8-Bit is Enough Responses (Peasantry)

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You ARE Rather Dashing!

Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from Peasantry in 8-Bit Is Enough.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.


A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.


NOTE: During Extended Play, Rather Dashing will take the place of Strong Bad as the player character.

Contents

[edit] Peasantry Forest

[edit] On Arrival

{Strong Bad materializes in sprite until he is back to his old self. He looks around at Peasantry. Off to his side, but unnoticed by him, is the King of Town with an Atari scorpion tail}
STRONG BAD: Check this place out! I'm in a video game! Oh, man, does that mean I can bash stuff with my head to find coins?
{He goes over to a tree and bashes his head on it, only to hurt it}
STRONG BAD: Ow! Guess not.

[edit] In Extended Play

STRONG BAD: {jumps out of the portal, bearing a different appearance than the usual} Whope...
ON-SCREEN TEXT: Welcome to RETRO mode, where you are Rather Dashing!
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Check me out!

[edit] When approaching the lake

HOMESTAR: {pops up, obviously eating something} Hi, Strong Bad. {chewing} Did you find the TrogSword and kill Trogdor yet?
STRONG BAD: No, I didn't. {Homestar holds an apple from Gel-Arshie's Pro Fruitboarder.} I mean, you're still in that window, right... hey, are you eating?
HOMESTAR: Yeah! There's food just lying around all over in here! {chews and crouches down} Bananas, turkey legs, cherries, powerdots... {holds up 2 cherries and a hot dog}
STRONG BAD: I'm gonna ignore that. Now who in here's gonna tell me how to kill Trogdor?
HOMESTAR: I don't know. I never played this game. But... I'm sure there's a cave, or volcano, or lair around here somewhere. There usually is in this kind of game.
{A microwave bell is heard in the background.}
HOMESTAR: That's the ham! Gotta go! {vanishes}

[edit] Box

STRONG BAD: {puzzled} That's weird. {turns to the camera} It's perfectly normal to see cardboard boxes filled with weird things scattered around all over the field back home. But in Peasantry? {looks under the box and finds a pair of pixelated boots} A pair of pixelated elf-boots. I hope I don't have to press right-arrow to start walking, and then press right-arrow again to stop walking when I wear these things.

[edit] Box (Ghost Drop)

STRONG BAD: I wonder what's in that box the ghost wanted me to find? {looks under it} It's the box for "Spirits of '76"! {turns to the camera} A dire message from beyond the grave, or an attempt at cross videogame marketing synergy? Expert opinion is divided.

[edit] Broken Quest Item

{Strong Bad picks it up and finds a Cheat Commandos action figure.}

[edit] Door

STRONG BAD: That must be that scorpion monster's cave. I don't want to know what kind of low-res horrors he keeps locked away in there.

[edit] Mysterious Pixel

STRONG BAD: {takes it} Ah ha! I got the... ummmmm... whatever this is supposed to be! {stores it}

[edit] Pebbles

STRONG BAD: What the CGA are these things? {picks them up} I'm gonna guess... pebbles. Or chicken feed. Ball bearings? {stores it}

[edit] Rather Dashing

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Hey, it's Rather Dashing, star of Peasant's Quest! Looking blocky and pixely as ever, Rath. Say, I always wanted to ask: what's up with the short pants?
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed like in the actual game} These things are incredibly comfortable! I'd like to see you GET ROCK or THROW BABY while wearing long pants.
STRONG BAD: Fair enough. Hey, I need your help.

STRONG BAD: Hey, Pixel Man!
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed} My name and physical appearance are Rather Dashing!

[edit] Rather Dashing → Trogdor

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: I need you to help me find some kinda special sword and kill Trogdor so I can keep Homestar from popping up in my face all the time.
HOMESTAR: {pops up in front of Strong Bad's face, causing him to try and wave him off screen} Congratulations! You won a free MP3 player! Click here for low, low rates. {vanishes}
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed} Trogdor?! I'm not going anywhere near that dragon! Hasn't anyone told you? He's indestructible! Not even the mighty TrogSword can smite him!
STRONG BAD: That's not what I heard. You must be doing it wrong.
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed} I suppose it's possible that I was simply smiting him in the wrong spot. Tales have been told about weak spots in the beast's scaly armor, but I've never seen any!

STRONG BAD: {curiously} So, Trogdor has weak spots, eh?
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed} If he does indeed have weak spots, they are hidden well! In all of my attempts I have never so much as scratched a consummate V!

[edit] Rather Dashing → TrogSword

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Where can a peasant brother lay his hands on a TrogSword? I got Trogdors to smite!
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed} Well, normally it's on display at the Inn, right here in Peasantry. But recently a strange burst of energy swept the sword away to a foreign land of floating platforms and slightly higher resolutions! Soon after, another stranger looking quite a bit like yourself, visited Peasantry asking each of us for a challenge!
STRONG BAD: Wait... no! Stinkoman?! My favorite Japanese cartoon video game version of me? I love that guy!
RATHER DASHING: He desired a challenge, so I sent him on a quest to retrieve our sword back from whatever strange realm it ended up in! I assume he's still there, for he has not yet returned.

STRONG BAD: Before, when you were talking... I wasn't paying attention. What did you say happened to the TrogSword?
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed} The one you call Stinkoman is attempting to reclaim it from a magical world where platforms mysteriously hang in the air, and extra men are extremely hard to come by!
STRONG BAD: Platforms, eh? {in his Dangeresque voice} Looks like I'm gonna have to... {speaks quickly} ...find a way into the Stinkoman game and get the TrogSword before he does!

[edit] Rather Dashing → Rather Dashing

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Hey, why don't you come with me to kill Trogdor? I could use someone as kindling- I mean, a distraction while I slay the beast!
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed} Sorry, but I'm no longer in the Dragon Slaying business. Getting "burninated" over and over again is not a very rewarding career path. And it hurts. Real bad! So I've shifted my focus to princess saving!
STRONG BAD: Yeah? How's that going for you?
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed} Honestly, business has been a bit... slow. I've yet to meet a single damsel in distress.

STRONG BAD: Come on. Help me kill Trogdor! It'll be fun!
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed} I think not! No more attempts at dragon slaying for me. In THIS game, I am dedicated to the rescuing of princesses only!
STRONG BAD: Princesses? Look around, man. Nothing but pixelly peasants in this place.
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed} My time will come! I'll wait patiently until then.

[edit] Rather Dashing → Strong Sad

STRONG BAD: Hey, I think I've found a "princess" for you! She's right out in front of the path to Trogdor's lair!
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed} Oh, yes... "her". She's one I can't exactly sweep off her feet, eh? Heh. Fortunately she doesn't appear to be in any sort of peril... thank goodness.
STRONG BAD: Come on, obviously she needs saving from the all-ye-can-eat buffet!
RATHER DASHING: I think it may be the other way round, good sir!
STRONG BAD: Touché.

STRONG BAD: Come on, Rather Chicken. She's a princess, you've got to save her. It's in the contract!
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed} I suppose if she were in any danger, I'd be obligated. But with Trogdor gone and no other monsters in that area, I think she's perfectly safe!

{While the King of Town is attacking Strong Sad}
STRONG BAD: Guess what, your moment of destiny has arrived! The Munchox is attacking the princess!
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed, excited} A princess?! {realizes whom} Oh, right, "her". Are you sure?
STRONG BAD: Positive, man! Now get your short pants over there and rescue her!
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed, reluctantly} Well... I... that is my duty... I suppose I should be off then... to rescue the "princess"... very well, take me there... {sighs and disappears}
ON-SCREEN TEXT: RATHER DASHING has joined your party!

[edit] Scorpion Monster

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: {confused} The King of Town? How'd he end up in peasantry?
THE KING OF TOWN: Roar! Growl!
HOMESTAR: {pops up} That's no King of Town! That's the dreaded... Munchox the Devourer {due to Homestar's rhotacism, this is pronounced as De-vow-wuh-uh}!
STRONG BAD: {frightened} Ahh! It's too terrible!
HOMESTAR: Well come on, he's not THAT scary.
STRONG BAD {annoyed} Not him. You trying to pronounce "Devourer".
{Homestar vanishes.}

STRONG BAD: I never in a million years thought I'd say this but... that's a pretty cool tail you got there, King of Town!
THE KING OF TOWN: Roar! Growl!

{When coming too close to him}
THE KING OF TOWN: Roar! Growl! {charges towards Strong Bad}
STRONG BAD: Oh crap.
{The King of Town knocks Strong Bad off-screen with his tail. He appears underneath a text box that reads "What did you expect that giant scorpion monster to do? You dead. Thanks for playing." On the contrary to the statement, Strong Bad stands back up.}
STRONG BAD: Good thing I always ignore the text in these games. Otherwise that box might discourage me!

{If Strong Bad approaches him with the scorpion food in his inventory}
{The King of Town sniffs around for the food and follows Strong Bad.}
STRONG BAD: Uh oh. The scorpion bait! Oh... crap.
{The King of Town knocks him away. Strong Bad is once again under the text box saying "What did you expect that giant scorpion monster to do? You dead. Thanks for playing." He stands up on both feet and scowls at it.}
STRONG BAD: Shut up! I not dead! {the text box vanishes} Good thing I always ignore the text in these games. Otherwise that box might discourage me!

[edit] Quest Thingie → Scorpion Monster

STRONG BAD: Hey, King of Munchox, or whatever. What is this thing anyway, and why are you a-hoarding it?
THE KING OF TOWN: Roar! Treasure! {knocks the pixel out of Strong Bad's hand, causing it to crash onto the floor not far from the tree closest to Rather Dashing}

[edit] Peasantry Inn

[edit] Inn

STRONG BAD: I think that inn might get more business if it had a functioning door. Nothing worth seeing in there anyway.

[edit] Path to Trogdor

STRONG SAD: None shall pass!
STRONG BAD: Cut it out, Lord Dumpish. I gots a dragon to de-res.
STRONG SAD: I can't let you do that, Strong Bad! Flaming grasp!
{Strong Sad summons a blue fireball that travels slowly towards Strong Bad before disappearing on contact with his face.}
STRONG BAD: Hey, quit it!

STRONG SAD: None shall pass!
{Strong Sad summons another fireball. Again, it disappears not long after touching Strong Bad's face.}

While the King of Town is attacking Strong Sad

STRONG BAD: As much fun as this is to watch, I better do something about the Princess in distress before I go anywhere.

if Strong Bad doesn't have the Trog-Sword

STRONG BAD: Finally! Geez, killing Trogdor is turning out to be more work than I expected.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {appears} Hey, Strong Bad. Whatcha doing?
STRONG BAD: Not now, Homestar! I'm working my way to Trogdor's lair so I can kill him and finally get you out of my head!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, yeah? What're you gonna kill him with? A light musket?
STRONG BAD: No, I'm going to use the Trog-Sw— Oh. I still need to get the Trog-Sword.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, take your time. I'm thinking of starting up a paper route to make some extra moolah while I'm waiting in here.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {appears} Strong Bad! You forgot your toothbrush again!
STRONG BAD: My what? You mean the Trog-Sword?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's what I said. Trog-Sword. {disappears}

After Rather Dashing leaves the party

{Strong Bad starts walking up it, when a peasant walks past, getting chased by Trogdor.}
PEASANT 1: {text displayed} Ahhhhhh!!!! He'll burn us all!
PEASANT 2: {text displayed} There he is! The one with the TrogSword! {Strong Bad turns around to see the rest of the peasants near the inn.} Join him! He'll protect us!
STRONG BAD: {shakes his head} No I won't!
{The Peasants jump towards him and vanish as they come closer.}
STRONG BAD: {struggles} No! Hey, get off! Quit that!
ON-SCREEN TEXT: PEASANTS have joined your party!
STRONG BAD: {bitterly} OK, fine, you guys can come with me... {walks up the path} but don't touch any of my stuff!
{From behind Strong Bad, the Limozeen Space Machine shows up.}
LARRY PALARONCINI: {voiceover} Well all right!
{The bus goes up the path and follows Strong Bad. The player is automatically taken to Trogdor's Lair.}

[edit] Peasants

STRONG BAD: Hey, I'm trying to find- {The peasants don't stop aimlessly running around.} Excuse me, I- {No response.} HEY YOU! Trogdor slayer, looking for help...
PEASANTS: {text displayed} AaaAAAAHHHHhhhhhh!!!!

STRONG BAD: I'll give you a dollar if you stop for a second! Nothing? Your loss, man.
PEASANTS: {text displayed} Heeeellllpp!! AaaAAAAHHHHhhhhhh!!!!

STRONG BAD: {bitterly} Forget it, man. Those guys are stuck up. They think they're sooo cool with their burninating heads...

[edit] Strong Sad

At intervals when at the scene

STRONG SAD: Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

STRONG SAD: Hark, who goes there? Oh, it's you.

STRONG SAD: You shall not pass!

While the King of Town is attacking him

STRONG SAD: Help me!

STRONG BAD: Get this thing away from me!

STRONG SAD: Help!

STRONG SAD: Somebody help!

When choosing to speak with him, first time only

STRONG SAD: Hark, who goes there? Leave this place now, lest I, the evil wizard, Sluushfuund, be forced to cast an evil spell on you.
STRONG BAD: {amused} Uh-huh, I think they mixed up your order at the costume palace, Prom Queen! They must've made a mistake.
STRONG SAD: It's fate! I was sitting in my room alone—
STRONG BAD: {interrupts} As always...
STRONG SAD: —when a blinding flash of light knocked me off my feet! I woke up here in the land of Peasantry, obviously dressed as a powerful, evil wizard!
When trying to speak with him while the King of Town is attacking
STRONG BAD: I'm not going over there! It's a lot more fun to watch from right here!

[edit] Strong Sad → Strong Sad

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: So who, exactly, do you think you are?
STRONG SAD: As I told you, puny knight, I am the evil wizard, Sluushfuund!
STRONG BAD: {trying hard not to laugh} Yes, of course. Evil... {chortles} ...wizard!
STRONG SAD: {unamused} What?
STRONG BAD: {amused} Uh... hate to break it to you, Sloshfiend, but you're clearly a princess!
STRONG SAD: {bossily} No I'm not! I'm an evil wizard! Just look at my wizard hat!
STRONG BAD: Oh, your evil wizard hat? You mean the one that is... {speaks in a mixed gruff and amused tone} ...pink, and sparkly?
STRONG SAD: I don't care what you say. I'm an evil wizard! It's my job to guard this lair and give out quests.
[edit] Strong Sad → Strong Sad → Angel
{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Okay, wizard, let's see some magic!
STRONG SAD: {bossily} I'll not waste my powers entertaining you!
STRONG BAD: That's what I thought. I'll just be schooching on past you now...
STRONG SAD: Oh yeah? {raises both arms in the air} MAGIC MISSILE!
{Strong Sad summons a blue fireball and fires it slowly towards Strong Bad's face. As soon as it makes contact, it blinks and disappears.}
STRONG BAD: Whoa, it's warm! Feels like I've been hit with, like, a microwaved breakfast sausage or something!

STRONG BAD: Do the magic thing again.
STRONG SAD: {sighs and raises his arms in the air} Fine.
{The blue fireball appears again. Like before, it makes contact with Strong Bad's face, only to blink and disappear.}
STRONG BAD: Ahh, toasty and nutritious!
[edit] Strong Sad → Strong Sad → Devil
STRONG BAD: So, evil wizard Smushfriend, come to terms with your feminine side yet?
STRONG SAD: {annoyed} That's "Sluushfuund"! And I'm a wizard, not a princess!
STRONG BAD: That's not what the town folk say.
STRONG SAD: What townfolk?
STRONG BAD: Like, everybody, man! I mean, it's pretty obvious.
STRONG SAD: Well, if anybody tries to get past me into Trogdor's lair, they'll find out what a powerful wizard I really am!

STRONG BAD: Princess.
STRONG SAD: Wizard!

STRONG BAD: {raises his left arm} Princess!
STRONG SAD: Wiz—
HOMESTAR: {pops up in front of Strong Sad's mouth} Princess! {vanishes}
STRONG BAD: {annoyed} I got this.

[edit] Strong Sad → Trogdor

STRONG BAD: Step aside, little... uhh... sister, Strong Bad's got a Trogdor to smite!
STRONG SAD: No way!
STRONG BAD: {bitterly} What?!
STRONG SAD: I am evil wizard Sluushfuund, Bouncer of Trogdor's lair. And you're not on Ye Guest List.

STRONG BAD: {impatiently} Seriously, let me into Trogdor's lair!
STRONG SAD: I will guard this lair until my second or third to last breath!
HOMESTAR: {pops up} Hey Strong Bad, I found a screw in here. Do you know what it's for? {His window swings so that only the top left corner is supporting its grip on the screen.} Uh oh. Uh, don't worry SB. I'll get that fixed right up! {His window drops down and off-screen with a thud.}
STRONG BAD: {determined} I REALLY gotta get in there!
STRONG SAD: Well, you'll have to get past me first!

[edit] Strong Sad → Quests

STRONG BAD: OK, Princess Questgiver, hit me with your best quest!
STRONG SAD: Very well. You must venture deep into the forbidden forest and retrieve thy Amulet of Ancient Summoning... {summons an image of a quest cube} ...from the ravenous Munchox! {The cube vanishes.}
STRONG BAD: And what do I get in return?
STRONG SAD: First, bring me the item, then we'll talk about your reward!

STRONG BAD: Hey, what was that stupid thing you wanted me to get?
STRONG SAD: {sighs} Behold, the quest item! {summons the quest cube image again}
STRONG BAD: Oh yeah. That thing.

[edit] Quest Thingie → Strong Sad

STRONG BAD: OK, Princess Salad Fork—
STRONG SAD: {interrupts} That doesn't even sound anything like "Sluushfuund".
STRONG BAD: {withdraws the quest item} I got that quest item that I don't actually remember what it's called. Now, let's talk reward!
STRONG SAD: {puzzled} Umm, are you sure this is the Quest Item?
STRONG BAD: Of course! It looks just like the thing you showed me!
STRONG SAD: Hmmm... I guess you're right. {holds the item up high} Behold, the quest item is recovered! {puts the item away} Thank you, brave adventurer! You've done such a fantastic job that I shall reward you with another quest!
STRONG BAD: {irritated} Are you serious?!
STRONG SAD: Return to the realm of the Munchox and bring forth to me... {another quest cube is summoned} ...the Sigil of Dark Dampening!
STRONG BAD: {annoyed} This better be worth it, Lady Dumpsalot!

STRONG BAD: Here.
STRONG SAD: Well done, brave sir!
STRONG BAD: Now let's say you give me a real reward this time?
STRONG SAD: But of course! Your reward this time is another quest! The Quest... for the Shimmering Trinket of Endless Bargain-hunting!
STRONG BAD: You don't actually have a reward, do you?
STRONG SAD: Experience is so much more valuable than mere loot!
STRONG BAD: Really? Wow! I'm so lucky to have the opportunity to get useless crap for you over and over!

STRONG BAD: Yeah, here's your thing.
STRONG SAD: Well done, brave sir! Now for your next quest! Behold! The Thing of Exquisite Thingness! The Munchox stole it.

[edit] Rather Dashing → Strong Sad

RATHER DASHING: {text displayed} Never fear, oh fair... ahem... maiden! I am here to save you!
STRONG SAD: {confused} I'm not a princess, I'm an evil wizard!
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed, relieved} Oh! Really? If you're a wizard, then I don't need to save you!
THE KING OF TOWN!: Roar! Roar!
STRONG SAD: {desperately} No, wait! I'm a dual class wizard princess! See my pretty princess hat? Please help me!
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed} Well, if a princess you are, then save you I will! Stand back! {walks towards the King of Town, but stops after 2 paces} Wait, is that scorpion bait you have?
STRONG SAD: {panicked} Yes! What should I do?
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed, angrily} Get rid of it, stupid... err... fair maiden!
{Strong Bad throws the scorpion food onto the floor.}
THE KING OF TOWN: {eats it and takes off} Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom...
STRONG SAD: Wow, saved by a real-life adventurer! I suppose you want me to be in your party now!
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed} Well, actually, I was just going to—
STRONG SAD: {interrupts} And I can be your spellcaster! And we can explore the evil saltmarshes... and kill orcs... and rats...
RATHER DASHING: {text displayed, uncomfortably} Actually, I was just going to stand around in the forest some more...
STRONG SAD: Nonsense! I can see it now... I can add Bard talents and chronicle our adventures! I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!
{Strong Sad and Rather Dashing walk away together.}
STRONG BAD: {amused} Ouch! Poor guy would've done better against Trogdor.

[edit] Scorpion Food → Strong Sad

STRONG BAD: {gets out the food} Okay, here's that quest thing you sent me out for.
STRONG SAD: {puzzled} Umm, are you sure this is the Quest Item?
STRONG BAD: Of course! It looks just like the thing you showed me!
STRONG SAD: Hmmm... I guess you're right. {holds the item up high} Behold, the quest item is recovered!
STRONG BAD: {walks away, excited} Oh man, this is gonna be good!
{Suddenly, the King of Town/Scorpion Monster appears and attacks Strong Sad.}
STRONG SAD: Ahhhh! Help! Strong Bad, did you give me scorpion food?!
STRONG BAD: Ah, maybe. Who remembers anymore?

[edit] Thy Innkeeper

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Hi, decrepit old person.
INNKEEPER: {text displayed} Hello youngster. What can I do for you?

[edit] Thy Innkeeper → Ye Flask

STRONG BAD: What's with that ye flask over there?
INNKEEPER: {text displayed} You probably WISH you could get that.
STRONG BAD: Well yeah, I do, now...
INNKEEPER: {text displayed} What do you need ye flask for, anyway?
STRONG BAD: I don't know! Isn't that what you're supposed to do, just pick up all the crap that's lying around hoping it'll be useful for some stupid thing later?
INNKEEPER: {text displayed} Uhh... you can't get ye flask.
STRONG BAD: OK, fine. I'm just saying, don't leave ye flasks just lying around in plain view if you don't want people trying to pick 'em up. Not cool.

[edit] Thy Innkeeper → Inn

STRONG BAD: This place is awesome! If I ever open up a bed, breakfast and biker bar, it'll look just like this one!
INNKEEPER: {text displayed} Oh, I wouldn't recommend it. The Inn itself doth make little money. That's why I have had to open a Carriage Tow and Repair Service as well. Should you need a carriage repaired, just come see me!

STRONG BAD: How's business?
INNKEEPER: {text displayed} Could be better, youngster. I'm hoping the repair shop helps bring in some extra cash. My Inn patrons keep running out without paying their bill.

[edit] Thy Innkeeper → Trogdor

STRONG BAD: Say, you seen a dragon around here? Big beefy arm, scales and teeth that look like consummate Vs?
INNKEEPER: {text displayed} You mean Trogdor? I haven't seen the beast since the mysterious rumblings in the sky roused the dragon from his lair.
STRONG BAD: That's cool, I'll find 'em and hack 'em to bits somewhere else then.
INNKEEPER: {text displayed} I'm afraid that's not possible. Trogdor's only vulnerable when he's in his lair! Your best bet is to wait there for him to return, but alas the lair is being guarded by an evil princess!
STRONG BAD: You don't hear too much about evil princesses, do you? It's all evil queens, wicked stepmothers, and hot witches, mostly.

STRONG BAD: Where did you say I need to be to kill Trogdor?
INNKEEPER: {text displayed} If you can manage to get past the evil princess, bring the TrogSword to the lair of the beast and defeat him there. It's the only way.

[edit] Thy Innkeeper → TrogSword

STRONG BAD: These games always have some kinda weapon you need to kill the dragon. You seen anything like that, old man?
INNKEEPER: {text displayed} I used to have the legendary Trog-Sword on display to honor the many lives of Rather Dashing lost to Trogdor, but it was swept away during the recent rumblings in the sky!

STRONG BAD: So where's that "TrogSword" now?
INNKEEPER: {text displayed} I can't say for sure, but another feller came through here not long ago looking for it for some type of "challenge". I think he may have been one of those foreigners, what with his spiky blue hair, and fancy jumping boots!

[edit] Thy Innkeeper → Limozeen Space Machine

STRONG BAD: Hey, I got a job for ya!
INNKEEPER: {text displayed} Huzzah! So where is this carriage?
STRONG BAD: Uh, it's pretty far away from here.
INNKEEPER: {text displayed} As far as the Peasantry woods?
STRONG BAD: You better just come with me.
{The Innkeeper vanishes.}
ON-SCREEN TEXT: THE INKEEPER has joined your party!

[edit] Ye Flask

STRONG BAD: {reaches for the flask} Eeennngrrhh... eegnhhrrhh... {gives up} I can't get ye flask!

[edit] Ye Medkit

STRONG BAD: Cool, an all-purpose medkit! {takes it and faces the camera} With this I can cure the sick and heal the lame! Maybe even the ultra lame like Strong Sad!

[edit] Ye Olde Boxxe

STRONG BAD: {looks under the box} It's a Good Graphicketeer collector's card. {reads it} "Anti-Social Angus." {thinks aloud} I guess that's funny. Almost. Maybe? {shakes his head} No, not at all?

[edit] Ye Olde Crate

STRONG BAD: "Ye olde crate?" There aren't supposed to be crates in Peasantry! Must be a memory leak or something.

[edit] Boxer Joe → Ye Olde Crate

{If the snakes are on the crate}
STRONG BAD: SMASH CRATE. What do you want to smash the crate with? A: SNAKE BOXER.
{Snake Boxer appears and breaks the crate open, revealing ye medkit.}

[edit] Snakes → Ye Olde Crate

STRONG BAD: Level 4 spell of snake summoning! {puts the snakes on the crate} Huzzah!

[edit] Ye Snakes

STRONG BAD: Come, my snakes, back into the safety of my pants. {puts the snakes away and squirms a little}

[edit] Trogdor's Lair

[edit] Hallways

[edit] On Arrival

STRONG BAD: {arrives through a door} Where'd he go? {trying to lure him like a puppy} Here Trogdor, come here boy! I just got a cool sword I wanted to show you. {No response.} Crap, he got away. If those screaming peasants were right, his lair's underneath the castle. I'll have to make my way through these seemingly endless hallways to get down to the dungeon and take him out on his home turf!
HOMESTAR: {pops up, causing Strong Bad to stagger back} Strong Bad, do you read me? According to my intel, Trogdor is at the end of these seemingly endless hallways...
STRONG BAD: {unamused} Homestar, what are you doing?
HOMESTAR: Just delivering your mission objectives!
STRONG BAD: I already did that just fine without your "help".
HOMESTAR: Oh, oh I SEE. Well, can you do... THIS?
{The camera perspective suddenly changes to the scene from Strong Bad's point of view, complete with an interface typical of what one would expect in a first person shooter.}
STRONG BAD: {frustrated} Hey, cut it out! What did you do to my camera?
HOMESTAR: Man up, soldier! Your Free Country is depending on you! The Paper, give him the run down. {vanishes}
{The Paper appears with the on-screen instructions for this portion of the game.}

[edit] Door

{Strong Bad opens the door and goes into the next room.}

[edit] Equation

{When approaching one}
STRONG BAD: One of Trogdor's minions! A fiendishly difficult polynomial equation.
[edit] Algebros → Equation
STRONG BAD: Factor this!
{The Algebros defeat the equation. A secret passage is activated.}

[edit] Flash Bulbs

STRONG BAD: Flash bulbs! Perfect ammo for my Light Musket.

[edit] Interval

STRONG BAD: Man, how big IS this castle?

STRONG BAD: They really should break this place up with a potted plant or something.

[edit] Medkit

STRONG BAD: {picks it up, his health getting restored} Ahh, that's more like it! Hooray for socialized medicine!

[edit] Nebulon

{When approaching it}
STRONG BAD: It's Nebulon! Limozeen's second greatest nemesis next to alternative rock!
[edit] Limozeen's Bus → Nebulon
STRONG BAD: Quake in fear at the power of METAL!
{The bus appears and defeats Nebulon.}
LARRY PALARONCINI: {rolling his Rs} R-R-R-ROCK ON!
{A secret passage is activated.}

[edit] Secret Passage

STRONG BAD: A secret passage! {goes through the door} This'll get me to Trogdor twice as fast! Since this castle's, like, a jillion miles long, apparently.

STRONG BAD: Another secret passage! {goes through the door}

[edit] Space Clown

{When approaching one}
STRONG BAD: Oh, so you're going to play dirty, Trogdor? Sending one of your Space Circus Catastrophe clowns at me? Well, two can play at that game!
[edit] Space Circus Bear → Space Clown
STRONG BAD: Performing Bear! I choose you! Sic 'em!
{The bear appears and defeats the clown.}
STRONG BAD: Be free, performing bear! {sniffs, trying his hardest not to cry} ...raised him from a cub... I'm not gonna cry...
{A secret passage is activated.}

[edit] The King of Town

{When approaching him}
THE KING OF TOWN: {appears from the door at the other side of the room, holding 2 machine guns} Mein streudel!
[edit] Light Musket → The King of Town
STRONG BAD: {fires the gun, causing the King of Town to flinch.} Take that!

STRONG BAD: {fires the gun and hits the King} One shot, one kill.

{Strong Bad fires the gun at the King for one last time.}
THE KING OF TOWN: Der Poopsmith... auf wiedersehen! {disappears}
{The player is taken directly to the Final Battle.}

[edit] Trogdor

{When approaching}
STRONG BAD: So, at last we...
{Trogdor sends a fireball across the room.}
STRONG BAD: Hey, no fair! You're supposed to wait for my speech to end before you go starting any boss fights!
[edit] Fists → Trogdor
STRONG BAD: Uh... yeah. No way am I gonna beat Trogdor without a weapon.
[edit] TrogSword → Trogdor
{Strong Bad slashes Trogdor with it, causing him to dodge, roar and retreat into the next room.}

[edit] Weapons → Fists

STRONG BAD: All right, let's do this mano-a-beefy-armo!
[edit] Fists → Any minion
STRONG BAD: Meet Hammerfist!

STRONG BAD: Get a mouthful of Thunderbolt!

{Strong Bad punches without saying anything.}

[edit] Weapons → Light Musket

{Strong Bad withdraws the Musket without saying anything.}
When out of ammo
STRONG BAD: {reverts to his fists} No more flash bulbs! Looks like I'm-a gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way.
[edit] Light Musket → Any minion
STRONG BAD: Eat lead! Or... tungsten, or whatever they put in these things.

[edit] Weapons → TrogSword

{Strong Bad withdraws the TrogSword without saying anything.}
[edit] TrogSword → Any minion
{Strong Bad attacks without saying anything.}

[edit] When taking damage

STRONG BAD: Arghh!

If Strong Bad is hit by a fireball
STRONG BAD: Arrgh, stupid dragon!

STRONG BAD: Aaargh!
HOMESTAR: {pops up} You gotta zig when that fireball says zag! Now walk it off! {vanishes}

[edit] When reduced to 1 health point

STRONG BAD: Ow, that stung! Good thing I turned on the "god mode" cheat before I came in here...

[edit] The Final Battle

[edit] On Arrival

STRONG BAD: {opens the door and looks inside} Finally, I've reached... {steps inside fully, unamused} ...another room that looks just like all the other rooms. {turns to the camera} Could've at least added a torch or something...
{Suddenly, another voice is heard in the room. He turns in its direction, finding himself eye-to-eye with... Trogdor!)
TROGDOR: {speaking in the same synthetic speech as he did in Peasant's Quest, text displayed} You can't defeat me, mortal! Everybody know... Trogdor can't be killed.
STRONG BAD: Trogdor! The fruit of my skills of an artist! And now it comes down to this... the epic battle! The Final Confronscation! The Last Cutscene!
TROGDOR: {text displayed} Bring it.

[edit] Trogdor

STRONG BAD: {bitterly} You've burninated your last peasant, Trog-dork!
[edit] TrogSword → Trogdor
{Trogdor roars loudly at Strong Bad as he holds the sword up in front of his face, then leaps into the air, somersaulting and slashing the sword across the dragon's body.}
TROGDOR: {text displayed} No! Your style! I couldn't handle it! {roars and vanishes}
STRONG BAD: {puts the sword away and turns to the camera} Well, that was a little... {disappointed} ...anti-climactic.
{The floor begins to shake and the walls start to sink into the ground as the dungeon begins to collapse. Strong Bad squeezes his eyes shut and silently prays in desperation as debris falls all around him. When he finally opens his eyes, he discovers to his surprise that he has somehow ended up in a different dungeon with textured stones. The sound of chains causes him to turn around and find Homestar chained to the wall by his "arms".}
HOMESTAR: Hooray! You came to rescue me! {looks at Strong Bad, surprised} Whoa, have you been working out? How much do you bench?
STRONG BAD: What are you... {glances down and finds that he has transformed into a 3D model of his original concept drawing} Whoa, I don't believe it! They finally listened to me!
HOMESTAR: {impressed} You look pretty ripped!
STRONG BAD: {runs towards Homestar} And mip-mapped! Check out all these polygons! And this blade! I... {A familiar S-shaped creature rises from behind him as he talks.} I'm the best graphics ever made!
HOMESTAR: {afraid} Uh... Strong Bad?
STRONG BAD: I'm kinda having a moment, Homestar. Don't interrupt... {looks up, seeing... a scaly, beefy-armed, superbly-rendered Trogdor} Oh.
{Trogdor roars at Strong Bad, causing him to back away several paces. The dragon jumps into the middle of the room with a thud and spews fire ahead of him. Four pedestals emerge from the floor. Once the layout is set, Strong Bad jumps straight in front of Trogdor - now with a health bar in the HUD - ready to fight.}

[edit] Door

STRONG BAD: That's the only way out, but it's locked!
[edit] Key → Door
STRONG BAD: {uses the key to open the door} Finally!
HOMESTAR: And just in time, too! This cave was going to collapse at any moment!
STRONG BAD: We better get out of here! Me first! {leaves}
HOMESTAR: Hang on, I gotta save my game... {struggles, pulling a face} Nngggh... there! {follows Strong Bad to the door}
{The screen fades to white. Cut to the Game Epilogue at The Field.}

[edit] Homestar

STRONG BAD: Homestar, you've been here for hours. Seen any secret levers or anything?
HOMESTAR: Naw, man. It's been pretty chill. {pause} Ohh, wait. There WAS this old hooded guy who came in talking about some "ancient Bloodstone" that was the only way to light up the secret weak spots all over Trogdor's body. I told him we didn't need that old thing.
STRONG BAD: {annoyed} Fantastic. When somebody offers you an ancient dragon-killing relic, you TAKE IT. Now where am I gonna find a "bloodstone"?

STRONG BAD: This game cheats. Trogdor really IS indestructable!
HOMESTAR: Oh, come on. What do you need, a strategy guide? Every dragon's got weak spots. It's in the rules. You just gotta find that Bloodstone thing to be able to see 'em.

{After defeating Ultimate Trogdor}
STRONG BAD: I totally killed Trogdor! Did you see that?
HOMESTAR: {sarcastically} Yeah, that's great. Um, how are we going to get out of this cave before it collapses and kills us both?

[edit] Pedestal

STRONG BAD: Those pedestals are for offerings to the mighty Trogdor.
[edit] Gel-Arshie → Pedestal
Note that Gel-Arshie → Ultimate Trogdor!!! has the same effect.
STRONG BAD: After you've tasted my blade as the main course, for dessert, how about a little... RED-FLAVORED FLUFFY PUFF TRANSLUCENT DESSERT-RELATED SUBSTANCE?
{Gel-Arshie appears. Trogdor tries to breathe fire on him, but he doesn't take any damage.}
GEL-ARSHIE: {giggles} Silly dragon! I'm inflaaammable...!
{Gel-Arshie glows and causes the entire room to turn red. Four weak spots are revealed on Trogdor's body not long after the glow fades out.}
[edit] Peasants → Pedestal
{One of the peasants appears on the designated pedestal.}
STRONG BAD: Trogdor, look! Defenseless peasant!
{Trogdor turns around and sets it on fire.}

{Another peasant gets placed onto the designated pedestal. Trogdor turns around and sets it on fire.}

[edit] Ultimate Trogdor!!!

STRONG BAD: How can I possibly kill a creature with so much majesty and so many... repeated textures? {tries to slash him with the TrogSword, but it rebounds without making a scratch} Uhhh... {uncomfortably} Uh oh. I'm screwed.

STRONG BAD: Man, SO hi-res!
{Trogdor roars as Strong Bad tries to hit him again. And like before, it didn't damage him.}
STRONG BAD: {frustrated} Useless!
[edit] Peasants → Ultimate Trogdor!!!
{A peasant spawns in front of Trogdor.}
STRONG BAD: Run! Save yourself!
{The peasant starts walking off, but Trogdor set its head on fire, causing it to run away.}
STRONG BAD: {amused} Heh he he he he!

[edit] Weak Spots

STRONG BAD: {at the designated weak spot, first time only} That glowing red spot must be one of Trogdor's weak points.
{Continue to the corresponding response below.}
[edit] Chest
{Strong Bad runs and hits the weak spot, causing it to disappear. Trogdor roars in retaliation.}
STRONG BAD: A ha! But I'll never be able to reach the rest of the weak spots unless I get Trogdor to turn around...
[edit] Back
STRONG BAD: Eat it, Troggie! {hits the weak spot, causing it to disappear}
[edit] Beefy Arm
STRONG BAD: Take that! {hits the weak spot, causing it to disappear}
[edit] Head
STRONG BAD: {hits the weak spot} Take that!
[edit] After all weak spots have been hit
TROGDOR: {without text box} No! Your style! I couldn't handle it!
{Trogdor explodes in a small burst of flames. The Peasant's Quest theme is heard as Strong Bad jumps up and down in victory, and Homestar - now freed from the chains - walks towards him.}
HOMESTAR: Yaaay! You win! {imitates fireworks} Ptoo! Ptoo!
{Suddenly, the ground starts to shake... again.}
STRONG BAD: Awww, man. Now what?
HOMESTAR: Must've been a load-bearing dragon.
STRONG BAD: This videogame reality is caving in all around us and fast! We'd better find a fast way out of here! And fast!
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