User:Guybrush20X6/Stupid Things Homestar's Done

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"Ooh! I'm a neglected official."

The sender of the Strong Bad Email 4 branches asks about the stupidest thing Homestar Runner has ever done, said, or imagined, and Strong Bad replies that it would take several days just to scratch the surface of the tip of that iceberg. As Strong Bad states in TrogdorCon '97, he has an unbelievably loose grasp on the world around him.

Contents

[edit] Stupid Things Homestar's Done

[edit] Big Toons

  • In Search of the Yello Dello — Homestar cooks a turkey for Marzipan's birthday, forgetting she's a vegetarian.
  • The Luau — Homestar drinks 32 glasses of melonade, and relieves himself over the spare firewood behind Marzipan's gazebo. He also fails to notice Strong Sad standing on the opposite side of the tofu spit roast.
  • Where's The Cheat — Homestar calls Marzipan "stupid" when bringing her "this stuff", and only corrects the second part to say "veggie burger".
  • Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon
    • Homestar starts making siren noises upon catching Strong Bad and The Cheat. Long after their surrender, Homestar continues to make siren noises.
    • Homestar interrogates Pom Pom for being out past curfew, forgetting they're supposed to be looking for the kidnapped Poopsmith together.
    • Upon finding the still bound-and-gagged Poopsmith, Homestar tells him to move along, and then asks him if he's Biscuitdoughhandsman.
  • Bug In Mouth Disease — Homestar swallows a bug:
    • He overreacts, saying the good times are over.
    • In his panic he mistakes The King of Town for Santa.
    • He steals Pom Pom's and The King of Town's prescription ice creams in an attempt to freeze it out.
    • After Strong Bad smacks Homestar in the face with a frying pan, Homestar wakes up and thanks him for the great "skillet nap".
  • Cool Things — Homestar writes the phrase "Cool Tapes" on Marzipan's wall and is sent to get paint to cover it up.
    • Homestar wears cool shades covered in Yella Paint, causing him to mistake Strong Sad for Dripping Yellow Madness. Upon being corrected, he still insists Strong Sad is in fact Dripping Yellow Madness.
    • Homestar gives away the paint to Strong Sad for "a date with a wall".
    • Homestar "falls" into a "death hole" not deep enough to contain him, but he screams as if he is still falling.
    • Homestar believes that the sales representative who gave him his cool shades was named Stan, even though it was Bubs.
    • Eventually Homestar returns to Marzipan's with a bag of four grapes, by which point he's taken so long that Marzipan has formed a band called "Cool Tapes".
  • Weclome Back — Homestar Runner sleeps in through several months, leaving homestarrunner.com without updates.
  • Strongest Man in the World — In the remake of the original book:
    • Homestar misnames the titular contest twice.
    • Upon hearing Strong Bad call Homestar and Pom Pom "the big fat yellow blob and Pom Pom", Homestar has a hard time telling if Strong Bad insulted him or not.
    • After being insulted by Strong Bad, Homestar becomes angry and is determined to get Strong Bad's autograph, due to a pretty big line building up.
    • He drops his grapes to stop The Cheat, presumably not realising that that it disqualifies him.
    • He expects the original ending to take place.
  • Date Nite — Homestar and Strong Bad try to sabotage Marzipan and The Cheat's date:
    • Homestar calls Marzipan a "fox's mother", and when Marzipan says that that's more offensive than "foxy mama", he clarifies that he meant the more offensive one.
    • Marzipan implies that Homestar can't count to four.
    • His attempts to ruin their dinner at Marshmallow's L'est Stand are transparent to the point of uselessness.
    • He thanks The Cheat for asking if he can clean his clock.
    • Homestar and Strong Bad attempt to ruin the dating couple's night on the Stone Bridge using fireworks and a cardboard submarine. The submarine sinks and the fireworks only serve to make the night more romantic.
    • Homestar forgets the words to the Strong Badia National Anthem as they sink.
  • DNA Evidence — Homestar, while looking for the titular DNA evidence, finds it in a glass and mistakes it for "Mountain Dwah". He then proceeds to drink it and spit it all over The Cheat.
  • Career Day — Homestar mistakes Space Captainface for a police-fireman.
  • Kick-A-Ball — Strong Bad and Homestar compete in Kick-A-Ball:
    • Homestar seems oblivious to the fact that he has no visible hands.
    • Homestar calls out "Sonic" instead of "tails" as the coin flips.
    • Homestar proceeds to pick Pom Pom for his team multiple times, leaving Strong Bad with the rest of the cast.
    • Upon seeing the mismatched teams, Homestar declares they're split "Even Stevens".
  • 2 Part Episode: Part 1 — In the Easter egg, Homestar seems to think Cheat Commandos is about hamsters opening restaurants.
  • Homestar Runner Goes For the Gold — Homestar shows Strong Bad something cool he found in his shed:
    • Homestar raves about how exciting the thing he found was for so long, he forgot what said thing actually was. After thinking, he claims it was a squeakburger.
    • Homestar starts narrating "Homestar Runner Goes for the Gold!" as "The Homestar Runner and the Bathyscaphe: A Lurid Tale of Underwater Intrigue and Underwater Pants".
    • Homestar finds his old whistle at the end and has completely forgotten how whistles are supposed to work. He holds it in front of his mouth and makes whistle noises with his lips, declaring it to be a great new era in Homestar Runner talk.

[edit] Shorts

"Was it my star or propeller cap that gave it away?"
  • Theme Song Video — The cake Homestar makes for Marzipan collapses.
  • Fluffy Puff Commercial — Homestar repeatedly flubs his line for the Fluffy Puff Marshmallows commercial. At night, after 854 takes, he settles for a simpler endorsement.
  • The Interview — Strong Bad tries to interview Homestar to find out what "his freakin' problem is":
    • Homestar walks past the arranged meeting place several times, ending up half an hour late.
    • Homestar twice claims to have driven, despite Strong Bad pointing out he doesn't own a car.
    • Homestar mistakes Stong Bad's interview for a job interview and hands over a grocery list as his resume (pronounced "re-zoom").
    • Homestar forgets he is the one being interviewed, and begins asking Strong Bad questions.
  • Arcade Game
    • Homestar fails to notice the post-it note saying Strong Bad is in the basement until he types in an email asking where Strong Bad is.
    • He misspells Strong Bad as "Stong Bah", which he later thinks the "SB" in Strong Bad's note stands for.
    • He also believes Strong Bad's blatant lie that they're doing The Cheat's taxes, when they're really playing TROGDOR!. He asks them to do his next, and calls the TROGDOR! arcade machine a "big adding machine".
    • He apparently spends a total of $1500 a year on protection from Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and The Cheat, $1000 on Fluffy Puff Marshmallows, $2000 on witch's brew, and $4000 on refinancing his hat.
  • Lookin at a Thing in a Bag — Strong Bad, The Cheat and Strong Mad trick Homestar into getting them drinks. He also looks into an empty bag and talks about how cool it is, believing it to be the thing in the bag. The toon ends with him wearing the bag on his head.
  • Experimental Film
    • Homestar interrupts the filming of Strong Sad's portion of the music video twice.
    • In the commentary, he refers to They Might Be Giants as "Super Giants".
    • Upon seeing himself, Strong Bad, and Strong Mad in the video, Homestar points out that the people in the video look just like him, Strong Bad, and Coach Z, respectively.
    • He somehow plays a video game on an ATM and says he's "some type of magic video game man". He tells Strong Sad to start dealing with that.
    • He says "hey, Strong Sad" twice only to tell him that "it's a lion", as the text appears in the video.
  • The Li'l Brudder Show — Homestar melodramatically cries over Li'l Brudder once again and calls his cartoon TV show "his most ambitious album to date".
  • TrogdorCon '97
    • Homestar Runner attends the con dressed up as Homestar Runner by putting another propellor cap and paper star over his own.
    • He congratulates Strong Bad for guessing his costume correctly first try.
    • When Strong Bad replies that Homestar's "unbelievably loose grasp on the world around [him]" gave it away, Homestar agrees.
    • He tells Strong Bad to watch him walk by, and repeats "left, right, left, right" while staring at his feet.
  • Sick Day — Homestar and the House of the Brothers Strong come down with an illness:
    • Homestar has the wrong end of the thermometer in his mouth.
    • Homestar tries to get Strong Bad to smell how bad his burps are.
    • Homestar mistakes Strong Bad's email for a word problem. He gives Strong Bad his own "word problem", an unsolvable math question.
  • Strong Bad is a Bad Guy — Homestar talks about getting tattoos of his "forearm" and "bulging biceps", despite not having visible arms.
  • Summer Short Shorts — Homestar makes various strange comparisons between items on The Bar and his and Pom Pom's friendship, such as "two breads and a biscuit", "a bowl of mayonnaise", and "soggy napkin".
  • No Hands on Deck — Homestar decides to build a deck:
    • Homestar again talks through Cardboard Marzipan.
    • Homestar misspells "Deckman" as D-E-C-K-E-M-A-N.
    • Homestar somehow comes out from Strong Sad's bed sheets, not sure of how he managed to do so.
    • Homestar procrastinates by talking about galvanised nails as he doesn't know how to build a deck, something he/Cardboard Marzipan calls him out on.
    • Homestar encases all of the field, bar Bubs' Concession stand in decking, including Cardboard Marzipan, Strong Mad, the bushes and, somehow, the clouds.
  • Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene — In the third deleted scene, Homestar doesn't notice anything is off about Cottage Cheese Strong Bad until its head falls off.
  • Ever and More! — Homestar uses The King of Town to demonstrate the secret handshake, despite neither of them having visible arms.
  • Quality Time — Homestar spends three weeks in Marzipan's closet looking for a cake she said was in there. He decides that the broom and coats are cakes and proceeds to eat them.
  • Blubb-O's Commercial — Homestar opens his sales pitch with "Welcome the crap to Blubb-O's".
  • Play Date — Homestar plays with Strong Mad:
    • Homestar plays "Blocks" which involves him being buried under a massive tower of cinder blocks. Homestar claims this is exactly what he thought the game would be and doesn't know why he agreed to it.
    • Homestar asks for a Cold One at the end and despite dropping it, still acts as if he's drinking it.
  • The Baloneyman:
    • Homestar is oblivious to Bubs's hints that the sandwich shaped like it has a bite taken out of it does in fact have a bite taken out of it.
    • Homestar fails to notice Strong Sad being run down by the Baloney Sammich Truck and that's he's been subsequently run over by it at the end of the day.
  • Place ya bets! — Homestar places half a G on Strong Bad not making it out of email 200 and has a bomb prepared to do so. Strong Sad points out that his "bomb" is actually a bunch of red candles with a clock taped to them, at which point Homestar tries to make his escape on an "invisible secret elevator". Strong Sad then starts taking bets on Homestar spending the whole week under the table.
  • Coach Z's 110% — Homestar drops the exhausted act during his interview.
  • Best Caper Ever — Strong Bad and The Cheat trap an unaware Homestar on an ice floe in the Arctic:
    • Homestar spends his time pretending one leg is shorter than the other.
    • Homestar has a conversation with a bloated sealion carcass and Marzipan who is not present.
    • Homestar throws away a satellite phone and flare gun for poking him.
    • Homestar begins to suspect he isn't in Marzipan's patio at which point he calls out to Larry and himself for help.
    • Homestar mistakes Strong Sad for a polar bear and thinks he has frost breath.
  • Donut Unto Others
    • Homestar's secret recipe is a square of toilet paper with "dognut" written on it.
    • Homestar buys questionable medical coverage from Bubs.
    • His doughnut batter has clear hairs in it.
    • Homestar passes off Marzipan telling him to get out of her kitchen as a positive review.
    • Homestar sets up a fryer in a cardboard box, which causes Homestar's face to be fried when Strong Bad knocks the store over.
  • 79 Seconds Left — Homestar and Strong Sad pour water on their knees for fun.
    • When Strong Bad demands he be called The Leg from now on, Homestar calls him "The-Leg-from-now-on" in full.
  • Where My Hat Is At? (toon) — In the remake of the original book:
    • Homestar refers to Homestar Runner as a different person.
    • Homestar doesn't understand Marzipan's questions of where his hat has gone until she phrases it in the same way the title does.
    • Homestar lifts the couch with Marzipan still on it, sending her flying.
    • Homestar mentions that it made complete sense to him that his non-food hat would be on a food grill.
    • Homestar tries to trade his jock-strap for Pom Pom's hat.
    • Homestar looked inside his hat for his hat.
    • Homestar finds that he left his hat in the fridge when he left his hat in the fridge.
    • Homestar runs onto the field expecting things to turn out like the original book and keeps acting as if the original ending is taking place as The Umpire spells out that Homestar illegally ran on to the field and will be banned from play.
  • On Break — Homestar praises the Freshmen for their spirit, despite no-one joining in the chant.
  • Flash is Dead! — Strong Bad tries to explain to Homestar that Flash is dying:
    • Homestar thinks that the error message "vulnerable and should be updated" would sound good on his dating profile.
    • Homestar mistakes Strong Bad exclamation of "Horse Gibblets" for the name of Strong Bad's filthy sack, F-Sack.
    • When told "Flash is Dying" Homestar thinks Strong Bad is talking about the DC Superhero of the same name. He also claims to be a way better runner than him.
    • Homestar mistakes Strong Bad's statement that Flash created us all as something religious.
    • When Strong Bad say the need to head for the hills, Homestar wonders if the objects in the background are hill or bushes as Strong Bad tries to tell him he was being figurative. Homestar proceeds to run into them, confirming they are bushes.
    • Homestar thinks HTML5 means "Hyper Text Markup Lotion 5" and offers to "poop" a little out for Strong Bad.
    • Homestar mistakes Strong Bad's analogy of Flash dying being a meteor coming for Earth to mean Strong Bad wants another Deep Impact DVD.
    • During his Deep Impact impression, Homestar mixes up the names of the actors with characters they played and mixes up the movie itself with similar disaster movie Armageddon.
  • Characters from Yonder Website — Homestar, along with most of the cast, drinks Smarty Juice that's 10 years out of date and hallucinates an unbelievably soothing children's programme.

[edit] Holiday Toons

Naked somehow... "Ooh, but it is snowing!"
  • Homestar Runner has a habit of getting character's costumes wrong, including his own.
  • A Holiday Greeting — Homestar accidentally repeats "O Holy Crap" when trying to correct Strong Bad.
  • The House That Gave Sucky Treats
    • On the Smarties selection, Homestar recalls Marzipan telling him to eat loads of them, though he's not sure why.
    • On the Peanuts selection, Homestar starts humming Entrance of the Gladiators for way too long, even knocking on the door again to continue.
  • The Best Decemberween Ever
    • Homestar fails to notice Strong Sad leaning on the wall right in front of him.
    • Homestar insults Marzipan's gift ideas to her face and takes her suggestion to annoy someone else sincerely.
    • Instead of multiple more apt presents he found at Bubs' Concession Stand, Homestar gets Strong Bad a Deep Impact DVD; the same present he got him for the last three Decemberweens.
  • Pumpkin Carve-nival — Homestar doesn't think another him walking around is strange until it's revealed to be Strong Bad in disguise.
  • A Decemberween Pageant — Homestar talks about getting ready for the big Decemberween Pageant, forgetting he's already on stage in front of a crowd.
  • Malloween Commercial — Homestar thinks eyeballs make the sound "Seeeee!".
  • 3 Times Halloween Funjob
    • Homestar mistakes his change for free money.
    • Homestar can't figure out what Strong Bad has planned for Halloween, despite Strong Bad picking up dubious amounts of toilet paper and eggs.
    • Homestar watered Marzipan's ficus plant Credenza with Yoo-Hoo, killing the plant.
    • Homestar gets "a million pounds" of "bum candy" from the Poopsmith.
    • Homestar thinks The Treacherous 3 is the third movie in a trilogy.
  • Halloween Fairstival — After selling Strong Bad some Witch's Brew for $10, Homestar is fooled into paying Strong Bad the $10. Homestar then tries to stop breathing for $10.
  • Homestar Presents: Presents — Homestar does some very last minute Decemberween shopping.
    • Homestar sets his alarm to 10 PM instead of AM, "again".
    • Homestar planned to go Decemberween shopping, but sleeps through the day before and wakes up when Decemberween is nearly over.
    • In his panic, he runs into the door, falls down the stairs and ends up outside naked somehow.
    • Homestar mistakes Homsar's collection bucket for a complementary spit bucket.
    • Homestar roots through Bubs's 'aught four crap for last minute presents including electrical tape for Pom Pom, a rusty steak knife for Coach Z and a Bannana with an arrow through it for The Poopsmith
    • Homestar takes Bubs's threat of a "kick in the skull with a ribbon on it" to mean Bubs wants ribbons for Decemberween.
    • Homestar gets Marzipan wire cutters for Decemberween. This turns out to work in his favor, to Strong Bad and his own surprise, as Marzipan was looking for a pair to free baby seals caught in crab traps.
    • Homestar then forgets that he got everyone Decemberween presents and starts panicking all over again. Strong Bad tell the audience that this nonsense goes on until New Year's Day.
  • HomestarRunner.com PAY PLUS!
    • In the "Seven Second Sample" Homestar counts too slowly, only getting up to 5 before the "trial" ends.
    • In the "Trap Door" Sample, Homestar is oblivious to the fact Strong Bad and The Cheat tried to send him down a bottomless pit and dances around on Strong Mad's head.
  • Senorial Day — In the first ad for Bubs' Concession Stand Homestar pretends to make fireworks noises by saying "Explosions! Fireworks!" and claims to be Bubs's son with a fake large eye and set of teeth taped to his face.
  • Happy Fireworks — Homestar brings along a crude drawing of Marzipan on a piece of cardboard, filling in her voice himself. Somehow, Cardboard Marzipan seems to be more aware and intelligent than Homestar himself.
    • Homestar calls Independence Day "Happy Fireworks", which Cardboard Marzipan tries to correct him on.
    • Homestar denies that Marzipan is out of town, before confirming she is as Cardboard Marzipan.
  • Halloween Potion-ma-jig — In this chose-your-own-venture type game:
    • Homestar tells the audience that he's trapped in a haunted mansion and he needs their help to find his costume and escape with a fake HUD coming up on screen. It's quickly revealed he's in his own house and Marzipan hands him his costume at which point he declares "You win!"
    • Homestar drew bugs and ducks over Marzipan's Halloween potion recipe and when she realises, he shouts to her off screen, asking if he can draw bugs and ducks over her Halloween potion recipe.
    • Powder Intro: Homestar dug up and ate a sandwich that the King of Town buried when he was a child, complaining there was too much mayo.
    • Powder Option 1: Homestar's detailed account of eating the sandwich includes his washing it in windex to get the dirt off, making it soggy.
    • Essence Option 2: Homestar claims to be trying to ruin Marzipan's Halloween potion.
    • Essence, all options: Homestar is tricked into running off the cliff by Strong Bad and/or The Cheat.
    • Stirring Utensil Option 2: Homestar sings horribly off key, earning him a chewed up pen from Bubs.
    • Stirring Utensil Option 3: Homestar does a terrible Ronald Regan impression, before he reveals he was trying to be "Keanu Regan", earning him a "terlet brush" from Bubs.
    • Magic Words Intro: Homestar thinks Strong Sad being buried is part of his costume.
    • Magic Words Option 1: Homestar takes Strong Sad's question of "[...] do you even have half a brain?" as Strong Sad's suggestion for magic words.
    • Tofu Ending: After turning back from Tofu Homestar, Homestar sing-songs that Marzipan's costume makes her butt look big.
    • Cyclops Ending: According to Marzipan, Homestar gets double vision because he forgets how to use his eyes, causing him to believe he was dating twins.
  • More Fan Costumes — While Strong Bad is having a freak out after seeing an attractive woman dressed as Homestar Runner, Homestar himself proceeds to make things worse by offering Strong Bad a backrub and calling him sweetie.
  • Fall Float Parade
    • Homestar somehow gets himself stuck on a float parade in a pile of sweat shirts (which, thanks to a misspelled float sign, he calls swe-atshirts) while he's supposed to be watching Bubs' Concession Stand, leading it to get stolen by Strong Mad.
    • In the Easter egg, he replaces the stand with a cardboard box that has "blue face man's store" written on it. He confidently states Bubs will never know the difference.
  • Happy Hallow-day — Homestar's attempts to catch Halloween Night involves trying to bait it out with a chew toy like a puppy, even telling it to sit.
  • Fan Costumes '06 — Homestar Runner claims to have eaten Luigi and that he tasted like Mushrooms.
  • Decemberween Short Shorts — Homestar as a Christmas cookie ornament wants to eat himself and mixes up Decemberween with Halloween.
  • Jibblies 2 — As the Jibblies painting picks off the cast one by one:
    • Homestar refuses to answer the phone for Marzipan as he's too busy not answering the phone.
    • Doesn't realise that Marzipan's got the Jibblies, instead thinking she's singing a song or talking about giblets.
    • Upon seeing Bubs jibblied, declares "we're snowed in again"!
    • Homestar's offended to be left out of Strong Bad's list of lame characters.
    • Homestar is not spooked by the Jibblies Paining and willingly goes in.
    • Homestar agrees to spend all eternity in the painting to save his friends, not understanding what "eternity" means.
    • Homestar still thinks Marzipan was talking about making giblets.
  • Fan Costumes '07 — Homestar is convinced a photo of a fan dressed up as him is one of him and a photo of a fan dressed up as The Yello Dello is a photo of Marzipan.
  • Happy Dethemberween — Homestar sleeps with his hedge-clippers under his pillow.
  • Costume Commercial — Homestar claims that Bubs wears an apron "with a picture of himself, on himself" all the time.
  • Most in the Graveyard — Homestar thinks that he's at a theme park when they visit the graveyard.
  • Hooked on Decemberween — Homestar sings that he got everyone presents at the dollar store for 50% off.
  • A Death-Defying Decemberween — Homestar tries to get himself injured and/or killed to get out of Decemberween at Marzipan's mother's house.
  • Doomy Tales of the Macabre
    • Homestar puts his toe-nail clippings on top of Marzipan's toothbrush.
    • Homestar is unphased by losing his knees and subsequently gaining several knees.
  • Fan Costumes '09 — Homestar treats Strong Bad like his young son after seeing a picture of a family dressed up as them.
  • Punkin Show — Homestar is once again unclear on what genre The Show (as "The Punkin Show") is.
  • A Decemberween Mackerel
    • Homestar wears a sweater made out of mistletoe despite it being infested by what he believes to be venomous bugs.
    • Homestar wants Senor Cardgage to die so he can make out with Marzipan.
    • Marzipan tells Homestar to his face that she tricks him into making out with the mop every year.
    • Homestar says he'll go and get his Cram Rod, while he's holding it.
    • Believes that he's literally family with Marzipan and Senor Cardgage.
    • After Senor Cardgage is saved, he is sad no one is dying.
    • In the Easter egg, Homestar is, once again, tricked into making out the mop, which he doesn't realise in spite of the coackroach in "Marzipan"'s wet, stringy hair.
  • Which Ween Costumes? — Homestar insists that they always stand around in the field wearing Decemberween costumes every year.
  • April Fool 2014 — Homestar updates the website after hiatus.
    • Homestar had an entire crab shell stuck in his throat, causing bleeding.
    • Homestar takes requests to "update the best feature on your website" to mean updating the Hairstyle Runner gallery and the Homestar Talker.
    • Homestar takes the fig leaf of the statue of himself and places in on his own crotch area.
    • Homestar laughs hysterically over a period after the letter P.
    • Homestar's "Colorarization" of Kick the Can gives a very faded light color to the whole thing, and renders Sickly Sam's legs as hairy human ones.
    • Homestar eats the Fig leaf.
    • Homestar calls Strong Bad "Simone".
    • Homestar says he's been living in a duffel bag that has fungus in it, claiming to be at the top of his game.
  • I Killed Pom Pom — Homestar believes he's killed Pom Pom.
    • Homestar starts randomly shouting "murder" in his sentences and denies it when Pom Pom questions it.
    • Upon seeing the deflated giant pumkin, Homestar thinks it's Pom Pom's corpse.
    • Homestar weeps for Pom Pom calling him his "best friend and concubine", adding he should look up what concubine means.
    • Homestar believes his "evil jealous side secretly killed Pom Pom without even telling [his] dopey lovable side".
    • Homestar mentions he should have gotten the inflatable Pumpkin's phone number.
    • Homestar follows Strong Bad's instructions to get items for body disposal but panics on Cold Ones and Maple Bismarks and blurts that he killed Pom Pom.
    • Homestar's attempt at an alibi is to talk to a piece of cardboard with a burner phone drawing on it and claim to be having a legitimate conversation.
    • Homestar fails to notice he's standing in the remains of The Poopsmith's Whatsit Pile, allowing The King of Town to frame him for eating it.
    • Homestar picks up sixteen dozen kolaches, instead of bismarcks.
    • Homestar recalls his attempts to pin a corsage on his prom date lead him accidentally drawing blood.
    • Homestar tries to pin the murder of Pom Pom on Marzipan and Strong Sad while still stuffing the inflatable pumpkin into her couch. Marzipan implies this sort of thing is a regular occurrence.
    • Upon being confronted with Pom Pom's "ghost" Homestar decides to fight "murder with murder" by tearing the point off Strong Bad's costume and throwing it at Pom Pom, killing him for real.
    • When the cast tells him "you killed Pom Pom", he responds with "Uhhhhm, duh!"
  • The House That Gave Sucky Tricks — Homestar's crappy haunted house inspires Strong Bad to come up with his own.
    • Homestar's haunted house involves such things as "scary shoes" and an "incomplete jigsaw puzzle"
    • Homestar hijacks Strong Bad's imagination by making Large Bean into a museum tour.
    • Homestar forgets they're meant to be in the scary shoes room instead of the spooky shoes room and "corrects" it by telling Strong Bad to shut and open his eyes.
  • Fan Costumes 2015 — Homestar and Strong Bad dress up like questionable Halloween costumes of themselves and refer to each other as "regular Strong Bad" and "all-the-time Homestar".
  • Haunted Photo Booth — The cast investigate a haunted photo booth.
    • Marzipan tricks Homestar into kissing his own baseball bat and Homestar fails to notice it in the photo afterwards.
    • Homestar freely admits to having stolen the photo booth.
    • Homestar mistook a streaker for a super hero when he was a child.
  • Fan Costumes 2017 — Homestar has at least tasted video game cartridges in the past, noting he finds SHMUPs taste best.
  • The Next April Fools Thing — Homestar starts a motivational philosophy/cult based on rhyming platitudes.
    • Homestar puts a boulder in Strong Bad's computer room to sit on.
    • Homestar claims that "plate tectonics" put the boulder in Strong Bad's room.
    • Homestar messes up the last rhyming platitude.
  • Mr. Poofers Must Die — Homestar attempts to tell a scary story.
    • Homestar scheduled in a break-up with Marzipan and attempts to do so a week early.
    • Homestar's first attempt at killing the fictional dog Mr. Poofers ends in failure.
    • Homestar's imagination somehow overpowers all the other characters attempts to kill off Mr. Poofer
    • Homestar and the rest of the cast accapt Mr. Poofers as their Dark Lord.

[edit] Strong Bad Emails

"Just explain to me what you were trying to do when this happened."
  • Email credit card — Homestar falls for Strong Bad's blatantly transparent phishing attempt, even noting that "Superfied Credit Union" has the same email address as Strong Bad.
  • Email super powers — Homestar fails to notice Strong Bad using his powers to remove Homestar's cap repeatedly.
  • Email 1 step ahead — Homestar fails to notice Strong Sad has his hands glued to his butt, and takes Strong Sad saying he can't help it the wrong way.
  • Email dullard — The titular Dullard is Homestar, not noticing how Strong Bad is trying to ignore his rambling.
  • Email helium — Homestar mistakes The Cheat, inflated by helium for "an ugly bird".
  • Email your friends — Homestar willingly and enthusiastically puts his head into a vat of hot lava on Strong Bad's request.
  • Email 50 emails — Homestar crashes the Compy 386 through attempting to delete an email and leave a fake "everything's fine" message.
  • Email island — Homester thinks an old flyer for the Super Bowl has "saved" him and Strong Bad.
  • Email monster truck — Homestar's part in Awexome Cross '98 involves Strong Mad smashing Marzipan's guitar over his head.
  • Email fingers — Homestar wears ridiculous fake arms.
  • Email the show — Homestar can't seem to remember whether he's running a talk show or a game show.
  • Email caper — A sleepy Homestar mistakes Strong Bad and The Cheat for Strong Sad and Batman, then thanks them for breaking his cow lamp.
  • Email 2 emails — Homestar uses Strong Bad's blender and Game Boy to try and make a time machine.
  • Email privileges — Homestar thinks The Cheat burning magazines counts as getting a subscription.
  • Email anything — Homestar takes over answering Strong Bad's email.
    • He seems to think he's teaching a class while doing so.
    • He gets mad when the email refers to him as Strong Bad. Despite saying he'll let is slide, he then holds back the sender after "class".
    • Somehow believes the sender is called Jerome when they signed the email as "Dan".
    • Homestar once used old Sega Tapes as coasters.
    • Homestar once made shoes out of shoeboxes.
    • And Homestar finishes the email by making a wet computer out of Strong Bad's computer and proceeds to pour Mountain Dew over the 386's keyboard.
  • Email stunt double — Homestar is in shot by accident in one scene.
  • Email date — Homestar spends his date with Marzipan having her play a guessing game where he says an option not available, kicking her shin and spitting his "coffee" into her face.
  • Email impression — Homestar's Strong Sad costume has shoes that look like hippo's heads rather than feet, he misidentifies them as elephants and he somehow got a sock taped to his head without realising.
  • Email couch patch — Homestar thinks the email is titled "Teddy Graham Memories" and recalls the time he spat Teddy Grahams onto the ceiling of the basement.
  • Email local news — Bubs charges Homestar $5 to stand in line and he declares it the best $5 he's ever spent.
  • Email caffeine — Homestar's science project consists entirely of a single brown puddle and a sign with "AWW MAN. IT MELTED." written on it.
  • Email army — Sick of playing second fiddle to Strong Bad and The Cheat, Homestar forms the Homestarmy to invade Strong Badia.
    • Homestar mispronounces Colonel as Col-on-el.
    • He tries to recruit Strong Bad to invade his own country.
    • His speech includes him stating that he'll place a fake beard on The Tire.
    • Homestar declares a retreat when the invasion clashes with a badminton game.
    • When delivering the bad news of Frank Bennedetto's (a popcorn maker) death to Frank's mother (a microwave), he tries to get the $5 Frank owed him off her.
  • Email the bet — Homestar thinks he's lost the bet until informed otherwise and declares that if Strong Bad told him to jump off a bridge, he would.
  • Email monument — Homestar is distracted from putting on pants by the arrival of The Thnikkaman.
  • Email flashback
  • Email car — Homestar interrupts the deleting of the email to show off his tricked out propeller cap.
    • Homestar thinks that Strong Bad said "doing" (as in the sound effect) rather than "doing" (as in the verb) because he "spelt them the same" despite Strong Bad saying it out loud.
    • Homestar pronounces "coup-de-gras" as "Koop-de-Grass".
    • Homestar claims that his buzzer plays the theme from Nightcourt when he hums it.
    • Homestar asks Strong Bad what he's "doing" (sound effect).
    • Homestar tells Strong Bad to take his fist back to the shop for putting deleted on backwards, despite being there and watching Strong Bad put it on himself.
  • Email lunch special — Homestar sees Bubs flying and treats the sight like a movie effect, declaring he can "totally see the strings."
  • Email haircut — Homestar tells Strong Bad he can't cut his hair, at which point it's revealed Strong Bad was talking to the King of Town. Furthermore, Strong Bad points out he doesn't even have hair by calling him "baldy".
  • Email theme park — Homestar spent three thousand dollars on Strong Bad's Riverquest Safariventure.
  • Email replacement — Homestar and the rest of the cast try out to be Strong Bad's replacement when he retires.
    • Homestar responds to all names he's told to make fun of with "crapface".
    • When told to kick The Cheat, Homestar winds up for a kick, but then says "crapface".
    • During the dance contest, Homestar sings instead.
  • Email dangeresque 3 — Homestar forgets his line about Perducci's location mid-shot and mispronounces "Tatsumaki Senpukyaku" as "The pipes are broken".
  • Email pom pom
    • Homestar thinks that a website had the top level domain of .egg or .muffin despite such things being impossible at the time.
    • Homestar doesn't react to Strong Bad's repeated pin prodding, even when he starts drawing blood.
    • When blindfolded Strong Bad asks Homestar is he's Pom Pom Homestar responds "Yeah, it's me".
    • Homestar thinks the blood from the multiple pin pricks on his chin are really bad zits.
  • Email crying — Homestar cries hysterically at the sight of Strong Bad's drawings of Li'l Brudder and Tendafoot, and talks to them as if they're real.
  • Email the facts
    • Homestar points in the wrong direction to speak to Strong Bad and when he faces the right way, calls him Pom Pom.
    • Homestar whispers because "baby Strong Sad" is sleeping.
    • Homestar thinks that a show made of "disgusting little chit-chats" would be a number one hit.
  • Email time capsule — Homestar wants to put a "gross old wig" into Strong Bad's time capsule and when turned down, makes his own time box so the people of the future know that he had a "gross old wig".
  • Email extra plug — Homestar watches a picture of Andy Griffith's face taped to the TV and is the only person to think Strong Bad's ridiculous 'lectric Boots are cool.
  • Email montage — Homestar is defeated when the Wagon Fulla Pancakes drops its handle on his foot and lies there defeated well into the night.
  • Email virus — As viruses tear about the website:
    • Homestar attempts to fix Strong Bad's computer by taking words out of the Nav Bar.
    • Because the virus made Bubs's shotgun look like Homestar's leg, Homestar thinks that the shotgun is his actual leg when things go back to normal.
  • Email animal — Homestar asks Monstrosity if he "know[s] the times".
  • Email radio — Homestar wears Marzipan's tote bag on his head.
  • Email part-time job — Strong Bad checks his email in Marzipan's kitchen while hiding from Homestar.
    • Homestar declares the tennis ball he has is his new invention, the Super Question Machine.
    • Homestar responds to Strong Bad's stage whispers, not realizing Strong Bad is there.
    • Homestar thinks that Tito the Tophaticent is a great new invention and an amazing undersea epic.
  • Email dreamail — Homestar interrupts Strong Bad's imagination to give him his pocket lint.
  • Email origins — Homestar at one point did bread sing-a-longs at The Stick.
    • Homestar keeps singing even as The Cheat beats him with a massive chain.
    • Homestar continues his bread sing-a-longs at night, oblivious to Marzipan glued to Homsar.
  • Email secret recipes
    • Homestar calls Sour Cream and The Cheat Hair ice cream.
    • Homestar spits out the "ice cream" in disgust upon being told by Marzipan that it's cottage cheese and The Cheat hair— because he had thought it was sour cream and The Cheat hair.
    • Homestar's Diaper Pie prank food is a pine cone in a bowl with a straw and a sign saying it's not a "Pime Cone".
    • Strong Bad tricks Homestar into eating the pine cone at which point Homestar declares, "So long, suckers!" Strong Bad observes: "It's like, even when we win, he wins."
  • Email long pants — The question of Homestar's pants is addressed.
    • Homestar responds to Strong Bad's abridged email by putting on daisy dukes to get light globes.
    • Homestar hysterically overreacts to Strong Bad's comment that he appears to wear no pants.
    • Homestar is surprised to learn that Marzipan is not a broom.
  • Email rampage — Homestar hits himself in the face with a gavel.
  • Email garage sale
    • The Cheat steals Homestar while ransacking his house. Instead of resisting, Homestar gives him advice on what's valuable.
    • In the Easter egg, Homestar does a sales pitch for himself, buys himself and then buys twelve of himself, in that order.
  • Email do over — Homestar swaps places with The Cheat in Strong Bad's imagination.
    • During the sisters redo, Homestar starts falling for Strong Bad.
  • Email boring (really) — Homestar has trouble keeping his eyes closed.
  • Email bottom 10 — Homestar shows off his bottom through a Butt Dance that causes Strong Bad to puke.
  • Email record book — Homestar's redneck jokes are barely even jokes.
  • Email geddup noise — Homestar once again switches between hosting a talk show and a game show.
  • Email space program — Homestar has trouble putting on a sweater and when repelled by "Strap" declares he should have asked the Italian space program for help.
  • Email portrait — Homestar thinks Strong Bad having a marquee stuck around his head is a new haircut.
  • Email death metal — Homestar follows Strong Bad's advice for joining a death metal band but thinks he's applying for a Jazz ensemble.
  • Email secret identity — Homestar has apparently paid for his motel room twice.
  • Email technology — Homestar buys four "wireless extension cords".
  • Email narrator — Homestar responds to Marzipan's comment that his chef's hat makes him look like a dork by saying she looks like an enormous alien cow, greatly offending her.
  • Email myths & legends — Homestar thinks that Pom Pom is literally his dog.
  • Email lady fan — Homestar keeps doing exercise routines through out the email, telling Strong bad to "Twees it out."
  • Email disconnected — Homestar calls Head Bad "Eggman".
  • Email candy product — Homestar is dumb enough to steal a pair of half eaten choco-pants.
  • Email alternate universe — Homestar uses Strong Bad's alternate universe portal to make a fruit smoothie, oblivious to all the alternate Strong Bads he is summoning.
  • Email senior prom
    • Homestar mistakes Coach Z for a woman called Deborah and thinks "she" is a couple with Strong Sad.
    • Homestar insists that Strong Bad's prank made his pants poof away despite looking exactly the same afterwards.
  • Email isp — Homestar provides unhelpful tech support to Strong Bad.
    • Homestar calls him "ma'am".
    • Homestar "transfers" Strong Bad's call by pretending to be hold music.
    • Homestar tries to get Strong Bad's home address to send him his weight in sign-up CDs.
  • Email keep cool — Homestar doesn't seem to notice that he's possibly broken Strong Bad's spine.
  • Email theme song — The "bludgeon you over the head with the blunt end of the show's premise" version of the theme song contains the lyrics, "there's nobody dumber than Homestar Runner"; during which Homestar smashes through the table, produces a sandwich of white bread and light bulbs and takes a bite of it.
  • Email road trip — Homestar mistakes Strong Bad and The Cheat for a couple making out and tries to find a meltshake he left a month ago.
  • Email trading cards
    • Homestar is proud to receive butt pats from Coach Z and is saddened to learn that butt patting is not part of the school curriculum.
    • Strong Bad makes his own trading cards out of sticky notes to get Homestar out of his hair. Strong Bad wonders how many times he's had to do so in the past to which Homestar answers, 35.
  • Email cliffhangers — Homestar thinks he's a pregnant woman until Strong Sad tells him otherwise.
  • Email retirement — After helping Strong Bad blow up the Tandy 400, Homestar pours Mountain Dew over his carpet.
  • Email coloring — Homestar is part of Marzipan's L.U.R.N. kindergarten/cult. He refers to crayons as "crowns" and is offended when Strong Bad tries to correct him.
  • Email 4 branches — When asked in an email about the stupidest things Homestar has done, said, or imagined, Strong Bad said the topic was much too broad to cover in a single email and introduced the audience to the "4 Branches of Stupid Things Homestar's done" with an example of each.
    • The House of Doing Stupid Things on National Television: On The Show AM, Homestar's make-over of the King of Town is nothing by dumping mustard over his head and the bad boyfriend he as on is himself.
    • The Bureau of Doing Stupid Things at the Office: Homestar somehow gets himself stuck in the water cooler— which somehow started with him putting up a picture in Barbados— and when Strong Bad fails to free him he cheerfully resigns himself to being stuck forever. He then seems to forget he's stuck and asks Strong Bad where they're going to lunch.
    • The Joint Sub-Committee on so Stupid it's Smart-ities: Homestar sometimes does something so dumb, it's smart. It is demonstrated by him accurately stating Coulomb's Law in response to two plus two. When Strong Sad calls him stupid, Homestar "corrects" his answer to twenty two.
    • The Boudoir of Doing Stupid Things While Inside a College Mascot Costume: The most powerful branch.
      • Homestar locks himself out of his house and sets up camp in The Jolly Dumple mascot costume.
      • Homestar cooks an empty juice box over an open fire he's set up inside the costume
      • After Coach Z warns him that the costume is made of "flame pro-tardent" Polymascotfoamalate he flashes back to an Old-Timey film reel about the material and declares what he's doing to be completely safe, right before it explodes in a fireball.
  • Email looking old
    • Homestar mistakes Homsar for himself while waiting in line for an iTem.
    • In the Easter egg, Homestar tries to buy 12 "eStrong Vague Online Investments".
  • Email strong badathlon — The champion of the Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating is Homestar Runner himself. Strong Bad says they should start putting Homestar vs Homestar fights on pay-per-view.
  • Email unnatural — Homestar upon seeing King Bubsgonzola Supreme, thinks that Bubs has turned him and the rest of the cast into ants, spending the rest of the email doing typical ant activities and believing he has six legs.
  • Email the movies — Homestar doesn't just talk during the movies, he makes conversation with the characters on screen. He also fails to notice that he's in a crater after Strong Bad blasted him with a bazooka.
  • Email your funeral — At Strong Bad's funeral Homestar fails to notice that Coach Z accidentally recorded over Strong Bad's eulogy and reads from "the book of phone" as if it was a holy book.
  • Email from work — Homestar tells Strong Bad what his dream job is despite Strong Bad telling him no multiple times.
  • Email rough copy
    • Homestar sells SB2O, Strong Bad flavored water.
    • Homestar thinks Strong Bad and The Cheat "suing" him with a water balloon pelting is the orders "violently flying in".
    • Homestar also sells Malinko Drinko, implied to be Malinko flavored water.
  • Email underlings — Homestar had a piece of cilantro stuck between his teeth for two weeks and is stunned to learn he apparently has teeth.
  • Email more armies — The Homestarmy has a booth at the Vaguely Military Career Fair.
    • Homestar tries to lead in with asking the viewer if they're good at video games, before going on a tangent about how he mixed up his Sega and the waffle iron.
    • Homestar shows the viewer a pamphlet, which is an video game instruction manual, before tearing it in half to make two pamphlets.
    • Homestar starts making a metaphor about comparing girlfriends to orange bowls and wooden spoons, before losing track and telling the viewer to get out of there for being weird.
  • Email the paper — Homestar once again tries to pour Mountain Dew on Strong Bad's computer, only to be stopped by The Paper. He tries to defend himself by saying he was pouring other soft drinks over it.
  • Email mini-golf — Homestar goes diving in the blue water claiming to have seen exotic marine life when all that's down there is cigarette butts and a bra.
  • Email original — Homestar believes that Original Bubs was real and misses him. Marzipan tells him Strong Bad made it all up, to which he retorts "You can't make up eyesight that good!"
  • Email bike thief
    • Homestar leaves his bike improperly locked to The Stick allowing Strong Bad and then Marzipan to steal his bike.
    • Homestar uses Strong Bad's advice to try and steal the Lappy 486 while Strong Bad is still looking.
  • Email pizza joint
    • Homestar thinks The Pizz is an actual pizza joint even after Strong Bad tells him it's just a front to meet girls, even to the point of getting himself hired as a delivery boy.
    • Homestar and The King of Town try to use Virtualpiz.biz to order pizza.
  • Email slumber party
    • Strong Bad tricks Homestar into playing "family card games" that destroy his house like "Find the Load Bearer" and "Bed Axe".
    • Homestar, despite living on his own and apparently being an adult, still sticks to Clapping Party instead of the "Rated M for Mature" titles.
  • Email business trip — Homestar replaces The Cheat on a business trip.
    • Homestar responds to "The Cheat".
    • Homestar gets the concepts of business trips and camping trips mixed up, having brought several tins of Pork B/W Beans.
    • Homestar smuggles two tins on the soles of his feet past airport security, leaving several divots in the field as he walks.
    • Homestar wears several lanyards at once.
    • Homestar still thinks he's on a camping trip, noting to find dry twigs for kindling and getting scared of bears.
  • Email yes, wrestling — Strong Bad recalls his wrestling history with Homestar:
    • During his first weigh in, Homestar (as The Jack 'Em Up Kid) gets the name of Strong Bad's current wrestling persona wrong, calling him el Photgrapher rather than il Cartographer.
    • Homestar pulls the waistband of his pants over his head.
    • Homestar's tag partner, Gary the Legend, is imaginary.
    • In the Easter egg, Homestar gets Strong Bad's costume wrong much like he usually does on Halloween.
  • Email nightlife — Homestar sleepwalks into Club Technochocolate thinking he's a girl scout. In the Easter egg, he eats a kazoo.
  • Email enviroment — Homestar keeps thinking he's about to win the game he's playing, despite not having a cartridge in the machine.
  • Email winter pool — Homestar and Strong Bad fill the pool with red gelatin.
    • Homestar chose to get paid for the Fully Puff commercials he did in Fluffy Puff Translucent Dessert Related Substance rather than a million dollars in cash, noting that the million dollars wouldn't have half filled the pool.
    • Homestar says "you three" when it's him, Strong Bad and Strong Sad.
    • Homestar assumes that gelatin will naturally attract an oiled up Bill Cosby.
    • As Homestar and Strong Bad suffocate at the bottom of the gelatin-filled pool, Homestar asks Strong Bad to preserve his body in red gelatin.
  • Email fan club — Homestar breaks character during Strong Sad's fan fic, mistaking Strong Sad's narration for his own Strong Sad impression.
  • Email pet show — Marzipan enters Homestar in a pet show.
    • Homestar tries to dump relish on Strong Bad's foot, an apparently frequent occurrence Strong Bad refers to as "Relish Foot."
    • When entered as "Fluffle's Buffles Scruffle's Truffles Homestar Runner", Homestar claims his friends call him "Scruffles".
  • Email licenced — Homestar buys an unlicensed unlicensed Strong Bad pinata from Bubs and finds out it's full of broken glass the hard way, with glass shards embedded his face. He is completely unfazed by it, saying it it was still his best birthday ever.
    • In the Easter egg, Homestar once again mistakes an inflated The Cheat for an ugly bird.
  • Email shapeshifter — Homestar enters Strong Bad's computer room with a chessboard covered in ice cream and sprinkles.
  • Email specially marked — Homestar gets Crack Stuntman's name wrong.
  • Email love poems — Homestar's love poem appears to be his grocery list.
  • Email hiding — Strong Bad distracts Homestar with games of Hide n'.
    • Homestar calls The Cheat "The Squeak" and offers to make 15 cents come true.
    • In a previous game of Hide n', Homestar hid in the bathtub in the Bathroom of the Brothers Strong since last spring, including when Strong Bad took at least three baths.
    • Homestar frequently falls for cage traps baited with Fluffy Puff Marshmallows and Melonade.
    • Homestar plays the seeker in an actual game of Hide n' Seek, spending six weeks looking for Strong Bad only to fall for Strong Bad's poorly constructed animatronic and proceeds to argue with it as Strong Bad himself walks by.
  • Email magic trick — Strong Bad puts on a magic show to saw Homestar in half.
    • Homestar exclaims "What magic!" after Strong Bad explained that he'll definitely not do any magic in his "street magic" performance.
    • Homestar corroborates Strong Bad's statement that they've never met before, calling him "good buddy" while doing so.
    • Homestar's fake arms come loose, freaking out Coach Z in the audience.
  • Email being mean — Homestar seems oblivious to Strong Bad knocking him and his ice cream down, continuing to lick it.
  • Email email thunder — Homestar turns out to have had his own email show all along.
    • Homestar's erratic behavior in email long pants turns out to be the result of Homestar taking Strong Sad's medication.
    • Homestar flashes back to dressing up as Coach Z. The disguise is very well done, with the exception of an inexplicable tiger tail and wearing Strong Bad's Fondue Pot on his head.
    • Strong Bad is able to distract Homestar away from his computer by asking him to give a tour of "not-in-front-of-your-computer".
    • In the Easter egg, Homestar walks in an Strong Bad pouring Mountain Dew on his computer and asks him how he made it spark.
  • Email hremail3184 — Strong Bad brings the hremail era to a close, by force.
    • Homestar thinks the Garden Weasel is an actual weasel and is oblivious to the damage it has done to his face.
    • Homestar sends an email thanking Strong Bad for loaning him his rake.
  • Email independent — Homestar got paid to star in Strong Sad's independent film for Monopoly money.
  • Email dictionary — Homestar gets stuck in an endless see also loop, thinking he's playing a choose-your-own-adventure book.
  • Email videography — Homestar commissions Strong Bad's skills as a videographer to make "Video Evidence of Homestar & Marzipan's 2nd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, and 10th Anniversary Celebration!!!" and acts very poorly trying to pass him self off as a "lavish gift giver".
  • Email sbemail 206 — Strong Bad and Homestar Runner discuss April Fools on the internet.
    • Homestar forgets that the website is a Flash Cartoon website from 2002.
    • Homestar is implied to have inserted a baby into machinery some time in the past.
    • Homestar mistakes the Dangeresque 4÷2=6 trailer for a real movie despite having acted in it, wanting to share it on Google Buzz in spite of the service no longer existing.
    • Homestar wants a Trogdor arm backpack in order to have three arms.
    • Homestar mixes up Google Wave and the GameCube Wavebird controller.
    • After Homestar says no-one falls for real life pranks, Strong Bad introduces a mirror as Homestar's long lost brother. Homestar tries to give a three armed hug to Chauncey and smashes into the mirror, embedding glass in his face.
  • Email too cool — Homestar mistakes Senor Cardgage's disturbing character video for an R-Rated movie, declaring himself to now be a man.

[edit] Marzipan's Answering Machine

  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2 — After leaving a message breaking up with Marzipan, Homestar tries to correct the error by replacing her answering machine tape with a fake one where he poorly imitates the usual calls Marzipan gets, including one of himself.
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 10.2 — Strong Bad tries to teach Homestar the art of prank calls.
    • Attempt 1: Homestar greets Pom Pom instead of Marzipan.
    • Attempt 2: Homestar's fake identity is Homestar.
    • Attempt 3: Homestar's second fake identity is Strong Bad, which Strong Bad quickly and loudly vetoes.
    • Attempt 4: Homestar's final fake identity is "Sugarface", putting Strong Bad at a loss on how to proceed. Homestar tries improvising a threat and finished it in song, causing Strong Bad to cancel the six week course on prank calls they had planned. Homestar still considers it the second best $500 he ever spent.
    • The Easter egg shows that Homestar stole Marzipan's credit card to buy a $500 race car bed and signed with a little doodle of himself.
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 11.2 — Homestar forgets that Marzipan isn't actually there when leaving a message and he takes the machine's beep as an answer for a crossword.
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 12.2 — Homestar creates the alias Boyfriend Dan for himself, then immediately forgets it's him and threatens "Boyfriend Dan" as the Goatface Killa.
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 13.2 — Homestar tries sending a text to Marzipan's Answering Machine on a banana.
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 14.2 — Homestar believes he's drowning in quicksand and calls Marzipan for help. He's seen stuck in a kiddie pool full of sand late at night in the Easter egg.
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 15.2 — Homestar pretends to talk to Marzipan on the phone so that "a hot blonde" won't hit on him, oblivious to the fact said blonde is Marzipan herself.
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 16.2 — When Strong Sad briefly takes over Marzipan's Answering Machine
    • Homestar mistakes Strong Sad's voice for Marzipan.
    • Homestar mixes up fine, as in good, for fine, as in money.
    • It's revealed that Homestar's message is actually him standing near the answering machine blathering, to the shock of Strong Sad.
    • When Strong Sad interrupts, Homestar mistakes Strong Sad for Marzipan wearing a new skin. When Strong Sad corrects him, Homestar turns it around into an insult and then tells "her" to call him.
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 17.2 — Over the seven years Marzipan left her Answering Machine:
    • Homestar again tries to send a text message to the answering machine, this time with emoji.
    • Homestar talks about various crazes such as planking and the Ouya convinced they'll be around forever.
    • Homestar mistakenly believes that Canseco and Jaleco produce games consoles.
    • Homestar has been having an affair with Marzipan's sister and accidentally calls Marzipan's number instead of her sister's.

[edit] Powered by The Cheat

  • The Cheat Theme Song — Homestar Runner thinks the music video was a video game.
  • Fish Eye Lens — Homestar breaks the rap song video by suggesting to point the Fish Eye Lens at a real fish eye.

[edit] Games

You've got Homespam.
  • Homestar Ruiner
    • Menu
      • Homestar thinks Strong Bad's "Quit it!" is directed at him.
      • Upon selecting "Settings" Homestar sometimes forget his line.
    • Track Outdoors
      • Homestar is oblivious to Strong Bad's intention to pummel him.
      • Homestar kicks his cellphone away in frustration, allowing Strong Bad to steal it.
    • Locker Room
      • Homestar is tricked into wearing onion deodorant by Strong Bad.
      • When Homestar realises he now smells horrible, he immediately strips for the shower in front of Strong Bad, barely giving time to shield his eyes.
      • After Strong Bad steals Homestar's clothes, Homestar streaks out of the locker room.
    • House of the Brother's Strong
      • General
        • Homestar asks how many "g"s are in depression.
      • Basement
        • After Strong Bad steals Homestar's criminal record, thereby making him a free man, Homestar considers streaking again.
      • Strong Bad's Bedroom
        • Homestar hijacks the Teen Girl Squad writing table to make a 23-Volume Epic Graphic Novel Zine about a Mary-Sue stand-in for himself winning the Race to the End of the Race.
        • Homestar laments that he keeps misspelling words and making it unintentionally humorous.
        • Homestar is distracted by Strong Bad telling him to "look at that, thing... over there" allowing Strong Bad to knock Homestar in the head with the Silver Trophy of Ultimate Destiny.
        • Strong Bad convinces Homestar that he won the race in his sleep somehow, Homestar agreeing that it makes perfect sense.
      • Kitchen
        • Strong Bad tricks Homestar into thinking he sent him to Marzipan's with Chocolate-Covered Organic Packing Peanuts.
      • Party
        • Homestar agrees with Marzipan that hip-hop objectifies women, while he's break dancing to it.
        • If Strong Bad tries to reveal he was the one who won the race in Homestar's stead, Homestar thinks it's a joke.
        • Homestar leads a conga line over a banana peel, out the window and down a 20 foot drop.
  • Strong Badia the Free
    • Protest Rally
      • Homestar forgets what the protest rally is for, occasionally chanting "Save the Bats" or "I want a Soda".
      • Homestar thinks Strong Bad's line about an ugly misshapen stick is about Marzipan rather than the bare-bones effigy.
      • Homestar doesn't figure that he is one of the targets of Strong Bad's idiot filter, rendering his reminder emails useless.
      • Upon the effigy's completion, Homestar mistakes it for the actual King of Town.
      • Strong Bad tricked Homestar into blowing the Homestarmy's entire scholarship fund on an invisible time machine.
    • The Cheat and Tirerea
      • As Strong Bad reminisces stapling a grilled cheese sandwich to Homestar's face with The Cheat that morning, Homestar walks by with said sandwich still stuck to his face, ineffectually trying to shake it off.
    • Marzistar/Homezipan
      • Homestar claims the name of his and Marzipan's shared territory is Homezipan instead of Marzistar.
      • Homestar mistakes Strong Bad for a subject of Homezipan.
      • Homestar nearly joins Strong Badia twice with little prompting before Marzipan reels him back in.
      • When Strong Bad points out that Homestar wants to join Strong Badia, Marzipan points out that Homestar is just as likely to want to join an all squirrel football league in five minutes. Less than 5 seconds later, Homestar proves her right.
      • Homestar worries The Of Town's castle undressing him with its eyes, allowing Strong Bad to get him on his side and re-form The Homestarmy.
      • When Marzipan asks if Homestar is planning to restart the Homestarmy, Homestar denies it while accidentally calling Marzipan Lieutenant and then Corporal before correcting himself.
      • The only real people on Homestar's Draft Wheel are himself and Coach Z, the rest being kitchen appliances and Li'l Brudder.
        • If the wheel lands on Li'l Brudder, Homestar starts hysterically crying again, wondering out loud why he even put him on the board in the first place.
        • If the wheel lands on Homestar Runner, Homestar alternates between trying to draft himself and resisting until Strong Bad points out he can't draft himself.
      • After Homestar and Marzipan break up Homestar divides the territory into East Marzistar (the house and front garden) and East Homezipan (back garden).
      • When Marzipan asks why Homestar doesn't start a country at his house Homestar refuses because there's a squirrel in his attic that he sometimes mistakes for a ghost.
    • The Castle
      • Homestar does a faux letter-from-soldier tale, greatly embellishing the attack on the castle.
      • After hearing said narration, Marzipan tells Homestar to not be stupid, to which Homestar cheerily says "ok".
      • When Marzipan points out it was like the King of Town wanted to give up, Homestar misses the hint that something's up.
      • Marzipan leaves to protest Homestar/everything he stands for, Homestar cheerily tells her to call him.
      • Homestar calls King Strong Bad "Your Travesty".
      • Homestar claims no-one runs out on the Homestarmy, they get dishonorably discharged for running out on the Homestarmy.
      • Homestar declares he doesn't know the meaning of the word "surrender", literally.
    • Maps and Minions
      • Homestar runner pronounces chief as it is written (chi-ef) and declares they'll find the "rebel-rebels".
  • Baddest of the Bands
    • Club Technochocolate
      • Homestar keeps forgetting his lines for "Food Related Love", forcing Strong Bad to assist with visual aids.
      • Homestar thinks "sixteenth century samurai sword" almost rhymes with "too".
    • PomStar Stage
      • Because of Homestar's terrible memory, Pop Pom feeds him the lyrics through a radio headset.
      • Homestar repeats everything that comes through his headset, allowing Strong Bad to rig up the Drive-Thru Whale with an antennae to ruin his performance.
      • In Extended Play, Homestar is still performing on stage a month later.
    • Cool Tapes Stage
      • After PomStar is sabotaged but before Cool Tapes has been sabotaged, Homestar reflects that Pom Pom's walkie-talkie scheme was a terrible idea as Homestar declares he can walk and talk all by himself at least half the time.
      • After Cool Tapes is sabotaged but before PomStar has been sabotaged, Homestar tells Strong Bad not to interrupt him as he's busy turning against his girlfriend.
    • DÖI Stage
      • Homestar curses the letters "e" and "t" for making him not as cool as Homsar.
  • Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective
    • Smokey Office
      • Homestar (as Dangeresque Too) keeps up his hint that he should be Dangeresque's new partner when Renaldo retires after Dangeresque says he'll work alone, forcing Strong Bad to interrupt him.
      • Dangeresque Too "solves" the riddle of the trinket Dadgeresque left with the answer to a completely different riddle.
      • Homestar (as Uzi Bazooka) lists out his demands that eventually leads to Homestar breaking character and listing things he personally wants.
    • Helicopter Scene
      • Homestar fumbles his line "Come and get him", unsure of which word to emphasise.
      • After the scene transition, Homestar is accidentally on camera.
    • DVD Extras
      • Strong Bad pays Homestar a quarter to repaint the fence, Homestar apparently thinking it's a lot of money. Homestar believes quarters taste like butterscotch mini-burgers.
  • 8-Bit is Enough — After games and reality merge, Homestar gets stuck in Strong Bad's interface, forcing him to kill Trogdor to get rid of Homestar.
    • Pre-Containment Field Collapse
      • Homestar wants to play the rampaging TROGDOR! arcade machine but refuses to leave in case his lucky quarter comes back and is left alone, apparently thinking it's a small child.
      • Homestar hints that he at least once tried to eat the fruit on screen.
      • Strong Bad figures out Homestar swallowed his lucky quarter when Coach Z bet him he couldn't catch it in his mouth, Homestar denies it.
      • If tricked into approaching the arcade machine early, Homestar ducks under a punch because "[his] foot is untied".
      • When Strong Bad's Taranchula Black Metal Detector shows that Homestar swallowed his lucky quarter he vehemently denies it, also adding it didn't taste like butterscotch.
      • In a effort to prove Strong Bad wrong, he grabs the metal detector to look for it and gets himself punched in the back of the head by the arcade cabinet.
      • After being reunited with his lucky quarter, Homestar plays the game while it's pummelling him, even complimenting it on a good hit.
    • Hints
      • Homestar thinks that brains make the noise "THINK! THIIINK!"
      • Homestar mistakes Marzipan possessed by Lady Crate Ape for Marzipan abusing Total Load.
      • Homestar mistakes the sbemail japanese cartoon for one of his hremails.
    • The Field (Post-Merging)
      • After Strong Bad compares Homestar's window to a pop-up ad, Homestar starts acting like one.
      • Homestar mistakes Marzipan processed by Lady Crate Ape for Marzipan having an episode, leading him to halfheartedly trying to agree with whatever she's saying and then insulting her for missing him with a crate.
    • House of the Brothers Strong
      • Upon seeing the ghost sprites, Homestar says he'll wait in the van with The Cheat, to which Strong Bad points out they don't have a van and he wishes it was that easy to get rid of Homestar.
      • Homestar once used Strong Bad's light musket to stir his tea.
      • Homestar says Ghost Photography is no joke and that Strong Bad can also take pictures that look like he sneezed on them.
    • Videlectrix Mainframe
      • Homestar forgets he was there when Strong Bad declared his intention to kill Trogdor.
      • When Strong Bad is looking for something red and see through Homestar nearly shows him a skimpy negligee before Strong Bad shoots the idea down.
    • Halfathlon
      • Strong Bad jokes about Homestar swimming laps in molten lava before Homestar pops up, not only confirming he wants to but that he had a similar experience with an acid pool.
    • Gel-Arshie's Backstage
      • Homestar mistakes Gel-arshie repeating the kill part of kill screen to be the full name of kill kill kill screen.
      • Homestar then asks Strong Bad why the sky is blue randomly.
    • Peasantry
      • Homestar cooks and eats several video game food pickups lying around the interface.
      • Homestar again acts like a pop-up ad.
      • Strong Bad is less scared of Munchox the Devourer, than Homestar's mangling of "Devourer".
      • Homestar gets "toothpaste" and "Trog-Sword" mixed up.
      • Homestar removes a screw from his pop-up window, causing it come loose and then crash to the ground.
    • Trogdor's Lair
      • Homestar repeats Strong Bad's mission objectives, right after Strong Bad had just finished recapping them himself.
      • Homestar turned down a merchant selling him a bloodstone, which would reveal Trogdor's weak points.
      • Homestar stops escaping to save his game, even as said game is collapsing all around him.

[edit] Others

  • Where My Hat Is At? — Homestar Runner left his hat in the Fridge.
  • A Jumping Jack Contest
    • Homestar is tricked into drinking 147 glasses of melonade by The Cheat and Strong Mad in an attempt to get him to drop out of the contest.
    • Homestar is easily fooled by the disguises worn by Strong Mad, The Cheat and Strong Bad.
  • First Time Here? — Homestar repeatedly flubs his introduction to the website.
    • Homestar does one take in Spanish for no discernible reason.
    • Homestar shows up to one take (randomly chosen) as a clown/a witch/a sailor/buck naked, seemingly unaware that he changed.
    • After 126 takes, Strong Bad's patience tuns out and he takes over.
  • Main Page 16 — Homestar makes no attempt to get out of the snow pile he's stuck in.
  • Broken Compy Menu — Homestar complains to Bubs about the Concession Stand, despite Bubs not being there.
    • When Bubs returns Homestar claims he was talking to nobody, then everybody, then Strong Mad. When Bubs asks where Strong Mad went, Homestar claims he flew away.
    • Bubs sells the "slightly shotgunned" Compy 386 to Homestar as a "low priced automobile".
  • Tis True, Pom Pom, Tis True — In this unfinished toon:
    • After being knocked on the head by The Cheat, Homestar starts believing himself to be a minstrel in the past.
    • According to the end screen, Homestar snaps out of it when Marzipan says she's going to marry him, and he then says she has a big butt.
  • Main Page 22 — Homestar cheers when his head floats off his body.
  • Main Page 23 — Homestar fails to notice himself walking by in the foreground to be anything unusual.
  • Flashforward
    • Homestar mistakes the name of the conference for "Flashback" and spends the presentation flashing back to other conferences he and Strong Bad have given presentations at.
    • Homestar and Strong Bad's exit from the stage is hampered by the imaginary elevator breaking.
  • Flash's 10th Birthday — Homestar mistakes Flash's Birthday for Photoshop's Happy Days reunion.
  • Why Come Only One Girl
    • Those Darn Cousins — Homestar claims to always get "I'm waiting for my cousins to get here" mixed up with "None of your business, stupid".
    • Upon learning The Hurricane's debut was cancelled probably because a new The Legend of Zelda game came out, Homestar curses Ganondorf and catches Marzipan in a bottle like a fairy.
  • Halloween Awards show
    • Homestar is stunned to learn that Marzipan was dressed as Joey Ramone and that he was dressed up as The Greatest American Hero.
    • Homestar thinks he's about to win long after Strong Bad has been declared the winner and everyone has left.
  • Main Page 24 — Homestar asks the viewer how many fingers he's holding up, oblivious to the impossibility.
  • SBCG4AP Gameplay Trailer — In addition to his usual flat acting
    • Homestar mistakes the Wii Remote for a futuristic candy bar.
    • Homestar declares he got so excited, he forgot everything Strong Bad said.
    • Homestar takes a bite out of the Wii Remote, still thinking it's a candy bar.
  • Hremail 62
    • In the intro Homestar in silhouette refers to himself as a knock-kneed weightlifter.
    • Homestar refers to himself in silhouette as a separate person, calling him "Silhouette".
    • Homestar refers to the sender as "Doctor" despite no such title appearing in the message.
    • The name of Homestar's museum, the Homestar Runner "Bechieve to Alieve" Foundation, is a spoonerism.
    • Said "foundation" is a drawer in Homestar's house.
    • Homestar flashes back to colonial times where he used a quill to tickle his face and spilled the contents of a "Sloppy Joseph" on his old star.
    • Homestar plans on opening Homestar Dinoland, apparently another drawer.
    • Homestar forces the announcer to pronounce "drawer" in the exact same way he does.
  • Hremail 2000 — Homestar talks about repairing old shoes.
    • In the intro Homestar in silhouette refers to himself as a breakout album.
    • When the lights come on, Homestar again refers to his silhouette as a separate person, this time calling him "shadow self", promising to do battle later.
    • Homestar calls binder clips "cow clips" and makes moo-ing noises with one.
    • To distract Marzipan from the fact his shoes are falling apart Homestar puts on a puppet show, using the loose soles as the character's mouths.
    • Homestar suggests putting larger socks and shoes on over old shoes to disguise them, adding you may want to add another sock/shoe layer for safety.
  • Hremail 7 — Homestar talks about his favourite drinks.
    • As a national spokesmodel for the Ethical Advancement of Melonade, Homestar entered a highly constrictive contract that prevents him from drinking, talking about, or bathing in any other liquids for at least three years.
    • Homestar pours powdered throat closer Melonade directly to his esophagus nearly choking him, while he claims it's good stuff.
    • Homestar ends the hremail cheerily singing about bathing in Melonade and how it stings his skin.
  • SBCG4AP Collector's DVD — During the credits Homestar introduces himself as Strong Bad, before correcting himself, and gives out a fake cheat code to play as himself.
  • Punkin Stencils — From the 2009 update onward, Homestar offers commentary on certain stencils.
    • The Umpire: Homestar doubts that The Umpire or Strong Sad exist.
    • Nebulon: Homestar is confused as to whether the Main Pages actually happened or not.
    • Sterrance: Homestar, annoyed that something Strong Bad made up got a pumpkin, makes his own character out of a crumpled up ball of paper called "Paper Crumple Man". He then proceeds to lose track on which voice is Paper Crumple Man's and which is his.
    • Li'l Brudder: Homestar chides the audience for expecting him to cry again, only to break down sobbing while doing so.
    • The Goblin: Homestar recalls the time he carved The Goblin into his pumpkin and then left it until Easter to get green and mouldy, earning him two fines from the city.
    • Homsar: Homestar tries to clear up the confusion between Homsar and himself only to get confused himself.
    • Homestar: Homestar recalls posing for the stencil in July, only to remember that he was actually posing for it while he had jelly in his eye. He then suggests the viewer fill their pumpkin with jelly too.
    • The Jolly Dumple: Homestar forgets the mascot's name, thinking it's "Tongue-o Drippo, the square blind colonist man.".
    • Marzipan: Homestar tries temping the viewer into making the Marzipan carving's butt bigger, and then to do the same to the carving of him.
    • Marshie: Homestar recalls when he carved Marshie into his pumpkin and it started talking to him, only to reveal it gave good advice to win big in business.

[edit] Stupid Things Homestar's Said

"Oh, I am Homestar, and this is a website!"

[edit] Big Toons

  • Where's the Cheat? — "Hey, stupid! I brought you this stuff! Oh, I mean, I brought you this veggie burger."
  • Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon
    • "Only you can prevent scouting! Boy, do we need forest fires!"
    • "Homestar Runner? Sounds like a no-goodnik to me!"
  • Bug in Mouth Disease — "Sir or madam, are you all right? Do you need medical resistance?"
  • Weclome Back — "Now, what's this I hear about some of you guys sleeping through June? I'll let it slide this time, but June-sleepers will not be tolerated from this day henceforth."
  • Date Nite
    • "Whoa-ho, Marzipan! You look like a fox's mother!"
    • "I can't believe you're The Cheating on me!"
    • " Ah, good evening, ungodly couple. My name is Waiter, I will be your Homestar for this evening. Can I start you two off with a glass of "Breaking Up", or perhaps "Never Seeing Each Other Again" with capers?"
    • "Why, yes, The Cheat, I would be comfortable with you "cleaning my clock"! Thanks for asking first!"
    • "And now you've come crawlin' back to the ol' fox's father!"
  • Career Day — "Umm, teacher, if spaceman makes bafroom in his pants, does he go boom?"
  • Kick-A-Ball
    • "Pom Pom, you have been and always will be my dog, but today, I gotta play the strategy card. I'm goin' with Pom Pom."
    • "Let's see, let's see. Who's good in the field? Ooh! I'll take Pom Pom! Surprised he hasn't been snatched up yet!"
    • "You couldn't kick your way out of lookin' at a thing in a bag!"
  • Homestar Runner Goes For the Gold — "Oh, man, Strong Bad. You're not gonna believe this thing! Wait 'till you see this thing! This thing is gonna change your life! Blow your mind! Wipe your nose!"

[edit] Shorts

  • Fluffy Puff Commercial
    • "Before I drink a tall glass of melonade, I like to eat about 147 Flushy Push Marfmallows. Seriously folks, they're—"
    • "Before I drink something, oftentimes I eat something too."
    • "Before I drink 147 glasses of melonade, I eat 147 Fluffity Puffity Marshalades."
    • "Before I eat a tall slice of marmalade I like to drink lots and lots of marshmallows. I mean Fluffy Puffies."
  • Arcade Game — "Man, that's one big adding machine."
  • Lookin at a Thing in a Bag — "Hey Homestar! Whatcha doin'? Oh, you know, hanging out with the guys. Hey guys, this is the life, right?"
  • TrogdorCon '97 — "Hey, you got it! First try! Was it my star or propeller cap that gave it away?"
  • Sick Day — "Strong Bad, my burps smell really bad."
  • No Hands on Deck
    • "Yeah, it's pretty legit. I was thinking about writing a musical about it too. Maybe call it, "My Good/Great Deck"."
    • "'Kipedia said vulcanized was the way to go. But I dang old knew better. Galvanized, galvanized, galvanized, that's what I always say! {as Cardboard Marzipan} Homestar, are you using galvanized nails to hide the fact that you don't know how to build a deck?"
  • Quality Time
    • " Marzipan? Marzipan? Can you let me out now? I'm pretty sure there's no cake in here. It's been about three weeks now, and you'd think I would have found it. All I've been able to find in here is some coats, and a broom. Unless it's a broomcake! Is it a broomcake? Ooh, let's try this broomcake."
    • "Uh, Marzipan? This is a really bad broomcake. Ptooey! Can you let me out, please? Oh, wait—coatcake?"
  • Play Date — " You know, this is exactly what I thought you had in mind. Not sure why I agreed to it."
  • The Baloneyman — "Strong Sad, you've had some bad ideas in your time. But this is the best idea you've ever had! You'll make millions!"
  • Place ya bets! — "I dunno nuttin' about nuttin'!"
  • Best Caper Ever
    • "Ooh, I know! I can pretend one leg is shorter than the other again."
    • "Okay! Bye, bloated sea lion carcass! {singsong} Thanks for stopping by! Marzipan, we've got to have them over more often. They are a riot!"
    • "All right. At this point, I'm willing to admit that maybe, just maybe, this isn't Marzipan's new patio."
  • Donut Unto Others
    • "Hey there, doughnut rush. What can I get for you?"
    • "Marzipan raves "Hey! Get outta my kitchen, you!""
    • "Ah! My face! My delicious fried face!"
  • 79 Seconds Left — "Oh, Strong Bad! It's like my cow lamp and your tape leg had a baby in my brain and just came out my mouth! There, there, little guy. Daddy's here."
  • Where My Hat Is At? (Toon)
    • "Or under this auto that I always all the time drive around. And call an auto."
    • "Um, are you suggesting that my hat is inside my hat? [...] Well good, 'cause I already looked and it's not there."
    • "Man, Mr. Umpire, you sure have a funny way of pronouncing — Homestar Runner's team wins!"
  • Flash is Dead!
    • "Are those hills? I always thought they was bushes. [...] But actually, I never walked a couple of feet to find out for sure."
    • "Ooh, I know what that stands for! Hyper-Text Markup Lotion! Let me poop a little bit out for you."
    • "Strong Bad, this is Morgan Shawshank, I need you to hit that meteor with every Duvall you've got."

[edit] Holiday Toons

"Beep! Beep! Beep! Your eternity alarm's going off."
  • 3 Times Halloween Funjob — "And somebody's a-grabbin' a-my butt."
  • Happy Hallow-day — "Homestar Runner, you are a genius! {Turns around} Thank you, Doug. {Turns back around} So tell us what you're doing here. {Turns around} Well, it occurred to me that no Halloween Night could resist these orange and black flavored loose tooth remover candies."
  • Jibblies 2
    • "Marzipan! I'm done not answering the phone! Do you still need me to answer the phone?"
    • "We're snowed in again!"
    • "So... is it eternity yet? I think it is eternity already. Oops, it's five past eternity. You better let me go. Beep, beep, beep! Your eternity alarm is going off; it's probably time to send me home."
  • A Decemberween Mackerel
    • "Oh, Marzipan! Is that you? I'm wearing a sweater made out of mistletoe! And what feels like a colony of venomous bugs!"
    • {disappointed} "And nobody's dying."
  • Which Ween Costumes? — "What are you talking about? We stand around in the snow dressed in Decemberween-themed costumes every year. It's our thing! It's what we do!"
  • April Fool 2014
    • "Oh, hello, Debra! {turns to the side} Simone! {angrily leans into the camera} The Internet!"
    • "This one from Cherry G. makes the back of my head look like some kind of bold eagle. {laughing} Huh-huh-huh-huh! He's so bold in his... in his decision making! Oh-ho! He's our national bold!"
    • "Ha ha ha ha ha! Who puts a period after the letter P?!"
    • "I've been kinda like living inside of a bag. Like a duffel bag. [...] Yeah, yeah, I know, it's— it's great! It's got, like, a zipper. And... some straps. Maybe some kind of fungus growing in it. So basically, you know, top of my game!"
  • I Killed Pom Pom
    • "Oh man, Pom Pom, this Halloween is gonna be the Christmas ball! Hot tricks, cool treats, good friends, and MURDER!"
    • "What? Murder? Nah, that doesn't sound like something I would say. I was probably talking about the crisp cool air, the fallen leaves dappling the MURDER!"
    • "Nah, man, you're hearing things. I was just talking about MURDER. And, you know, like this time of year sometimes there's a little bit of MURDER, and maybe a little bit of MURDER. But I would never say anything about — WAH! Murder!"
    • "You can't be dead! You're my best friend and concubine! Oh, I should really look up what that word means!"
    • "Oh, Strong Bad, I think my evil jealous side secretly killed Pom Pom without even telling my dopey lovable side!"
    • "No way, Unckie Strong Bad, you guys have shown me the light! It's time to fight murder with... murder!"
  • The House That Gave Sucky Tricks — "Why is he wearing cycling gear? He's not even that serious about riding!"
  • Later That Night
    • "Bubs! Bubs! Bubs! Bubs! Bubs! I really like your American Hot Sauce Businessman Metallica costume and don't-deny-that-that's-what-it-is-'cause-that's-obviously-what-it-is-and-there's-no-alternative."
    • "Hi Coach Z. Please rescue me so I don't die in here."

[edit] Strong Bad Emails

  • Email credit card — "Dear Superfied Credit Union, You've got the same e-mail address as my friend Strong Bad! Anyway, here's my credit card information:"
  • Email helium — "Whoa, Marzipan. Check out that ugly bird. [...] No way! The Cheat is one fine-looking young man. That is an ugly bird."
  • Email 50 emails — "Uh-oh. This does not look good for Homestar Runner."
  • Email caper
    • "Hey, Strong Sad, Batman. What are you guys doing in my house?"
    • "Thanks for stopping by, you guys. Thanks for breaking my cow lamp."
  • Email army — "All right, maggot! Fall it out. Col-on-el Homestar Runner is recruiting the most elite team of crack commandos to invade Strong Badia. Do you has what it takes to join the Homestarmy? Will you bring a sack lunch and some orange slices for me and serve your country? Will you, stupid?!"
  • Email crying
    • {sobbing} "Li'l Brudder... I... I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING WITH MY LIFE! I-I'm thinking of getting into male modeling—o-or maybe high finance... I JUST DON'T KNOW!!"
    • {sobbing} "Ohh, Tendafoot! Can you tell me what to do with myself? I feel like I'm at a crossroads, and there's like, a Denny's on one corner, and an IHOP on the other!"
  • Email myths & legends — "But I was in the woods, walking my dog, Pom Pom. All of a sudden, he started growlin' and poopin' all over the place."
  • Email lady fan — "Your buttweessimo! We're gonna mold that twees into the Iron Sheik!"
  • Email senior prom — "Oh, man. My pants got so poofed away at the prom this year. So I was wearing all these types of long pants, and they just got poofed away. So embarrassing. [...] Well maybe I will keep telling myself that!"
  • Email isp
    • "{reading slowly from sheets of paper} Ma'am, please calm down. Your CD tray is not a cup holder. I cannot help you clear your browser cache. No, I'm not in India."
    • "All right, I can help you with that. Please hold while I transfer you to someone who can help you with that."
    • "{singing} Doo doot. Tch. Doo doo dit. Tch. Doot doo doot. Tch. It's the hold music, do doot. Tch. Pa doo doot. Tch. Boodoo doo doot. Tch. {high pitched voice} Hold music!"
    • "Thank you for holding. Your call is very unportant to us."
  • Email cliffhangers
    • "I'm... pregnant!"
    • "Oohhhh, phew. Thought I was a pregnant woman for a second there."
  • Email 4 branches
    • "Ooh! I'm a neglected official."
    • "Now isn't that a tasty makeover, lady friends? Huh? Huh?! From Drab to Fab with nothing but mustaaard!"
    • "Yeah, whatever. You know you all want some."
    • "No, but it is free...ing Homestar from the water cooler. That's pretty sweet."
    • "Sweet genius, that hurt! Oh, well, just forget it. I'll just stay in here for the rest of my life. Just stack my mail on top of me, would ya?"
    • "Well, the force between any two charges is equal to the absolute value of the multiple of the charges — divided by four pi times the vacuum permittivity times the distance squared between the two charges. [...] Oh, right, sorry! Two plus two? That's easy. Twenty-two."
    • "Moving into this mascot costume was probably the coolest and least locking-myself-out-of-my-house-enest decision I ever made!"
  • Email the movies — "You know where the real money is? Phone books."
  • Email more armies
    • "Say, you good at video games? I'm not good at video games. The last time I fired up one of my old Sega tapes, it made me a waffle."
    • "Say, you got a girlfriend? Well, what if your girlfriend was a wooden spoon and an orange plastic bowl? That'd be really weird, man. What kind of screwed-up kid are you? We don't recruit your kind! Get out of here!"
  • Email enviroment — "I'm about to win! {room darkens} Awww... {lights come on} I'm about to win! {room darkens} Awww.... {lights come on} I'm really about to win! {room darkens} Again with the awww...."
  • Email specially marked — "Blah, Strong Bad, blah! I'm a crappy Stuntman!"
  • Email hiding — "Why I've got half a mind!"
  • Email dictionary — "Man, this is the best choose my own adventure I've ever play-read!"
  • Email sbemail206
    • "But it's the day the Internet gets on the Internet to make inside jokes about the Internet!"
    • "When's it coming out?! When's it coming out?! I gotta forward this to all my peeps on Google Buzz!"
    • "I want one! Imagine me with three arms! Oooooooh! I gotta send this to all my Google Wavebirds!"
    • "Chauncey! Give us a three-armed hug!"
  • Email too cool — "This is so exciting! My first rated-R movie! Today, I am become a man!"

[edit] Marzipan's Answering Machine

"It is strong sad and strong unfortunate what happened to your face! Ooh!"
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 3.0 — "I don't know what's going on, but um... are you still my girlfriend? Press 1 for yes, or 2 for no. Oh, wait... you're not on the phone. Um, okay, then call me back later and say 1 for yes, or 2 for no. Or, or just say yes or no."
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 4.0 — "Okay, okay. So I was watching TV, right? And there was this show with this guy and he was on TV, right? Okay. And so he makes this TV joke, and it, and it was so hilarious. Okay, it was like... okay, I can't remember what it was like, but it was a TV joke, and you know how those are."
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 5.0 — "Good evening Sir or Madam. My name is Homestar Runner. I represent Distinguished Businessman. Are you getting the lowest rates from your long distance provider? I can give you rates as low as anybody. Seriously. I don't know what they are... but I probably could give them to you."
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 6.0 — "Oh, hey, Marzipan! This is Homestar. Um, I was wondering if you could help me with a dilemma I'm having. I can't think of what to get my girlfriend for Valentine's Day. Um, she's kind of annoying, and overbearing, and kind of a big hippie. So if you could {slowly realizes that he's talking about Marzipan} buh... oh. {poorly imitates operator error tone} Doo doo doo!! The number you have reached is not... your boyfriend calling you... uh... right now. {poorly imitates dial tone} Doooooo do do do do dooooooo this is the dial tone dooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Okay, bye!"
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2 — After leaving a message breaking up with Marzipan, Homestar tries to correct the error by replacing her answering machine tape with a fake one.
    • {deep voice} "Oh, hey, Marzipan. This is the Strong Baad. Uh... go around... go around with doo doo on your head... 'cause it could be funny. Okay, bye. Beep!"
    • {imitating Coach Z} "Oh... great job. Oh, I mean... great job. Oh, I mean... great job. Boop!"
    • {depressed monotone} "Oh, hey Marzipan this is Strong Sad. Um... some animal died. Boop!"
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 10.2 — " Oh, hello, Marzipan, this is... Sugar-face. [...] I am a pretend guy that... comes around... and... {singing} gets run over by a lawnmower blade!"
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 12.2 — "You know good and well that I've dreamt of being in a Goatface Club ever since I was a moderately-sized baby."
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 14.2 — "Hey Marzipan, I remembered what it was! I'm actively sinking in quicksand! So, if you have any vines or roots that you can toss my way, I would be really, really still alive."
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 16.2
    • "Dang, Marzipan, you sounding fine! You sound finer than the fine you get when you return a movie late to the movie store! You're even sounding finer than a three dollar fine for new releases!"
    • "Oh! Marzipan! You look, um, great. Is that a new... skin you're wearing?"
    • "It is strong sad and strong unfortunate what happened to your face! Ooh!"
  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 17.2
    • "{in a halting voice, like a stereotypical robot} Hey, Marzipan. This is Homestar Runner. I heard that you got a new smartphone, so instead of leaving you a message, I'm texting this to you. Smileyman, winky smileyman, wineglass wineglass '90s camcorder, send."
    • "Oh man, Marzipan. Kickstarter sensation the Ouya, they're gonna make games for that thing for the rest of eternity! Mark my words, every game that comes out from now until the end of time will also come out on the Ouya"
    • "Oh, hey, Marzipan's sister. This is Homestar. I was just callin' with a status update, to let you know that Marzipan still has no idea {in a suggestive tone} what you and I've been up to. I say that in this kind of way. That some might think is suggestive. {normal voice} Anyways, you got nothin' to worry about. I am extra careful! I mean, could you imagine what would happen if I accidentally mixed you guys up, {laughing} and like, called the wrong sister? Oh man. The crap storm that would unleash."

[edit] Powered by The Cheat

  • The Cheat Theme Song — "This is the best video game I've ever played."
  • Fish Eye Lens — "Why y'all gotta be dissin' on Dixieland? I think it's great! It's got several syncopations. {singing, brandishing his hat, and kicking his legs} Several syncopations! Several syncopations! Several syncopations tonight!"

[edit] Games

  • Who Said What Now? — "Now spell encyclopedia.... What? I'm supposed to what?! Oh, man... I blew it real bad this time."
  • Homestar Ruiner
    • "Oooh, those onions glide on smooth and clear."
    • "Great Grandma's Diapers! I better hit the shower again, pronto!"
    • "Yay! I'm free to show my face in in public again! And maybe the rest of me too!"
    • "Ow, my snot!"
  • Strong Badia the Free
    • "Save the bats!"
    • "{sobs} Nooooooo! Why did I even put that on the board?"
    • "Oh, you granola bars are all the same! Except for the ones with chocolate chips! You enjoy your freedom to not wash your hair, and play hackey sack, but aren't willing to put an orange bowl on your head, and wave a spoon around!"
    • "No way! There's a squirrel in the attic that I sometimes think is a spooky ghost!"
    • "We are forever surrounded by the brown stench of war and the constant beige screaming. Always the beige screaming."
  • Baddest of the Bands
    • "Can't talk now, Strong Bad. I'm on my way to scoring a career-ending gig at a Vegas hotel!"
    • "I KNEW I shouldn't have listened to Pom Pom and his crazy radio walkie-talkie scheme! I'm able to walk and talk all by myself at least half the time."
    • "I wish I was that cool! Stupid letters E and T!"
  • Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective
    • "I know! He's taken my badge away thirteen times. Good thing I bought a case of 'em."
    • "A whole quarter? I've always wanted a lucky quarter of my own. I hear they taste like butterscotch mini-burgers!"
  • 8-bit is Enough
    • "It's always in the third-to-last place I look. [...] I always like to look a few extra times to make sure I found it. But if anybody can dig it up, you can!"
    • "Ghost photography ain't no joke, Strong Bad. You too can take pictures that look like you sneezed on 'em."
    • "Congratulations! You won a free MP3 player! Click here for low, low rates. "

[edit] Others

  • First Time Here?
    • "Welcome to HomestarRunner.net."
    • "Oh right, HomestarRunner.net. It's dot com!"
    • "Something.com!"
    • "Welcome aboard the USS Homestarrunner.com. I am your captain, Homestar Runner—"
    • "Bienvenidos a Homestarrunner.com. ¿Conoces a Miguel? ¡Sí! Somos buenos amigos—"
    • "I am Homestar, and This is A Website!"
    • "Oh, hello! I'm Homestar Runner! ... Isn't that great?"
  • Homestar Runner's Character Video — "If I had to pick one word to describe myself, it would probably be... Fluffy Puff Marshmallows. Or Homestar. Either one, really. They both fit."
  • Strong Bad's Character Video
    • "Well, I was gonna get a high five, but, I see that I'm already here."
    • "That sounds re-ZON-able."
  • Sam & Max Season Two Alternate Ending 101 — "My diaperbolical plan began fifteen years ago..."

[edit] Stupid Things Homestar's Imagined

Mongolian Beef Wig

Strong Bad claimed in 4 branches that the list of stupid things Homestar has imagined is so long that it has its own spreadsheet. Homestar's imagination is rarely shown in full on screen but is shown to be a strange and stupid place when it does.

  • Email colonization — Homestar addresses the imaginary masses who cheer his statements declaring eggs to not be a fruit; dirty diapers to no longer be legal tender; and that guys called Henry can no longer call themselves Hank.
  • Email 4 Branches — Clicking on "spreadsheet" brings up Homestar's idea for a wig made of Mongolian Beef.
  • Email from work — Homestar's dream job is to "be the guy who flies around on that big plastic goldfish, painting the clouds with an oversized novelty toothbrush".
  • Donut Unto Others — Homestar claims to have dreamt that "[he] was a French long-jump champion with eight wooden legs!" but from what we see, he's a Mexican high-jump champion with only one leg.
  • Mr. Poofers Must Die — Homestar's attempt to tell a scary story goes so wrong it ends up with characters trying to continue the story spouting Homestar-esque word salads instead. Strong Sad explicitly compares the apparent curse to Homestar's imagination coming out of his own mouth.

[edit] See Also

[[Category:Homestar Runner running gags]]

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