrily}
HOMESTAR: {Smooth voice} Well the fans can all kiss my inflated yellow butt, aww, yeah. No, wait.
MARZIPAN AND COACH Z: Booo!
LARRY: Whoa, insulting the audience, bad form!

STRONG BAD: Hey!
POM POM: {Bubbles angrily}
HOMESTAR: Get out of my face!
MARZIPAN: {Angrily} Hmmph, maybe I will.
COACH Z: I don't think I've been this insulted in several minutes!

[edit] Strong Sad

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Hey, useless. Can you get me back and/or on-stage?
STRONG SAD: I'll let you pass if you can answer my riddle: what has a mask, a bad attitude, and smells like burnt ozone?
STRONG BAD: Ahh... Y—
{Strong Sad shocks Strong Bad with his taser. Strong Bad punches Strong Sad in the stomach}
STRONG SAD: {Wheezes, then speaks into the radio} Mama Elephant, this is Baby Elephant, we've got a situation here. Over.
HOMESTAR: {Smooth voice} This is Baby Elephant. We've got a situation over here.

STRONG BAD: Hey!
STRONG SAD: Move it along, citizen!
{Strong Sad shocks Strong Bad with his taser. Strong Bad punches Strong Sad in the stomach}
STRONG SAD: {Wheezes, then speaks into the radio} Baby Elephant scores again! Over.
HOMESTAR: {Smooth voice} Baby Elephant scores again. O-ver.

[edit] Two-O-Duo Stage

On the first arrival in the scene

STRONG BAD: DÖI might not be the best band in any given ten-foot radius, but at least we're better than the Two-O-Duo.
{Shot of the Duo playing}
POM POM: {Bubbles excitedly}
THE CHEAT: {Happy The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: You've gotta be kidding me!
BUBS: {Rapping and playing the keytar} I may be soft 'round the middle, but I'm still hardcore,
BUBS: We're stealing stuff from my own dang store!
COACH Z: {Simultaneously} He's stealing stuff from his own dang store!
COACH Z: And we're out!
BUBS: Hang on!
COACH Z: I said, and we're out. {Music stops}
POM POM: {Bubbles admiringly}
THE CHEAT: {Impressed The Cheat noises}
LARRY: These guys put the REALLY old back in old-school!
STRONG BAD: Great. The ONE act I thought would be worse than DÖI is actually kickin' it live!

[edit] Banner

STRONG BAD: "Two-O-Duo". That banner would look a lot cooler with a few umlauts.

[edit] Bubs

Before Strong Bad sabotages the Two-O-Duo
STRONG BAD: Bubs! You're a keytar hero!
BUBS: Can't talk now, Strong Bad! I gotta get ready to segue into Coach Z's next dance break!

[edit] The Cheat

Before Strong Bad sabotages the Two-O-Duo or the Cool Tapes
STRONG BAD: Hey, The Cheat, why aren't you laying the beat down for Marzipan?
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: A Strong Mad bass solo? I can't imagine why you'd want to miss that...
After Strong Bad sabotages the Two-O-Duo, but before he sabotages the Cool Tapes
STRONG BAD: Can't stop staring at the flaming wreckage of the Two-O-Duo reunion?
THE CHEAT: {Angry The Cheat noises} Meh!
STRONG BAD: Word.
After Strong Bad sabotages the Cool Tapes, but before he sabotages the the Two-O-Duo
STRONG BAD: Had to get away from the heat Marzipan was bringing down, huh?
THE CHEAT: {Angry The Cheat noises}
After Strong Bad sabotages both the Cool Tapes and the Two-O-Duo
STRONG BAD: What's the word, The Cheat?
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: What's a Schadenfreude?

[edit] Coach Z

Before Strong Bad sabotages the Two-O-Duo
{Coach Z dances and shakes}
THE CHEAT AND POM POM: {Excited noises/bubbles}
STRONG BAD: Dang it. Coach Z's fancy dancin' prancin' is making everybody forget that his lyrics is whack.

{Coach Z raps and wriggles}
THE CHEAT AND POM POM: {Excited noises/bubbles}
STRONG BAD: Man, this... {clears throat} "crowd" can't get enough of the way Bubs is making Coach Z shake his moolah-maker.

{Coach Z writhes and bounces}
THE CHEAT/POM POM: {Excited noises/bubbles}
STRONG BAD: If I wanna win this contest, I've gotta put a stop to Coach Z's rhythmic convulsions!
After Strong Bad sabotages the Two-O-Duo
STRONG BAD: Ooh, that looks painful... but pretty hilarious.

[edit] Dead Fish

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: {pokes the fish} Ick. {Finds a shot glass} Hey sweet, it's the hard-to-find Limozeen shot glass featuring the unfortunately-named drummer Mary Palaroncini!

[edit] Metal Detector

{Strong Bad finds a page of the Limozeen game manual}

[edit] Pom Pom

Before Strong Bad sabotages the Two-O-Duo or PomStar
STRONG BAD: Shouldn't you be on-stage making Homestar's dreams a nighmarish reality?
POM POM: {Bubbles}
After Strong Bad sabotages the Two-O-Duo, but before he sabotages PomStar
STRONG BAD: Hey roundy, how 'bout that Two-O-Duo reunion?
POM POM: {Bubbles irritatedly}
After Strong Bad sabotages PomStar, but before he sabotages the Two-O-Duo
STRONG BAD: Can't stand to face the wrath of angry fans?
POM POM: {Bubbles accusingly}
After Strong Bad sabotages both PomStar and the Two-O-Duo
STRONG BAD: Man, Bubs and Coach Z have stunk up this concert almost as badly as you and Homestar!
POM POM: {Bubbles}

[edit] Pond

Before the bleach is added
STRONG BAD: That's the ol' fishin' hole! ... I think it's got more apostrophes than fish.
After the bleach is added
{Long, panning shot over the pond. A large tear leaks from Strong Bad's eye, which he hurriedly wipes away}
STRONG BAD: Whoa, must have got some bleach in my eye there for a second. That stuff's nasty!

[edit] Bleach → Pond

STRONG BAD: {Goes to pour the bleach in, then reconsiders} I'd better not. Once, I threw a gum wrapper in there, and Marzipan protested me into the middle of next week with the business end of her guitar. {Pan across the pond to see a flashback of Marzipan knocking Strong Bad into the pond using Carol. Present-day Strong Bad shakes his head.} Who knows what she'd do to someone who bleach-dumped into this stinkpool? {Puts the bleach away}

[edit] Record Box

Before Strong Bad sabotages the Two-O-Duo
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: This must be the box of seven-inches Bubs is pullin' samples from. Let's see what's in here. {Looks in the box} Man! Bubs has all the classics!
{Strong Bad is given access to rearrange the records, including ones from his inventory. When Strong Bad exits the box, Bubs puts down the keytar.}
BUBS: Dance break! {Bubs plays each record from the box in order from front to back, and Coach Z performs the relevant dance moves.}
After a successful dance
THE CHEAT/POM POM: {Excited noises/bubbles}
If Coach Z is not able to perform a particular move
COACH Z: Hey, DJ Bubs, whatchoo tryin' to prove? Ain't no way Coach Z can bust that move!

COACH Z: Feet so fine, feet so phat, but I don't really think I can dance like that.
When Strong Bad orders the records such that Coach Z hits Bubs
BUBS: Uh-oh!
COACH Z: {hitting Bubs} Da punches! Da punches!
BUBS: No! Quit it! Ow! Knock it—! Stop! {Music stops with a record scratch}
COACH Z: {frightened} Oh, jeez!
BUBS: {now very mad at Coach Z} That's it! I don't know WHY I thought it would be a good idea to get back together with a clumsy dumsy like you—
STRONG BAD: That was all me!
BUBS: ...but I'm never, ever, EVER sharin' a stage, arena, or transient men's motel lounge with you ever again! EVER! {Leaves}
COACH Z: Well, on with the show, I guess? {Raps} One, two, one-one two.
THE CHEAT AND POM POM: {Disapproving noises/bubbles}
{A shot of the Squeedily-Dee-O-Meter showing the Two-O-Duo's approval dropping}
STRONG BAD: That takes care of the Two-O-Duo. That's the third time this week I've gotten them to reunite and break up again in the same day!
After Strong Bad sabotages the Two-O-Duo
STRONG BAD: I don't really need to mess with Bubs' records any more.

[edit] Doin' the Wigglie

MARSHIE: Wiggle, waggle, wiggle, waggle, wiggle, waggle, go! Wiggle, waggle, wiggle, waggle, wiggle, waggle, go! Wiggle, waggle, wiggle, waggle, wiggle, waggle, go!
{Coach Z wiggles his body}

[edit] Left-Shift-Alt-Delete

SINGER: Left-shift, left-shift, left-shift... left-alt-delete.
{Coach Z slides to his left}

[edit] Roll with the Punches

SINGER: They make you roll with the punches, the punches (and then they, and then they)— they make you roll...
{Coach Z punches the air}

[edit] Slide Right, Y'all

SINGER: Ri-right, right, ri-ri-right, right, ri-right, right...
{Coach Z slides to his right}

[edit] Three O'Clock Twist

SINGER: It's the three, it's the three, it's the three o'clock twist.
{Coach Z turns ninety degrees to his right}

[edit] Hugo Left Me Miserable

STRONG SAD: Hugo— Hugo left, left, left, le-left, left...
{Coach Z slides to his left}


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