Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective Responses (Catacombs)

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"You can't get past me, I'm a monster!"

Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from the Catacombs in Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.

A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.


[edit] Catacombs

[edit] On first arrival

COACH Z: {Peeking around the door frame} I've got a bad {pronounced "baayyyaaarrrlllleerrrd"} feelin' about this, Dangeresque. {Panning shot of the catacombs} It's spooky and smells like sardines!
STRONG BAD: Dangeresque eats spooky for lunch! And sometimes sardines... but only if we're out of fish sticks. You stay here and watch the entrance. This is something I've got to do... alone. {Imitating an echo} Alone, alone, alone.

[edit] In extended play

ON-SCREEN CAPTION: FX Interviews: The Catacombs
STRONG BAD: Okay, so these are the spooky catacombs. {Panning around the room} As you can see, it's really just the King of Town's old gravy-stained records room. {Pans back to Strong Bad} Which is still pretty spooky. This is where the showdown with the CG monster is going to take place! The Cheat is our director of creature effects, and Strong Sad will be providing the mo-cap animation. Let's talk to them about their roles in the making of Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective.

[edit] Boxes

STRONG BAD: The treacherously-perched debris that caved in on the monster as it died. Classic stuff.

[edit] Smallest Box

STRONG BAD: {Looks under the box} Ooh, what's this? {Finds the shoes} What's THIS doin' out here? This belongs back in Wardrobe for me to try on later!

[edit] The Cheat

Only appears in extended play
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: So, The Cheat. You are in charge of the special effects for this scene. What can viewers expect to see?
THE CHEAT: {Annoyed The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: Busy? But this is for the DVD special edition extras!
THE CHEAT: {Dismissive The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: {To camera} The Cheat is a little too preoccupied with setting up this scene to provide an in-depth interview at this moment. I can only assume that this means the effects will be a cinematic masterpiece of epic proportions! I can't wait to see the final results!

STRONG BAD: Hey, The Cheat.
THE CHEAT: {Dismissive The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: We'd better leave him alone, so he can get these awesome computer-generated effects just perfect!

[edit] Doors (first set)

{The doors open. The Cheat's hand can be seen pulling the left one}
COACH Z: Hey, look at that! You opened up that there gateway thingie!
STRONG BAD: {Walking through} This is as far as dad got. Man, that was easy! I can't believe he went totally nutsoid from one little— {Strong Bad comes up against another door} Oh.

[edit] Doors (second set)

STRONG BAD: This one's locked. {faces the entrance} And I'm not about to go back-tracking through several environments looking for a stupid key that I missed along the way. I'll just have to find another way to open it.

[edit] Heart

STRONG BAD: {Takes the heart} ... the legendary Blood-Soaked Albino Griffin Prism Heart!

[edit] Kidnapping Victim

{The Poopsmith holds out a sign reading "I'm Saved!!")
STRONG BAD: You must be the kidnapped little girl, but... you're a beautiful woman now!
{The Poopsmith holds out a sign reading "Awwww thanks". Strong Bad puts his hand on the Poopsmith's lips}
STRONG BAD: Shhh, don't talk, baby. It's over now. {The Poopsmith pulls out a newspaper, headlined "LOST KIDNAPPING SLOVED", which Strong Bad takes} I'll take THIS as proof that the case is now closed! And I'll tell my father... he was right all along.
{The Poopsmith leaves, and Coach Z arrives}
COACH Z: What the creep jeepers is going on in here?
STRONG BAD: I solved the kidnapping case, Renaldo! She was kidnapped by a monster with a broken heart.
COACH Z: That's the dumbest— {Jump cut} Dangeresque, you're a genius!
STRONG BAD: No, I'm genius-esque! Now let's go tell dad!
COACH Z: Race ya there!
{They both leave, and return to the Venice set}

In extended play

STRONG BAD: So, Poopsm— {Bursts out laughing} I can't talk to you right now. {To camera, pointing at the Poopsmith's wig.} That's just too funny! Talk about special effects make-up!

[edit] Nunchuck Gun → Kidnapping Victim

STRONG BAD: {Whips out his nunchuck gun} Freeze, lady! {Stifles a laugh} I can't, I just can't. {Puts his nunchuck gun away and walks off-screen}

[edit] Metal Detector

STRONG BAD: This must have been left here ages ago by some poor kidnapped treasure hunter looking for lost doubloons, and Sergeant Pepper-oni's Pizza Palace tokens. {Takes the detector and shovel}
In extended play
STRONG BAD: This thing was meant to be a prop that I used DURING the movie, but SOMEBODY never bothered to pick it up!

[edit] Monster

While the monster is alive
At intervals
STRONG SAD: Rawr! You'll never get past me! Growwrrr!

STRONG SAD: Arrrgghhh!

STRONG SAD: Graaa! Ooooo!


STRONG SAD: I'm gonna eat you! Grroowwwll!
If Strong Bad attempts to pass
STRONG SAD: Rawr! Grooo! Arrr! {Swipes the air}
STRONG BAD: {Bad-acting} Oh man, it's too powerful! I'll never be able to get past it!

STRONG SAD: Oooorrlll! You can't get past me, I'm a monster! Grarrr! {Swipes the air}
After the monster is dead
STRONG BAD: Yup. He dead.
In extended play
STRONG BAD: {To camera} This is Strong Sad, {disgusted voice} my little brother. {Normal voice} He was cast in the role of the horrific monster of the Lost Kidnapping Case! See? Being the director's personal punching bag DOES have its perks! {To Strong Sad} Tell us, Strong Sad. What did you do to prepare for this role?
STRONG SAD: Well, all I really did was drink that glass of pink milk that you gave me and them I mysteriously fell right to sleep! When I woke up, I was painted green, and you had glued ping-pong balls all over my body. This was TWO WEEKS ago!
STRONG BAD: {To the camera} Such dedication, folks! Two whole weeks completely immersed in this role. This is going to be a performance you won't soon forget!

STRONG BAD: {To Strong Sad} Is there anything else you'd like to tell us about your unique role?
STRONG SAD: Only that I think I'm having an allergic reaction to this paint. {Eyes go funny} Waaa...
STRONG BAD: Just hang in there! You know what they say: pain and horribly-scarring skin conditions are temporary... film is forever!

[edit] Formula → Monster

STRONG BAD: Get serious! That monster is a hundred feet tall with acid skin! That ain't gonna stop him!

[edit] Heart → Monster

STRONG BAD: Hey giant octosaurus, time for a little heart-to-heart! {Throws the heart, which lands neatly in the container on the monster's chest}
{A collection of boxes falls from the ceiling onto the monster's head, dropped by The Cheat}

[edit] Nunchuck Gun → Monster

STRONG BAD: {Whips out his nunchuck gun} Freeze, nighmarish and realistically-rendered CG monster! {Makes sound effects} T-chk! T-chk! Oh no! My nunchuck gun jammed! Better try something else.

[edit] Trinket → Monster

STRONG BAD: This old trinket's already broken. I don't want to break it any more by hurling it at that overly-powerful creature!

[edit] Mural

STRONG BAD: Could this be a clue?
COACH Z: Hey, that looks like the number eight combo meal from El Taco Leche's!
STRONG BAD: {turns to Coach Z, annoyed} No it doesn't! It looks like a CLUE! {turns back to the mural} One of my dad's clues. About the lost kidnapping case.

In extended play

STRONG BAD: Could this be a clue?

[edit] Puzzle

When stepping away
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Ah, good. The puzzle resets itself if I step away. Very clever!
When the correct solution is entered
STRONG BAD: {Making sound effects} Psshhhh! {Close-up as The Cheat's hand moves the center panel of the puzzle, revealing half a trinket.}
{Strong Bad turns around}
STRONG BAD: {nervously} What's that?!?
{The second set of doors open, revealing Strong Sad as the monster, painted green with a red heart container in the middle of his chest, and covered in motion-capture ping-pong balls.}
STRONG SAD: Raawwwrr! I'm a scary monster {Dramatic zoom in} Aarroooo! Look at me! {Claws the air} I'm gonna bite your head off! Garr! Grrr! Grawr!
STRONG BAD: Holy cra—
{The video pauses}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} The Cheat, what happened? You told me this was gonna look like kind of giant T-Rex with tentacle arms and laser beam eyes!
THE CHEAT: {voiceover The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Fix it in post? This IS post!
THE CHEAT: {voiceover dismissive The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover grumble}
{Video resumes}
STRONG BAD: —rap! I better figure this thing out before that thing bites my extremely handsome head off!
After the heart is gone
STRONG BAD: Hey, there's something else jammed up in here. {Pulls out a game manual page} Ah-ha! So that's where the field operations manual for classified space travel went to! A hot female agent must have left this here for me.
After the manual page is gone
STRONG BAD: Awesome.

STRONG BAD: Intriguing.

In extended play
STRONG BAD: I out-sourced a team of ego-driven video game puzzle designers to come up with this pat-themselves-on-the-back clever contraption. {Turns to the camera} They claim it took them two weeks to come up with, but I have a feeling this was phoned in over a beef and bean lunch at my expense.

[edit] Heart → Puzzle

STRONG BAD: {Puts the heart in the cavity} It won't go back in!

[edit] Trinket → Puzzle

{Before solving the puzzle}
STRONG BAD: There really isn't anywhere to put it.

[edit] Any other item → Puzzle

{Before solving the puzzle}
STRONG BAD: That isn't going to help me solve this puzzle and open that door!

[edit] Renaldo

[edit] Renaldo → Dadgeresque

Before the monster is defeated
STRONG BAD: I guess my pop couldn't hack it, Renaldo.
COACH Z: Hey, don't go puttin' down your father. This was a tough case! I must be crazy for letting you come down here in the first place!
STRONG BAD: Don't worry, Renaldo. If you can't stand the heat, then get out! {puzzlingly} ... You know, of the aforementioned heaty place.
After the monster is defeated
STRONG BAD: Well, this is where I s— Well, this is where I solved the lost kidnapping case that drove my dad crazy-go-insane!
COACH Z: Yeah, I know. I was here.
STRONG BAD: Yeah, well, here we are again.
COACH Z: ... Yep.
COACH Z: {Uncomforable silence} Can we go now?

[edit] Renaldo → Trinket

STRONG BAD: There's something in that center slot, Renaldo.
COACH Z: Oh yeah, that sounds awfully familiar! I think your father knew what to do with it!
STRONG BAD: If only he could tell me!
COACH Z: {slowly} Maybe in his own way, he has.

STRONG BAD: Seriously, I have no idea what to do with that center slot with the... thingie in it.
COACH Z: Maybe you aren't supposed to pull it out.
STRONG BAD: Yeah, yeah, that's possible. Stupid, but possible.

[edit] Renaldo → Monster

Before the monster is defeated
STRONG BAD: Did you see that thing back there? Giant tentacles and laser-beam eyeballs!
COACH Z: {Wailing} Oh, the humanity! {Normally} I think you can take him.
STRONG BAD: But that thing's twice as tall as me, with teeth like whale harpoons!
COACH Z: I don't wanna hear none of your sass talk! You get back in there and show that bully who's who!
STRONG BAD: I'm who!
COACH Z: That's right! Go get 'em, Dangeresque!
{Strong Bad turns and walks away}
COACH Z: Whew! For a second there I thought he was gonna make ME go!
After the monster is defeated
STRONG BAD: You missed a great battle back there, Renaldo!
COACH Z: It sounded horrible! What happened?
STRONG BAD: First, I ripped his really well-animated tentacles off with my bare hands! Then I did a wire-fu back-flip and landed on his shoulders! And with one mighty swing of my laser chainsaw, I chopped off his head! It was so awesome! That scene's definitely gonna be in the trailer.
COACH Z: Where did you get a laser chainsaw?
STRONG BAD: No time for reasonable questions now, Renaldo. We've got to save Cutesy Buttons!

[edit] Skulls

STRONG BAD: So many groups of disembodied heads have come before me and failed.

In extended play

STRONG BAD: These are the paper mache skulls Marzipan made for Strong Mad's short-lived Country. Normally, I don't encourage Frenchy paper craft, but I'll always make an exception for a pile o' skulls!

[edit] Spider Web

STRONG BAD: This looks like the web of the extremely poisonous Off-Screen Taranchula! I'd better stay on-screen.

In extended play

STRONG BAD: Ah, Halloween store. You may only be open for two months a year, but your tacky decorations can be used every day!

[edit] Trinket

STRONG BAD: {Grabs the trinket} Errgh... come on... almost got it... Eeenngghh! Alllmost... Nnngah! {Lets go} Nope, it's stuck in there.

[edit] Trinket → Trinket

STRONG BAD: {Places the two half-trinkets together.} Whoa, this is so awesome! The trinket is merging with that ancient artifact! It's turning into... into... {Shot of a heart dropping into the cavity}

[edit] Any other item → Trinket

STRONG BAD: {Puts the item in the cavity} Okay, I put it in there, but it didn't really do anything.

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