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Strong Bad Email #96
watch the bet monument
"So excited, so naive..."

Steve from Victoria, BC, wants to know why The Cheat is such a diligent lackey.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, Bubs, Doreauxgard, Puppet Homestar (Easter egg), Puppet Doreauxgard (Easter egg), Strong Sad (DVD Easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, Bubs' Concession Stand

Computer: Compy 386

Date: Monday, January 26, 2004

Running Time: 2:47

Page Title: Compy 386!!

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Three



STRONG BAD: {singing} So innocent and email-free... That's you 'n me.

{He pulls up the email and reads it aloud.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} BC? Whoa! This is an old freakin' email. Most of the emails I get are ADs. And the occasional JD. Wow. I wonder if it was written on, like, a stone tablet. Or maybe some, uh, papyrus. Anyhow... {Strong Bad clears the screen and continues typing.} No, Steve, The Cheat is a good lackey because he "knows what's best" and "doesn't want to get left by the side of the road during a thunderstorm" or "taped to Pom-Pom again." {He clears the screen and continues typing.} It probably also has to do with the fact that I "treat him like a brother that's not Strong Sad" instead of a "little yellow squeaky thing that somethetimes steals my ladytypes." I also pay him real nice. Which isn't very difficult considering The Cheat "thinks pencil shavings are legal tender." Check it out...

{Strong Bad sharpens a pencil with a small handheld sharpener.}

STRONG BAD: Hey, The Cheat!

{The Cheat walks in.}

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

{Strong Bad waves his hand over the fresh pencil shavings.}

STRONG BAD: I'll pay you all these precious pencil shavings if you go pilfer me a cantaloupe from Marzipan's melon patch.

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises, then darts off with motion blur}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Ahhhh, look at him go. So excited, so naive... {"Naive" is said like the word "knave."}

{The Cheat runs back in with a cantaloupe.}

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noise}

STRONG BAD: Whoa, supa soivice! Thanks man. You can go back to whatever you were doin'.

THE CHEAT: {angry The Cheat noises while pointing to the pencil shavings}

STRONG BAD: Oh, right. Your "payment." Here ya go!

{Strong Bad scrapes pencil shavings onto The Cheat's head.}

THE CHEAT: {grateful The Cheat noises. He leaves.}

STRONG BAD: Awwww, that's almost adorable... Now, what am I gonna to do with all my tons of new stuff? A sharp pencil...and a can-ta-loo-pay. The possibilities are endless! I suppose I could use the pencil to draw a little guy on the cantaloupe.

{Strong Bad mumbles while drawing a face on the cantaloupe.}

STRONG BAD: Ooh, and then if I jammed the cantaloupe on the end of the pencil... Hey everybody look! It's Doreauxgard! How ya doin', Doe?

DOREAUXGARD: Hey, there, Mister Strong Bad! Well, I'm fine, last couple days though...

{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand with The Cheat.}

BUBS: Your total comes out to fifteen tooty-two!

THE CHEAT: {makes a The Cheat noise while pushing the pencil shavings onto the counter.}

BUBS: {hops in surprise} What's this malarkey?

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

{The Cheat points to a sign saying: "We Gladly Accept: Cash, Money, or Cash Money." "Pencil shavings" on a scrap of paper has been taped on at the bottom.}

BUBS: Well, if it's on the sign... Nice doin' business witchya!

{The Cheat walks off with his new "Boy's Hobby Kit" on his head. Doreauxgard shows up}

DOREAUXGARD: Hey, there, Mr. Bubs. I'm from the collection agency. You missed your last payments. Gonna have to bust your kneecaps if ya don't pay up!

BUBS: {briefly enlarging eyes in fright} Oh, dag! You found me! {eyes return to normal size}

{Bubs slams down a metal shop gate, revealing "SB wa5 HeRe" graffiti.}

{The Paper comes down.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa! Forgot about that one! I mean...

DOREAUXGARD: Sure is some niiice graffiti!

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the top of the "boy's hobby kit" box when The Cheat is buying it to see what it says.
hollerin' jimmy's hobby kit
"We have no idea what's in this box!!"
No, dan, the Cheat is a good lackey
because he "(active verb phrase (i.e. "does some stuff."))"
and "(negative active verb phrase (i.e. "doesn't do some stuff."))" or
"(active verb phrase)." It probably
also has to do with the fact that I
treat him "(comparison phrase (i.e. "like an idiot"))"
instead of a "(noun)."
I also pay him real nice. Which isn't
very difficult considering the Cheat
"(another stupid active verb phrase)."
Check it out.
  • Click on Doreauxgard's head at the end to see a video of the "Homestar and Doreauxgard Show!"
ANNOUNCER: The Homestar Runner and Doreauxgard Show! Brought to you by Hollerin' Jimmy Hobby Kits!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, Doreauxgard! We've got our own show!
DOREAUXGARD: Boy, I'll say! I'm gonna be a star!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Nope. I'm afraid there's only one job for you on this show!
DOREAUXGARD: Well, lay it on me!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: You have to be...the produce-r! {Homestar and the audience laugh.}
DOREAUXGARD: Forget you, Whitey! I'm going solo! {Doreauxgard walks off. Soon Homestar stops laughing.}

Fun Facts


  • In the Strong Bad Libs Easter egg, Strong Bad's green tongue can be seen, which was introduced in Super NES.
  • The floppy disk container is placed behind the Flash border, and cannot be read in the toon. Decompiling the Flash file reveals the title to be "maniac mansion".
  • The Strong Bad Libs Easter egg uses the unmodified version of AhnbergHand, so certain characters such as apostrophes will show up as spaces.
  • The YouTube description for this email is "Quotation marks abound in this email about what a good lackey The Cheat is to Strong Bad. Featuring justifiably forgotten cantaloupe puppet Doreauxgard."


  • Strong Bad spells what should be "Pom Pom" with a hyphen.
  • When Strong Bad faces the screen to say "The possibilities are endless", he doesn't actually turn his head; his head snaps from profile to front within one frame.
  • Although it is implied The Cheat taped "pencil shavings" onto Bubs's sign listing accepted payments, the paper is written in Strong Bad's handwriting.


  • At the beginning, when Strong Bad presses enter after singing, the ending of the keyboard press sound effect is slightly cut off.
    • The same happens when he clears the screen.
  • When the camera zooms out, the text in the Compy is a meaningless jumble of two screens:
  • When Strong Bad turns back to the computer when The Cheat is getting the cantaloupe, the screen is blank, even though he didn't clear it.
  • When Strong Bad contemplates what to do with his sharp pencil and cantaloupe, another pencil can be seen behind Strong Bad's head. The pencil is resting on the keyboard, which is where Strong Bad was holding it earlier in the email.
    • When Strong Bad turns back to the computer with the cantaloupe on the pencil, the second pencil is no longer by the computer.
  • When Strong Bad is holding the pencil and the cantaloupe, the sharp end of the pencil is pointing up. When it cuts to him drawing on the cantaloupe, the sharp end is pointing down.
  • When Doreauxgard is in front of the Compy, the contrast buttons cannot be seen or used.
  • When the Easter egg with Strong Libs is clicked on, the front page is coming out of the back.
  • In the Strong Bad Libs Easter egg, neither the name "dan" nor "the" in "the Cheat" are capitalized, despite the latter being part of The Cheat's name and capitalized in Strong Bad's typing.
  • During the intro for the Easter egg with the puppets, part of the blue square in the top-left corner is briefly visible outside of the toon's box.

Inside References

  • The hobby kit bought by The Cheat "comes to fifteen-Tooty-two".
  • The Cheat was previously taped to Pom Pom in your friends.
  • In the Strong Lib Easter egg, the author of the email is called Dan.
  • Strong Bad saying "soivice" is another example of "Er" pronounced as "Oi".

Real-World References

  • "JD" is a reference to "Julian Date", an astronomical dating system that counts the total days from January 1, 4713 BC (for example, January 26, 2004 AD is 2453031 JD).
  • Strong Bad's remark about "super service" (in a Brooklyn accent) is a reference to the Three Stooges short Violent Is the Word for Curly.

Fast Forward

DVD Version

  • The Boy's Hobby Kit Easter egg is viewable using the angle button on the DVD remote.
  • The Homestar Runner and Doreauxgard Show Easter egg is now fullscreen and in much higher quality video. It also adds a tiny bit of additional footage to the end (though sans any dialogue). To view it, select the hidden Strong Bad logo located on the cantaloupe at the end of the video.
  • The Strong Libs Easter egg now has Strong Sad moderating a Strong Lib and Strong Bad reluctantly playing. To view it, select the hidden Strong Bad logo located on the graffiti under the letter "B" in "SB" at the end of the video.


STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Awww, don't make me do this thing! They're only funny when you're, like, 4 years old.

STRONG SAD: {voiceover} No, we're gonna do it, and it's gonna be great! {booklet flips to page two} OK, I need an active verb phrase.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Uhm... "brings the noise"

STRONG SAD: {He writes "brings the noise" in.} {voiceover} OK, now I need a negative active verb phrase.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} "Never takes two."

STRONG SAD: {He writes in "never takes two."} {voiceover} O-kay... Uh, another active verb phrase.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Uh, let me think about it, "gets busy."

STRONG SAD: {He writes in "gets busy."} {voiceover} OK. A comparison phrase. You know, like "like an idiot."

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} "Like a beard."

STRONG SAD: {He writes in "like a beard."} {voiceover} What? Oh, OK, I need a noun.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} "Throat lozenge."

STRONG SAD: {He writes in "throat lozenge."} {voiceover} All right, and finally, one more active verb phrase.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I can't think of any more!

STRONG SAD: {He writes in "can't think of anymore."} OK! Great! Let's see how it turned out! {turns page} "A Strong Bad Email. No, dan, the Cheat is a good lackey because he 'brings the noise' and 'never takes two' or 'gets busy.'" You see, that's... You told me to write that.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, irritated} I know! Hurry up and finish!

STRONG SAD: {voiceover} Oh! "It probably also has to do with the fact that I treat him 'like a beard' instead of a 'throat lozenge.'" You see, that's good, you see, you wouldn't... you'd rather be treated like—

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, angry} Come on!

STRONG SAD: {voiceover} "I also pay him real nice. Which isn't very difficult considering that the Cheat 'can't think of anymore.' Check it out." See, that turned out pretty good! Strong Bad?

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, more distant} I'm already playing Nintendo in the other room!

Fun Facts

  • Strong Sad misspells "any more" as one word.
  • Oddly enough, Strong Sad writes the phrases in Strong Bad's handwriting.
  • Strong Bad mentions Nintendo.

External Links

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