8-Bit is Enough Responses (Halfathlon)

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"If they only had more pixels, you could see the venom dripping from their tiny pinchers."

Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from Halfathlon in 8-Bit Is Enough.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.


A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.


Contents

[edit] Halfathlon

[edit] On arrival

{Strong Bad arrives through the portal, transforming from the Secret Collect sprite to his normal self. Coach Z is next to the locker room door, being attacked by a mob of 8-bit scorpions. A life bar is seen above his head.}
STRONG BAD: Hey, Coach Z!
COACH Z: {panicked} Strong Bad! Get the-
{His life bar reaches zero, and he collapses. A "Continue" prompt appears above him.}
STRONG BAD: Man, that looked like it hurt! I gotta do that again.

[edit] Box

{Strong Bad finds a Cheat Commandos action figure inside the box.}

[edit] Checkpoint

{If the Checkpoint is next to the lava pit}
STRONG BAD: Hey, what's this do? {touches the Checkpoint}
{A box labelled "CHECKPOINT!! YOU ARE CARRYING:" and the player's current inventory, not including the party, is shown on screen.}
STRONG BAD: {puzzled} Checkpoint?
{A vine appears above the lava pit.}

STRONG BAD: Sure wish I had one of those last week when The Cheat dared me to drink all that drain cleaner. {touches the Checkpoint, causing the Checkpoint box to appear} Keep on checkin' my points, checkpoint.

{If the Checkpoint is next to the ice floe}
STRONG BAD: {touches the Checkpoint, causing the Checkpoint box to appear} Keep on checkin' my points, checkpoint.

{If the Checkpoint is next to the ice floe and Strong Bad has the scorpion food}
STRONG BAD: {hostilely} Okay, NOW can you maybe remember what I'm holding? {touches the Checkpoint, causing the Checkpoint box to appear} You want to die right, you gotta do everything yourself...

[edit] Putchnya Shotski → Checkpoint

{If the Checkpoint is next to the lava pit}
STRONG BAD: {gets out Strong Mad while speaking in a fake Russian accent} Okay, Comrade, let's see vhat you can do...
STRONG MAD: {puzzled} SHOT PUT?
STRONG BAD: Hey, it's round, isn't it? Now get putin'!
STRONG MAD: {picks up the checkpoint} PUT SHOT SHOT PUT! {throws it across to the other side of the obstacle course} ZHIVAGO! {disappears}

{Strong Bad gets out Strong Mad.}
STRONG MAD: {picks up the checkpoint} PUT SHOT SHOT PUT! {throws it across to the other side of the obstacle course} BREZNEV! {disappears}

{If the Checkpoint is next to the ice floe}
{Strong Bad gets out Strong Mad.}
STRONG MAD: {picks up the checkpoint} PUT SHOT SHOT PUT! {throws it across to the other side of the obstacle course} LYSENKO! {disappears}

[edit] Coach Z

{First time only}
{Coach Z revives, as his life bar refills a little. The scorpions continue to attack him.}
STRONG BAD: As I was saying-
COACH Z: {interrupts} Strong Bad! Don't let-
{The scorpions cause him to faint again. The "Continue" prompt reappears.}
STRONG BAD: Hmm. That looked painful.

{Coach Z revives, as his life bar refills as before. The scorpions continue to attack him.}
COACH Z: Why do you keep-
{The scorpions defeat Coach Z... again.}
COACH Z: Ohhhh... {faints}
{The "Continue" prompt reforms.}
STRONG BAD: {amused} Heh. I could do this all day.

{After the scorpions stop attacking}
COACH Z: Hey, Strong Bad! Great day for a Halfathlon!

[edit] Coach Z → Checkpoint


STRONG BAD: What did you do to the track, Coach?
COACH Z: Ain't it grand? I've been trying for years to get to host the Videlectrix Halfathlon, and it's finally come true!
STRONG BAD: {moderately disgusted} Uhh, do you need another medkit, Coach? Or maybe something to come down off the last one?
COACH Z: That bright light in the sky was a signal! I knew it was my duty to recreate the Halfathlon, right down to the lava pit and ice level!

STRONG BAD: How does this "Halfathlon" work, anyway?
COACH Z: It's easy! Ya just gotta activate that first checkpoint, swing over the lava pit, navigate the chicane through the angry scorpions, get through the arctic blasts and killer penguins, and pick up the trophy! If you can get that trophy back to the checkpoint, you win!
STRONG BAD: You win what?
COACH Z: Uh... I don't know. But a winner is you! That's gotta be good!

[edit] Coach Z → Scorpion Food

STRONG BAD: Why were you carrying a big ball of scorpion food?
COACH Z: To seed the track, orbviously! Can't have a proper Halfathlon without a pack of ravenous scorpions now, can you?

[edit] Medkit → Coach Z

{If Coach Z is unconscious}
STRONG BAD: Now let's see if I can really heal the lame...
{Strong Bad uses the Medkit on Coach Z, who stands up with his health fully restored. The scorpions continue to attack him during his next line.}
COACH Z: What do they put IN those things? That feels great! Tell you what, though - that'll teach me to carry around this ball of scorpion food in my back parket!
{Coach Z gets out the scorpion food and throws it into Strong Mad's shot-put pile. Strong Mad then proceeds to throw it across to the other end of the Track. It disintegrates into a cube and several scraps. The scorpions then run away, in the direction of the food.}

[edit] Scorpion Food → Coach Z

STRONG BAD {Strong Bad takes out the Scorpion Food} {irritated} Here.
COACH Z: {Terrified} AAAAAAAAAGH!
STRONG BAD: Oh yeah. {Puts Scorpion Food away.}

[edit] Ice Floe

STRONG BAD: Ah, the obligatory ice level. Less friction, more penguins.

[edit] Penguins

STRONG BAD: {jumps across the Ice Floe using the penguins' heads} Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!

{If Strong Bad has the Scorpion food}
STRONG BAD: {jumps across the Ice Floe using the penguins' heads} Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!
{The scorpions attack him as soon as he lands.}
STRONG BAD: {struggles} Agh! No! Gettimoff! {falls onto his back, his body blinking and disappearing afterwards}

If Strong Bad used the checkpoint at its regular position

{First time only}
{Strong Bad re-appears next to the checkpoint.}
STRONG BAD: Man, those scorpions are nasty! I almost got killed out there...
HOMESTAR: {pops up} Actually, you did.
STRONG BAD: {in disbelief} Get out of town.
HOMESTAR: Yup, the big sleep, the dirt nap, the brown shimmy! Lucky for you, this videogame checkpoint brought you back to life!
STRONG BAD: {in awe} Sweet, I'm immortal! {pause} But what about all my cool stuff?
HOMESTAR: You can't take it with you. You only get to keep the stuff you had at the last checkpoint. {vanishes}
STRONG BAD: {disappointed} Crap.

{Second time only}
STRONG BAD: {re-appears} Aw, did I die again?
HOMESTAR: {pops up} Yup. {vanishes}
STRONG BAD: {annoyed} You popped up in my interface just to say "Yup"?
HOMESTAR: {pops up} Yup. {vanishes}

STRONG BAD: {re-appears} Okay, I don't care if I do have infinite lives... {Homestar pops up.} This is starting to get annoying.
HOMESTAR: Maybe you should do something different. {vanishes}

If Strong Bad used the checkpoint before going across the ice floe

{First time only}
{Strong Bad re-appears next to the checkpoint.}
HOMESTAR: {pops up} Strong Bad?
STRONG BAD: Am I dead?
HOMESTAR: Not anymore. That checkpoint brought you back to life. {vanishes}

STRONG BAD: {re-appears} Aw, did I die again?
HOMESTAR: {pops up} Yup. {vanishes}

If Strong Bad used the checkpoint and got Strong Mad to throw it back across before returning

{Strong Bad re-appears next to the checkpoint.}
HOMESTAR: {pops up} Strong Bad?
STRONG BAD: Whoa, I could swear I was just stung to death by lo-res scorpions.
HOMESTAR: Oh, you were. But your video game checkpoint brought you back to life!
STRONG BAD: Cool. And hey, I've still got the scorpion food!
{Homestar vanishes. Strong Bad takes out the scorpion food and holds it in the air proudly. The scorpions, however, turn towards Strong Bad and go to the other side of their pit.}
STRONG BAD: Uhh, maybe I should just get out of here. {puts the food away and leaves the scene, with the Checkpoint vanishing not long after}
{The player is automatically taken back to the Videlectrix Mainframe.}

[edit] Pool of Lava

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Coach Z really went hardcore on the track. Can't wait to see Homestar swimming laps in that pool of lava.
HOMESTAR: {pops up, determined} Put me in, coach! That pool of acid took me by surprise, but I got this lava thing under control! It's all mental, you see. {vanishes}
STRONG BAD: YOU'RE all mental.

STRONG BAD: Ah, the obligatory lava level.

[edit] Gel-Arshie → Pool of Lava

GEL-ARSHIE: {appears above the lava} Oh boy! This lava's red like me! Now here's a thing you couldn't see!
{The area glows red. A box appears near the lava.}
GEL-ARSHIE: {floats into the lava} I'm melting! {sinks deeper} I'M MELTING!
STRONG BAD: {shakes his head} Weird, even for you. Back into my inventory!
{Gel-Arshie vanishes.}

[edit] Scorpion

STRONG BAD: Man, those scorpions look angry! If they only had more pixels, you could see the venom dripping from their tiny pinchers.

[edit] Scorpion Food

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: {picks it up} "Scorpion Food". Hmmm.
{The scorpions - located between the lava and ice levels - jump around excitedly.}
STRONG BAD: Man, those scorpions are really homed in on this stuff. {puts the food away} Good thing there's an ice level between us.

{Second time only}
STRONG BAD: {sings while taking the food, just like when taking the bat hutch in Baddest of the Bands} Pickin' up the scorpion food again... hope I don't get stung.

{Third time only}
STRONG BAD: {takes the food} I hope this scorpion food appreciates all the stinging and walking into the light I'm goin' through.

STRONG BAD: {frustratingly takes the food} Friggin' fraggin' scorpion food...

[edit] Strong Mad

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Hey there, Gigantor.
STRONG MAD: I PUT SHOT!
HOMESTAR: {pops up, excited} Oh boy oh boy! Strong Bad, I'm too embarrassed. Could you get me an autograph?
STRONG BAD: {annoyed} An autograph? It's just Strong Mad.
HOMESTAR: That's not just any Strong Mad! He's been possessed by the 8-bit spirit of Putchnya Shotski, honorable mention shotput semi-finalist of the 1982 Winter Olympics! He's my greatest sports hero... that Videlectrix could afford to license! {vanishes}

{Second time only}
STRONG BAD: I always suspected there was a Soviet shotputter trapped inside Strong Mad's body. So, big guy... wanna join my party to save the world from Trogdor?
STRONG MAD: I PUT SHOT! I WIN TROPHY!
STRONG BAD: {lowers his head} Dang.

STRONG BAD: Aw, c'mon. Whaddaya need a trophy for?
STRONG MAD: I PUT SHOT! I WIN TROPHY!
STRONG BAD: {irritated} All right, geez. Don't get your sports bra in a bundle!

[edit] Trophy → Strong Mad

STRONG BAD: Alrighty, Comrade Shotski. On behalf of the Videlectrix Gaming Association... {gets out the trophy} ...I present to you this trophy for Superior Halfathery in the Videlectrix Halfathlon.
{Homestar pops up and sings a fanfare in the background.}
STRONG MAD: {joyfully} PUT SHOT SHOT PUT TROPHY!!! SOLZHENITSYN!!! GLASNOST!!!
STRONG BAD: {impatiently} Yeah, yeah, ich bin ein donut. Are you joining my party or what?
STRONG MAD: DA! DA! {vanishes}
ON-SCREEN TEXT: STRONG MAD has joined your party!

[edit] Trophy

STRONG BAD: That was easier than I thought. {takes the trophy} I wonder why Strong Mad didn't just come over and take it himself.
STRONG MAD: I PUT SHOT!
HOMESTAR: {pops up} He's been concentratin' on his shotput game, at the expense of his vine-swingin' and penguin-hoppin' performance. Let's hope that doesn't hurt him in the finals! {vanishes}

STRONG BAD: I love 8-bit trophies! Di-o-di-o-di!! {takes the trophy}
HOMESTAR: {pops up, annoyed} I don't think that trophy belongs to you, Strong Bad!
STRONG BAD: Even better! Ding-do-ding! Donk! {Homestar vanishes}

[edit] Vine

{First time only}
{Strong Bad swings across the lava pit and lands safely at the other side.}
STRONG BAD: And he sticks the landing! U-S-A! U-S-A!

STRONG BAD: Alzee-oup! {swings across the lava}

{If Strong Bad has the scorpion food in his inventory}
STRONG BAD: Alzee-oup!
{Strong Bad swings across the lava pit and lands safely at the other side.}
STRONG BAD: I don't like the looks of those scorpions, man. It's like they can TELL I've got scorpion food in my pants!
{The scorpions start attacking him.}
STRONG BAD: Agh! Gettimoff! {collapses and disappears}
{Strong Bad gets taken back to where the checkpoint was before.}
STRONG BAD: Aw, did I die again?
HOMESTAR: {pops up} Yup. {vanishes}
STRONG BAD: {annoyed} You popped up in my interface just to say "Yup"?
HOMESTAR: {pops up} Yup. {vanishes}
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